What I'm about to write is probably no surprise to anyone walking this dark path and still posting on boards such as this. I would, however, like those who walk beside us to know what it takes for those of us with a scrambled mind, at least this scrambled mind, to complete a reasoned, sensible post.
I know I can tend toward the wordy side but I've tamed a great deal, just ask my daughter in law. Often these posts, which seem wordy but aren't really that long, have taken me the better part of a day to complete. That's quite a change for me. Not that long ago, 15 minutes would have killed my longest, most complex post. Even this post is taking the better part of the morning. Why so long now? Often I will have spent a period of time writing what I thought was a well reasoned, properly structured response to or opinion about something only to realize what I have actually put on the screen is unintelligible. It will look as though I've just sat there holding down one key then holding down another for line after line. This will shock my consciousness. To my mind and body, I just completed a comprehensive, coherent statement only to reread it and find a jumbled mess. Now I must erase the entire thing and try to recreate it. I often can't remember why I went to the bathroom so putting a complex idea back together is often next to impossible.
As an example, I was responding to a question in an email with a friend a couple of nights ago when I started to hit "send". I though maybe I should review for any grammatical errors, omissions, etc... I had spent 10-15 minutes crafting this response. Again, it was what I thought to be a complete, intelligent response. The following couple of lines are an example of what I found:
dddddddfgh jjnkygkjn. Kgkhv.mhgk. Little kjygutd jhrclkgjtfkjgvjkf jar djhc kjyfjgrd khgckrs htdkhtfged khgfkhtfkhgfjhrdjhtfkfkhgftfffffffffffoutf had kuyfkutfg ktkhtfflflfyuuyyjlygfjkyfkgj
If you can make sense out of that you're a better person than I. Rather than spend the rest of the evening trying to recreate my response, I just stopped for the evening. This is the frustration we often face. However, and perhaps sadly for you, this is not going to stop me from subjecting you to my ramblings. It may take me a day or two to get them out in some form that makes at least a little sense but I think it's worth it. There is so little written from the patient's perspective that I hope this will be valuable information to someone and make both their life and that of the person they care for just a little bit easier.