Mom with dementia

My Mom constantly follws me around the house. Will not let me go outside or to tbe store without her. She has difficulty walking and has very little hearing ability. She cries for no reason and insists on going somewhete in the car everday. She hounds me all day about different things. Makes me and my whole family very nervous. Does anyone else have these problems with their relative, wife or husband?

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  • I don't- but I am wondering what sort of support your community offers? For instance, in my Canadian community we have Day Programs available for situations like these where someone like your Mom would be able to attend a therapeutic program giving you and your family time and space to yourselves. These programs are staffed by trained support staff who are able to meet the needs of those who attend. What, if any education has been provided to you and your family about dementia and the type of behavior to expect and how to respond? My community also has a program where support can be assigned to someone who would come in for a few hours a day several times a week to your home to assess the situation and provide suggestions.

    Some sort of family counseling might help you in the situation you describe - it sounds like you could use the support to moderate the nervousness that your family is experiencing which is understandable in this circumstance. My heart goes out to you.

  • Thank you..contacting local resources.

  • When my dad was in the earlier stages of AD he followed my mother around all the time too. This was particularly challenging because my mother had a whole host of health issues herself. When she passed away, I became the object of his attention. According to "The 36 Hour Day" (this is a tremendously good book) AD patients do this because they are disoriented and feel unsafe. She is likely following you around because she recognizes you as someone who makes her feel safe. Try to soothe her with a smile, gentle words and touch. When she cries try to determine what is bothering her and if it's environmental like being too hot try to fix it; reassure her that she is safe with you and redirect her to think about something else. If you want to go outside for a few minutes try giving her a timer and let her know where you are going (you may have to write this down on a note for her) , how long you'll be gone, and that you will return when the timer rings and then make sure you are back when the timer rings. These things worked very well for me; hopefully they will be of some help to you.

  • It is just so hard because I cannot do things with my grandchildren etc. Complete change to my life.

  • Oh wow. I totally understand. It sounds like you have no help at all and this is so hard...almost impossible to do by yourself. It really does sound like the adult day centers might be your best bet. If I've only learned one thing from the support group I'm occasionally able to attend is that we do whatever we can do to whatever level we can and do not have any guilt about what we cannot do. I wish you much luck on this journey. I'm walking into unknown territory myself. God Bless.

  • Thanks, God Bless

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