Hi, I’m new to this group, my consultant recommended I join.
Im due to have ablation surgery at the end of July and I’m trying to work out how realistic it is that I will be able to look after my 18 month old and 3 year old. Im 43 years old and have arranged to go straight from hospital to my parents for a couple of days, with my partner and children joining me after. I’ve read “take it easy for a week and no heavy lifting”. Is a toddler classed as heavy? I cannot possibly be around the younger one and not pick her up. I think my partner is dreading me saying I need more than a couple of days to myself!
Has anyone with small children had the op? If so, any guidance/advice please?
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Lout2000
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I haven't had children so cannot comment on that part. I've had 2 ablation and can tell you that bending down, bending forward + lifting is an absolute no no from my experience. Both are likely to trigger AF, and you don't want that during early cellular healing. You'll need an entire week of doing virtually nothing. Let your partner, kind friends or parents help. Your toddler can come for a cuddle on the bed, or on the sofa with you but no lifting! Make this clear to your partner- if they want you well - they're going to help you in that first and subsequent 2 weeks. In weeks 2 and 3 you can do a little but more of course but avoid anything weight bearing if you can e.g. putting a cast iron pot in the oven (like I did!) Carrying push chairs etc. Sorry to be vigorous but it's better to be firm with those around you so that you get the help you need.
Thank you for replying. It’s good to hear real things (cast iron pot, bending etc) that I won’t be able to do to get an idea of what’s possible. I will find it impossible to be near the children and not pick them up or help my partner when they are both crying/calling
Please read the AFA Pamphlet on ablation and recovering from ablation. My EP recommended no lifting - even a bag of shopping for at least two weeks. Everyone is different but you must give your heart time to heal before stressing it.
Take all the help you can get from partner, parents and friends.
Thank you, I did read the pamphlet, I just wanted to hear from people with small children to j ow how practical it is to be around them because they are non stop and I will feel guilty not being able to help with them
In my experience (three ablations) I was too sore for a week to move much. A child is definitely heavy! I suffered from debilitating fatigue for months afterwards BUT most people seem to recover quicker than me and everyone is different. Perhaps I'm just weak and feeble 🤣🤣🤣.Take as much help as possible, would be my advice...
Thank you, I will try and get as much help and support together as I can. We’ve recently moved areas so have no local support and my parents are 3 hours away so I won’t be nearby if I stay with them
I know I'm pitching in here - me and no kids- but might that not be a good idea for week 1 and you chat to the children via facet time or similar? Have you been away from them before? Another thing to possibly mention to the hospital- ask to stay overnight post procedure even if you're not having a general anaesthetic- so that you can at least get a night's bedrest and monitoring.
The initial issue is not the AFib, it is that you must protect the incision into your groin.. I was instructed to go to bed when I got home and not even walk downstairs for at least 24 hours. Lifting a child will put strain on the wound. And you do not want that to reopen as its into a large vein.
Thank you, that’s good to know. Was your ability to do things intuitive? Ie “my wound feels better so I can walk more”? Or is there a danger of overdoing it without realising?
Just to give you an example. About 4 hours post ablation I had a bit of a coughing fit and stupidly tried to suppress it. My wound started gushing. I was so glad to be in hospital. Trouble is, that wound doesn't look like much and it may okay not hurt (mine hurt very little first time round) but that doesn't mean it isn't there.
Please read this heartrhythmalliance.org/res.... It would be most unwise to think that things will ne normal. Doctors and hospitals always down play recovery for anything which is why we patients compiled the fact sheet.
Thank you. I read the pamphlet, I just wanted to hear from people who lived with smallChildren to hear how they managed and how practical it is to be around them, and what is possible.
Oh bless you, what a worry this must be. I think you need to go to stay with your parents, but decide when you feel well enough for husband and children to come (maybe just for a visit). How is your husband around the house, can he cook and clean and care for the children ok. Is your mum good with them. When you feel a little better you may decide that the children are best at home with their usual routine and dad in charge.
I've had 3 ablations and think I felt ok right after, then went downhill after a few days and started feeling exhausted. Hubby needs to take 2 weeks off to be with you and help with the children and housework.
Going to be difficult as the desire to cuddle your children will be so strong and you will naturally want to be with them.
Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on.
Thank you Jean, I think that’s a good idea about coming along when I’m feeling up to it. My wife (same sex couple) is great around the house, with the children etc. but the children both don’t sleep well and we tend to get up to a child each during the night, and the youngest will miss me enormously and struggle. I feel guilty leaving my wife to manage alone for a few days, let alone potentially a week. I know I won’t be able to be around the children and not help with meals, tidying, soothing etc.
Thankfully my wife is in education so it’s the school hols and she can be around for all the time
That's good news re the holidays. I'm sure your wife will be able to cope, as single mothers and fathers often have to. I've tagged Jed below because he's been in your situation, having to look after young children after having an ablation. He works for the NHS and I think may have had something like 6 or more ablations. He may be at work right now.
Plan for the worst and give yourself more than the recovery minimum time. You don’t want to have to go back to hospital during the recovery time.
Does your husband have parents / siblings who can help him with the children? Am sure they can live on frozen meals and slightly lower standards for a few days, and everyone will find something to enjoy from it.
Think about what you would do if you were in his shoes, and looking after you. Or your own child had to have an op - am sure you would make sure they had a proper recovery period.
Why would I need to go back to hospital? What might happen?
My wife (same sex couple) may try and have her mum stay for a bit to help, other than that we have no other support if I’m with my parents. My wife will absolutely do everything she can to let me get the rest I need, I just know it will be tough to manage the children alone for several days and nights so I want to reassure her it won’t be for too long. But at the same time, I will find it hard to not clean/tidy, do laundry etc if she’s out with the girls and I don’t want to jeopardise my recovery by doing too much too quickly
Bob always says 'sofa and remote week 1' and 'sofa + boil the kettle week 2'. Its really good advice. Sit down with your wife and make an action plan - menus for the kids and you two, possible activities for the kids, things you can do to.be with the kids such as watching a programme together while they snuggle close on the sofa. Definitely coopt your mother in law to.help in week 1 to take the load off your wife. The laundry can wait a week.surely
Everyone has different comfort zones around medical advice and guidelines and ways to share their domestic workload.
Thinking of ops and recovery times I have a few friends who haven’t allowed sufficient time / logistics to recover from ops of different sorts and then found themselves needing to go back to hospital / needing physio / more stitches and wished they’d allowed the full amount of recovery / not lifting etc. Because they’ll never know what the counterfactual (if they had cut themselves more slack) would have been. It’s like an insurance policy - you don’t know whether you’ll need to claim on it.
It’s hard to imagine not being one’s full active self for a few days, it’s also impossible to predict how an op will make you feel in advance. And I can say that having been on the operating table at least 8 times - for a list of very varied things - and have kids who are often ill whose recovery after illnesses and ops I also take care of: over planning / allowing for the recovery period means you can always then scale back later if you feel up to it.
My own first instinct is to under-prepare. I had to have a procedure done under general a few weeks ago. Before having it I spoke to a friend who is a doctor and asked why I couldn’t drive myself home - which I was advised not to do and which would have been much easier from a childcare perspective - when it’s only a minor op? Surely I could drive? His wife chipped in at this point and said “you might as well follow the advice - if you discover after the operation you can’t drive after all, what will you do with your car, parked outside the hospital?”. I took her advice and found after the op that the advice had been right: I didn’t feel well enough to drive.
Whatever you and your wife decide to do, good luck and I hope it goes smoothly and you feel much better on the other side.
I agree entirely with Singwell -- even bending over or reaching high could set off an episode in the early stages. Lifting is an absolute certainty to go into a-fib -- as I've learned from experience. Be brutally honest with your partner.
It took about a month of on/off episodes until it calmed down. By 2-1/2 months I felt wonderful. I began lifting things, i.e. gardening with boulders (!!) about a month in. I'm no doctor and am in no position to give advice, but I'd take the opportunity to have the ablation now, despite the kids being young, as the condition progresses.
I wouldn't cancel; the ablation may be less successful the more time passes. I understand completely when a couple share childcare but in this instance it would be a good idea to sit down and exactly what rest and recuperation you are going to need to get the most success out of your ablation. My daughter has had three caesareans (all her babies were breech) and afterwards the whole extended family had to muck in and under the circumstances didn't mind in the least. Best of luck.
I know it will be hard but you really need to avoid lifting anything more than a remote control or a mug of tea for at least a week. I ended up with bleeding into my leg resulting in swelling and a bruise that covered my entire right leg, down to the foot without doing much at all.I was then very cautious and didn't go back to work for 4 weeks as that would have involved lifting a trolley (I'm a foot health practitioner).
Please don't put off your procedure as you risk things possibly getting worse. I wish I'd had mine earlier as being in AF for a prolonged period has caused me other issues.
Hi, iwas 39/40 my kids were 1 and 3 for my 1st ablation 2 and 4 for the 2nd. Came home the same day for both. Avoided picking the kids up for about a week at all, scooped the littlest up to my knee, but his bouncing about wasn't ideal. It was hard as no help and husband at work, lots of bumshuffles up and down stairs. 2nd week could pick them up a little but could feel the strain on my groin when I did so.By about week 4 I was still a bit shattered but ok to lift them as normal.
Get as much help as you can. Take it as easy as you can. I've been af free and off meds for 3 yrs, so definitely worth it for me.
Ps. My cardiologist said I'd be fine in a couple of days. I wasn't not fine, but I definitely wasn't able to just get on with things!
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