Where to next?

Hi, Im new to this site, but I needed a place to... Talk/vent about my situation with my mom. Mom is blind, and was just diagnosed with Alzheimer's induced dementia. Over Christmas she kept talking about people in her room and wandering about. I went out the day after Christmas amd came home to find her wandering the living room. Having knocked over almost everthing- including a full bookcase which could've crushed her. She's been in the hospital and geriatric psych unit combined since that day. I was told this past Sunday that mom needs to be in a facility because she needs 24/7 care even with the meds she's now on. I know this is best for her, but I'm so scared of the horror stories about senior care facilities. On top of that, she only has Medicaid and Medicare combined with her SSI disability checks. What kind of facility will that produce? I'm in no financial position to help at all; and to top it off, mom has been living with me the last 6 years and her SSI helps with rent. So right now I'm assuming that not only will mom's SSI need to be used toward a facility, but then I can't make rent and we just signed a new lease for our apt in Oct. I'm stressed, worried, scared, and trying to trust in God... But... It's so hard. Mom had her first good day sisnce all this started two days ago. She was able to remember it was me the whole visit, but she's still constantly seeing hallucinations... I'm losing my mother, part of my financial security because she will need to go to a facility, and I'm going to be losing the home we've shared for 6 years... I don't know what I'm doing really, and I myself feel so lost. I'm not sure if this was the place to say all this, but I had to get it out amd I'm hoping that others on this site may understand or could relate to my situation and fears.

8 Replies

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  • Right now I'll just respond to, "What kind of facility will that produce?" If you check around, you can probably find an adequate facility. On the recommendation of hospice, I placed my husband in a skilled nursing facility on a "Medicaid pending" basis. With your mother's Medicaid and Medicare combined with her SSI disability checks, you should be able to find a good place. The place that accepted my husband was clean, well staffed and pleasant. The food was good, and a selection was offered. One hallway featured behind glass several live birds on swinging platforms. There was a locked unit for people in your mother's condition. Try to find a social worker to advise you on your living/financial situation. Keep trusting in God and ask to talk with the chaplain in the facility you chose. Also, empty out that bookcase and remove it from your mother's sight. My son, now 52, was almost killed when he was three years old and a bookcase fell over him.

  • Hi Jaykay, My best advice to you no matter where your mother is placed or what facility is to visit regularly and often. My mother-in-law was in a facility on Medicare, Medicaid, SS, and Teacher retirement for 8 years and my husband went to visit twice a day during all that time - unless we were out of town. And don't be remiss in speaking up if she is not getting the care you think she deserves. I pray for the best for you and your mom. You are at the right place to vent and we are here to support you in any way we can.

  • pkpayne -- Somehow, your good advice about visiting a loved one regularly and often was addressed to me, but was probably intended for someone who is currently in that situation. I apologize if anything I posted led to that assumption. My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and died in 1979 at age 80. My father had been her caregiver until he died suddenly six month before her. Although several members of my mother's family had dementia, so far at 85, I am blessed that neither I nor my children in their 50s and early 60s have symptoms of the disease.

  • Hi Jaykay, I guess my reply was meant for Stephie_girl. Sorry for the mixup and I'm really sorry for your loss but happy that you have been spared Alzheimer's!

  • Thank you. I went to visit a nursing home yesterday and was happy with what I saw. Also, it's close to our current home. Your thoughts and prayers are so appriciated!! I'm so glad to have found this place to talk to others going through or having gone this hardship.

  • Thank you, jaykay777. You are right. I just have to do some leg work. I went to visit a nursing home yesterday and really liked it. Thank you for your supportive words. The day I posted this was a hard day for me. With doubtful thoughts rolling in my head constantly. I appriciate tour advice and support.

  • Hi Stephie_girl .I completely understand your dilemma even though my mum is at home and has good and bad days.Just I too worry so much about my mum and her future.Firstly look after yourself and have a little me time.As being a carer of your mum is such an emotional time.Its overwhelming at times and I sometimes feel so lost.Others have given some great advice on your dilemma and that much feel good.i hope you are well and you seem to be a great job with your mum.Its great to have somewhere to talk where others understand.keep posting and take care .Your never alone x

  • I can't believe how similar my story is to yours! My mom was just diagnosed with moderate to severe dementia and Alzheimer's at the age of 64, I just moved out with her in Aug 2016 and now she's in a memory care unit and I was stuck with the rent ($1350 a month) and the outstanding electric bill/ cable bills. It's been very stressful yes, but know things will work out. I finally found two roommates to live with me to help with the bills and rent. My mom is at a good place where the women are very nice. She doesn't trust anybody there and sadly to say is very paranoid. When she lived with me, she accused me of taking her belongings and would tell me that I should be homeless. It was pure hell living with her, not being able to completely understand that it was all her illness talking and not her, I wish the best of luck to you and really hope to hear from you soon.

    Take care,

    Cindy