hello to anyone reading this.
I am 20years old girl who has moved away from home and is currently living aboard completing a gap year. I believe that my eating disorder started at the beginning of last year, when I promised myself that I would lose weight through becoming a raw vegan. I remember the first few days were the hardest, and there was one day when I ate toast and butter, I immediately remember running to the toilet and throwing up. For the next 3months i managed to stick to the diet and i lost 14kgs, I was so proud of myself and people started to compliment me.
However once I moved to France I found sticking to the diet was difficult and I returned to eating normal food, I remember feeling so guilt and I started to throwing up everything which i ate. Throwing up was the worst feeling ever, I hated myself for it but I didn't see any alternative. Everyday I promised myself that today would be different but things never changed. I went back home for a weekend, my family and friends were shocked at how small I had become, at the time i weighted 45Kg. My mother who was confused as to why I was losing weight made an appointment with the GP for me, thankfully she couldn't come with me. I remember going into the GP and breaking down, I told my GP everything however my GP felt helpless since I was returning back to France she couldn't refer me to a specialist. She provided me with notes and information about eating disorders, and I promised her I would attempt to stop purging.
It has been nearly a month since my appointment with my GP and I still continue to purge 2-3times a day, I do not know what to do. My weight continues to drop and I am currently weighing 42Kg. Living aboard makes things a bit harder, I do not feel comfortable talking to the doctors here since their english is not good. I feel so scared and alone, my hair has begun to thiner and my throat hurts all the time. I am sick of living like this, and some days I feel as though it would be for the best if I ended things.