Due for an ablation March 19th after chasing the hospital for a cancellation. Tragically my daughter passed away last weekend leaving my husband and I with three children 12,10 and 6 to look after. Absolutely devastated and I really don’t know what to do. My AF is fairly stable two days in NSR then two days out of rhythm. I feel exhausted when I am in AF for the two days but know that a couple of good days are just round the corner. What do I do? Do I postpone my ablation and wait a few months with all we have to deal with or do I have it done and do we struggle through. Mentally I don’t feel I can cope with anything else as all I am doing is getting through an hour at a time at the moment. Could an ablation make my symptoms worse and make life even more difficult? My pre op assessment is this Wednesday 19/02 do I attend and explain the situation and ask there advice or do I cancel? Sorry for all the rambling but my mind is all over the place and I thought if anyone could give any advice would maybe help me make my decision. Thanks
Ablation or postpone: Due for an... - Atrial Fibrillati...
Ablation or postpone
Poppy I am so sorry to read that and my sympathies are with you.
The decision of course has to be yours but maybe to assist you in making the choice my take is this. Read our Recovering from Ablation fact sheet and you will see that rest post ablation is vital. We are all different and age and general fitness also changes things but despite what any doctor may tell you it will take time to fully recover. Regardless of how successful it ultimately is, ablation is a serious assault on your body and it can be months before you are back to "normal". Yes. you may well feel worse for the first few weeks as this is often the case although it must be said that some lucky people feel better straight away.
I would say that the children may well be more resilient than you think and capable of looking after themsleves with some support from you and your husband but only you can know that.
I do hope you make the right decision. not just for yourself but the whole family.
Firstly Poppy, everyone reading your post will be saddened by your news and our thoughts and prayers will be with you at this truly difficult time. I think you should have that conversation at the assessment but make sure you have someone with you to give you the support you need. In some ways it might be better to proceed and have it done as you are likely to be more able to face the issues after 3 or 4 weeks. In terms of recovery, although we advise caution, for many the process is not a major problem provided you do not lift anything heavy and abide by sensible rules. After a couple of weeks, you should be able to return to normal activities and in many ways, it could be better to get it done and out of the way so that you can focus on other issues. I’m sure the older children will understand and help get you through the early days.
The problem with postponing is there will probably never be a “right time” !
Whatever you decide to do, I hope you find the strength to get through this and wish you well for the best possible outcome.......
I am so terribly sorry to hear of your situation. The death of your child is, to my mind, the worst thing that can happen. I can only imagine what you are going through at this time. My wife was left with her grandmother and father after the death of her Mum at age 34 when my wife was just 7. It is a most awful time.
No-one can really tell you what will happen to you personally after an ablation. Certainly I would go to the pre-op and explain your situation to the medical team and talk it over with them. It is possible that if you then decide that you are not to go ahead with the ablation on March 19th that they will not put you back to the bottom of the list so you would not have to wait too long for another appointment for ablation.
I was at a pre-ablation talk last Thursday and there were two people there who had had ablations one who had had it in the last month and he was back at work after a week but he said he still didn't feel that good but was managing very well. He was a single young man of about 40 so he didn't have the emotional trauma that you are going through and he wasn't looking after 3 young children.
Take care of yourselves and all the very best to you and your family at this dreadful time.
Des
Poppy I am so sad reading your post 
what a horrid situation you are in at the moment.
I wonder had your daughter been ill the stress of which could have contributed to your episodes of AF ?
No one can decide or advise what you should do at this awful time , have you contacted your EP to discuss the situation, that would be my first thought.
What ever you decide I hope all goes well for you....xx
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. What an awful situation.
I couldn’t possibly advise you but I can only say what I would do.
I think I would go for the ablation. Short term resting up in recovery for long term gain.
Is your husband good at supporting?
My partner is useless at that type of thing so I’d be considering that ....
In your recovery, you’ll still be around for the kids.... lots of watching tv and reading and just general sitting together..... so it seems like you could do it? As I say, I don’t wanna say go for it but I think I would.
Take care xxx ❤️❤️❤️
Poppy my heart goes out to you at this sad time.
I wonder if you had a chat with your GP and explained your dilemma, whether he could organise a home help for you if you go ahead with your ablation in March.
Also you should give thought as to whether you could cope with having the extra trauma in your life at this time. I really don't think I could. My first two ablations made AF worse for me, but the third helped.
Are you and your husband retired?
As has been said the choice must be yours.
Sending you a big hug my AF friend.
Jean x
Dear Poppy, there is nothing comforting I can think of to say but my heart is with you at this moment.
I agree that many good points have been made but I have one more thought. I don't know the circumstances of your daughter's death and I assume she had no partner? But I am thinking that regardless of whether her death was sudden or after a long illness her children may temporarily at least have lost faith in the safety of medicine, hospitals etc and will probably already have a sense of abandonment, especially the youngest child who is at the age where they may still interpret bad happenings as their fault. So the big question is not if you can cope with the procedure and convalescence, but rather if the children can cope with their most important source of care and comfort having a medical procedure? If you were honest, as you should be, you would have to say there are risks. Since a 'friend' told my daughter 'of course you realise your mother has cancer' (I didn't) before I had a hysterectomy, I have been much more aware of children's possible fears when people close to them are ill.
I'm sorry if this has made your decision more difficult but as no-one has mentioned the children's trauma up to now I thought someone should.
If you decide it is best for everyone concerned to go ahead I hope it turns out as well as possible, please let us know 💞
I don't have anything to add besides what others have already posted, just wanted to share my deepest condolences, prayers for peace and comfort and hope for everyone's future and better health. 🕊️🙏❤️
Dear Poppy - what a stressful, sad, devastating situation to be in in. My sense of your post is that right now you are feeling completely overwhelmed- hardly surprising and I find making decisions in that state just too much.
The stress you are enduring right now is most definitely not going to help you or your family cope with you being in recovery so imagining putting myself in your situation - first I would talk to your husband and discuss with him how he feels, taking into account he will need to be very supportive practically for you for at least 3-4 weeks.
I would then sit somewhere very quietly & meditate on what your priorities need to be at this time.
Then I would ring the hospital and explain & ask if you could delay for the time being and what the consequences & time frame would be if you did.
Then decide.
Only you can decide so I offer this only as my thought process. 😘
So sorry for your loss. These are early days and you answered your own question -
“Mentally I don’t feel I can cope with anything else as all I am doing is getting through an hour at a time at the moment.”
Hugs xx
So sorry for your loss x
You are in my thoughts and prayers xx
Hello Poppy, EPs sometimes will prescribe you medication to keep you in NSR after an ablation..... this could help you settle after the procedure, but it would be a good idea to discuss this at your appointemnt perhaps, if you do go ahead with this? Several people here have suggested you might want to go to your appointment anyway, and with a sympathetic EP this could help you feel you have made an informed decision. Please try to look after yourself and be as calm as you can. Make sure you have got the number for the BHF nurses as well as they can be very reassuring. I am so sorry that it sounds as if everything has landed on you at the same time, condolences to you all.
I felt that I had to delay a planned ablation because my sister got alzhiemers in 2016 and I felt she had to come first, but in 2018 I had a lot of unexplained falls and started to get blackouts. This would have been my second ablation. I ended up getting a pacemaker - partly just so that I could "keep going" as next of kin.
So, as others have also said, please dont wait too long to look after your own health because there could be a risk of time passing and your own cardiac health suffering.?
All the very best to you and your family.
Poppy - sending heart felt sympathy - and such amazing advice from the people on the forum - all I can add is that I found my ablation last summer much much harder than I expected - just wanted to sleep mainly for a month - visual disturbances, af, difficulty eating much ... I think that I would have struggled to cope with grieving children and my own grief too. Take care and hope the hospital is supportive x
Poppy I am so very sorry for your sad loss, God give you the strength you need, I am not sure how old you are, but have just had my second ablation, and in all honesty it has taken me a while to have any energy at all, and still having ectopic beats, which i am hoping heals over the next few months. There is definately no way I could of envisaged looking after children during the last three weeks.
Could you not talk to your specialist and see if he can up with an increase in your medications for a short period while you get everything sorted.
Sending you my love xxxx
Poppy am so so so sorry to hear your news of the loss of your daughter and the situation you are in. Terrible for you all & my heart goes out to you.
If it were me I would ring the EPs secretary and explain your situation asking if you may talk to the EP. They will want you to be in a position where they think you are well enough to undergo under this proceedure. A loss like this will inevitably affect you physically & emotionally so your EP may feel it would be a good idea to temporary postpone. The EP can advise you as to whether delaying treatment is wise for your health & help you to make the best decision in what is a very difficult situation.
It maybe you go for the pre op assessment as that gives the hospital up to three months to do the proceedure. Pre op assessments are done by a seperate team, not to do with your EP, so they may not be able to offer advice on delaying treatment.
My thoughts are with you & am sending you big hugs.
So sorry for your loss Poppy I can't even begin to imagine how your feeling.
All I can say is my ablation last April was much much harder than I expected even though it started reasonably well at the beginning, I had a few complications later after a few weeks . I was very tired after the op, and slept more than usual for weeks, I also had some bouts of fairly debilitating AF over the weeks and later serious flutter needing cardioversion . I know personally that I would have struggled to cope caring for young children during that time , and my son of 15 was like a carer at some points , not ideal . I'd discuss it at pre op and take it from there, and make sure you have plenty of support if you do decide to go ahead.
My heart goes out to you, whatever you choose it will be right I'm sure , and again sorry for your loss, the children are lucky to have such a caring grandparent at this time .
Dear Poppy, My heart goes out to you.
There is lots of excellent advice above. The only thing I can add is that I have found the period between the death and the funeral is very difficult, so I'm not surprised you feel completely overwhelmed right now. Once the funeral is over you I think you will find yourself in a better place to pick up the threads of your new way of life, and to be able to think more clearly and be better able to make your decisions.
Oh, Poppy. So sorry to read this.
Only you can know what to do, you have the contact details for your EP now, so maybe you could contact them and discuss the situation over the phone.
Love to you all at this difficult time x
So very sorry for your loss xx
Oh Poppy, I am so sorry to read this and my heart goes out to you.
My mother died from complications with dementia the week before my ablation. I had to fly interstate for the procedure, so I was away from home for a week. My EP and anaesethologist were both incredibly supportive, and would have supported me fully in postponing. They both are firm believers in being emotionally ready for the procedure. I now wish that I had postponed.. This was in August last year and it took me months to start to recover.
Losing your daughter is so much worse. Added to that you now also have 3 small children in your care.
I would suggest going to your pre-op appointment, if you feel up to it, and share yiur concerns with them. If you do postpone they may be able to give uou a new date then.
Sending you sttength as you face this sifficult decision.
You will get a lot of wonderful virtual support from the lovely members on this site.
Take care of yourself x
So sorry to hear such sad news, you will be devastated and will take some time to come to terms with what has happened. You will find it difficult to think straight and in truth no-one can give you the advice you need - time is your only help right now.
For what its worth logic would say to go ahead with the ablation for the following reasons:
1. You cannot feel any worst than you do right now
2. The ablation will be better for your health in the long run - more important than ever now.
3. What you will be going through with the ablation (and recovery) will provide a different perspective for you and those around you, not least the children who will be suffering dreadfully right now. I believe this will in some small way mitigate their deep sadness by providing another significant issue to think about.
Now there are my objective thoughts, in reality I personally would not be able to go ahead with it.
Agree with #3
Hi Poppy128
Firstly I am so sorry for your loss. You may already speaking to the ep doctor at this time but for what it's worth I had an ablation on November 5th Last year and was out and about in two days. Yes you have to take it easy but that doesn't necessarily mean you have to sit and do nothing. You will find that the staff in the hospitals are more than considerate with your situation than you think, so tell them your plight. I was booked in for my ablation a few weeks before November 5th but had just booked a holiday then, and when I explained to the hospital staff they rescheduled me for the 5th with no problem. Go for your pre op and discuss it with them. Whatever the outcome. Good luck and God bless.
Regards Flyer.
So very sorry to hear what has happened. Please be assured if my prayers for you all my dear. Re your AF are you on medication for control. If not maybe Flecanide would calm it down until you're in a better place. All I can say is Ithink you've enough to cope with without surgery recovery. Take care
Poppy
Clearly you can see that you will always have the support of this wonderful forum.
Sit and write down the pros and cons then decide
All the best
Rod
I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter.
I have lost 2 adult children and my heart bleeds for you. I dont see how you could expect to cope with any more at present. I would go and explain and ì suspect they will suggest you postpone. But be guided by medics. They will have your interests at heart.
If you feel the need to talk I am here.
Poppy, I am so so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I can't even imagine what you're going through but please do what you decide is best for you and your family and then don't look back at your choice. You will make the right one. We're all pulling for you.
So very sorry to hear about your loss. I do hope that you have been able to come to a decision about your impending ablation. I am thinking about you at such a sad time for you all. Be gentle with yourself. Kath
I'm so sorry for your loss - how sad and difficult it must be for you and your family.
I haven't had an ablation yet but it seems that some people recover slowly with other rhythm problems that take time to heal while others feel bright as a button just after ( my husband for one - who has since sadly died from an unrelated problem). You say you were "chasing the ablation" which perhaps means your symptoms were really disturbing your QoL. Which may be something to consider. I'm sure your EP will help you make the decision that is best for you.
My thoughts are with you
Take care X
So very sorry Poppy, your daughter passing so young and now taking over the care of your grandchildren , who must be in such a sad state, too. Prayers for strength to care for yourself amidst everything you are going through now. xo
Dear Poppy, so sorry for your tragic loss. What you and your grandchildren are going through is unimaginable.
I see your dilemma as twofold: mental and physical.
You have already answered the mental one yourself: "Mentally I don’t feel I can cope with anything else..."
The physical aspect addresses what stage of AF you are in, and the set time period of the ablation. You are in paroxysmal because you are in AF two days and sinus for a couple of days afterwards. You are not persistent where time is of the essence ,where new rogue areas pop up beyond the pulmonary veins, especially during the first six months. I did read an article that there was a percentage of the population that went persistent within one year with advanced paroxysmal. That "within" says a mouthful because some patients can get persistent "within" a month. I did. So, avoid as much as possible getting into the persistent stage where it is most likely that you will need more than one ablation. (I have needed three so far.)
From today, Feb. 19, it is one month to your scheduled ablation.To transition into persistent, you have time, but delaying it beyond a year would be unwise.
As today is the 19th, hopefully you have gone to your pre op assessment which was suggested by many. Knowledge is power, and you should have got some knowledge at the assessment. This knowledge should have included a discussion of any symptoms post ablation plus energy level. Yes, you can read about post ablation standard recovery. But, asking about your recovery due to your loss curtails it to your body.
Still in keeping with the physical, if you choose not to go ahead with the ablation, do ask to be given the date for the next ablation keeping in mind that you should not delay it too long lest you become persistent. Certainly make sure you do not get to the very bottom of the list where the time period approaches one year or more.
I see the scenario that you are not mentally ready to have an ablation due to your tragic loss. The mental will impact on the physical to lessen your chances of a quick recovery. The re-scheduling should be within the next few months and definitely not beyond one year. If you go three days AF and three days sinus, you are well on your path to persistent that you definitely do not want. You need to be strong both for yourself and for your grandchildren, and it would be great to be strong in sinus. The best.
So sorry for your awful loss poppy. God bless you and my thoughts and prayers are with you x
Not what you're looking for?
You may also like...
Postponing second ablation
Ablation or postpone
To ablate or not to ablate?
To Ablate or Not to Ablate
Ablation Fear, to ablate or medicacte
Undecided on 3rd ablation 
Should I postpone Covid booster? 
Flutter, Ablation and Ablation
ablation or not to have ablation
