New to this and begging for help and ... - Memory Health: Al...

Memory Health: Alzheimer's Support Group

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New to this and begging for help and advise.


Husbands Doc told us he tested "fine" with Neurologist. Then why does he forget things like closing frig door, turning off stove, full conversations, appointments. He doesn't seem to know how to converse with others anymore, he just goes on and on about his past. He still drives and does things like stop in the middle of a busy traffic circle to "be Polite." When anyone tries to remind him or help him he becomes irate and honestly frightening. I don't know how or what to do anymore. He loves his doctor, so second opinion is out. I don't know where to get advise on how to deal with this anymore. His moods are so bazaar.

10 Replies

You might benefit from some counseling support for yourself with the stress of all that you describe. I was in your shoes ten years ago this March 17 - are you able to ask them what "fine" means? I have found in my own journey that when spouses (like you and me) are given relevant information about their husband's behaviors it can help us better prepare for what is coming and make the situation more predictable and manageable, enabling us to interpret the situation as less threatening, reduce anxiety and physiological response.

I'm sorry that you find yourself in this situation, beckylee44, and hope that you can locate support agencies in the area where you live. Feel free to come here to our community as often as you need to to process your feelings.

Thank you for your response. I live in Charlotte, I haven't been able to find support here yet, but this forum is a great start.

PoppygailAmbassador in reply to PNIAuthor60

Also, keep in mind that it isn't unusual for a person in the early stages to gather enough strength to "perform" for the doctor and the testing. Only to completely crash when they make it back home because they have used all their available brain "chemicals" and energy. Therefore your doctor may well have not seen him at his worst. I believe the idea of keeping the notebook will bring some of the results you are looking for. Take care. Randy


Welcome to the community and thanks for reaching out for help. A neurologist is trained to look for more subtle signs of cognitive impairment. A suggestion, if you're able: keep a notebook (with dates) on behavior that worries you and is a safety concern -- forgetting that the stove is on is an obvious safety problem, along with driving issues. Once you have developed a list of safety issues, see if you can have a conversation with his neurologist, with backup up from your notes.

You can also use this memory loss checklist, which will send a report to your email:

All the best.

Thank you so much, the notebook with incidents and dates is a great idea. I will start today.

I did the test for my husband. He scored 16, and I was being easy on some of the questions. I am so hopeful the notebook with incidents in it works in trying to get his Doctor to help me. Thank you again.

I did this for my husband and after I had a sufficient list, I emailed it to our internist. He arranged for us to see a neurologist who tested him and found that he didn't have Alzheimer's as yet but MCI - mild cognitive impairment. However he started treating him as if he had Alzheimer's which has helped immensely. He told him he could drive and do whatever he wanted to do but I try to keep check on him to only driving locally with areas that he is closely familiar. He does have a trigger happy temper however and sometimes hard to deal with. Start making your list and best of luck to you.

beckylee44 in reply to pkpayne

Wow, thank you so much. Your post is very encouraging! I started keeping track today to discuss with the doctor.

You need to realize that testing is based on the "normal" range of function for a person age, adjusted for education, etc. However, he can be having some mild cognitive deficits that don't appear on any tests.

Find some ways for him to compensate for the things he forgets. Talk with local Alzheimer's group for suggestions for you and for him.

Thanks just need to find a group

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