You know, I was getting better, I was finally eating enough. I could finally have full meals with my family haha. But today, it was lunch time, and I called my brother to come down and eat, he said he had already eaten. It was my first time ever calling him down, and I don't know, it felt like a rejection. I told myself that it was fine, I didn't need him to be there in order for me to eat. So I went down and made myself an omlet. I also grabbed a banana so I could eat it while I was making the omlet. I ate half the banana and began to eat the omlet. But that was when I saw that there were no dirty dishes in the sink, and there were no dirty pans, nothing to indicate that he had eaten or prepared food. It's probably really stupid, and I know that, but that made me furious and it made me feel horrible. I put my fork down, and suddenly I hated myself for eating, I ran outside in the pouring rain and threw the omlet with the banana and went back inside. I tried to make myself puke, but it didn't work. And now here I am writing this. I was finally getting better, but that stupid event triggered me, I though I could overcome this by myself but I can't. I hate myself, I hate everything about me, honestly, I wish I could just disappear. I'm so weak, that, just from one stupid event, I caved. I honestly didn't want to get help, but I think that it's at a point now, that I have to. I don't think I have another option.