Unhappy

[Woolroom]

I have just join ed but had Alopecia for 15 year's following a big op. My husband of 40+ years still doesn't like to see me without a wig and still tells everyone we meet that I wear wigs. To my embarrassment. Any ideas on what I should do

[Kittykat2]

It's sad that your husband feels that way and feels a need to tell everyone thst you wear a wig.

Why does he feel a need to do that.

Hair loss for women is a terrible sad thing without him not wanting to see you with out a wig and his need to upset you by telling everyone.

Have you asked him why he is like this?

You have been married a long time seems a little tactless of him to behave like that.💕X

I'm suffering hairloss myself right now not an easy thing to live with .

[paw1]

So sorry to hear you are feeling very uncomfortable by your husbands comments. Is it possible you could ask him why he needs to do this and explain you are not ready to share with every one and how it is making you feel. It is not an easy situation to live with. I would recommend the Alopecia UK face book groups for sharing and listening and getting ideas from others.

[Imissmahoney]

I'm trying not to be judgemental but I have to say that it is very insensitive and totally unsupportive of your husband to act as he does. Is he very insecure himself?

I would explain to him, if you haven't done so already, that this is not something that you have chosen for yourself, in fact, quite the opposite but it is something that you have no choice about but to carry on positively as far as you can and that it takes someone very strong, like yourself, despite the way that you feel about it, to carry on positively. Tell him that the way he is acting does not help with your confidence or self-worth and that his actions are cruel. I would also insist that it is entirely your choice as to whether you tell people if you are wearing a wig or not and that is your business and not his.

Is there anyone else who can speak to him on your behalf? Perhaps even, someone medical and point out to him that it is not acceptable for him to do this to you and that his behaviour makes him seem weak. He needs to be strong for you and to show that he loves you.

I hope that I am wrong when I say that he sounds very controlling but if this is the case you may need to look at your relationship closer and decide what is best for you.

Most of all, be confident by believing in yourself and how you appear, make the best of yourself and know that there are lots of ladies like yourself, including me who have lost their hair and as I said earlier on, this is something that has been out of our control,

Take care

[maryemma in reply to Imissmahoney]

How dreadful that the person who should be your rock ,is behaving in this way ☹️don't go out in public with him at all if he acts like this . Have you grown up children who could speak to him sending you hugs💐

[sittingwithfeetup]

I agree that telling everyone you wear wigs is insensitive and your husband should stop this if he knows it bothers you.

You should not have to ask him to tone this gossip down.

Your other option is to be candid about your disease and when your husband announces that you wear wigs, just join in the conversation.

I do this.

Some people are rude and make ignorant little comments. I also have had co-workers that do a lot of whispering in ears and back-biting and who are ignorant of my feelings. This shows me the type of self-centered people I'm dealing with.

On the other side of things, some people say, "you look beautiful" or they offer constructive feedback about which head covers look the best.

In some cases, I've met people who had their own hair fall out.

I was also able to learn of a good dermatologist that I ended up seeing and he gave me shots in my scalp that made my hair grow back.

If I had never talked openly about my disease, I would never have found this dermatologist who helped me.