So Stressed

Hi I'm 19 I recently had my ablation November, 3rd. I cry all the time because I'm super stressed, I'm really attached to my mom and yesterday she spent the night out and I completely broke down crying and hyperventilating I'm so use to her being home since I first had the symptoms. Now that she's out it's like a punch in the face. I thought I'll be happy after my ablation. I'm supposed to be resting for my recovery but me crying and not having good sleep I can't. I want my mom home I feel safer when she's home she's like my security blanket. I just want to be emotionally ok and be strong I feel so weak and like I'm a burden because I always need her around me. I want my mom to go out have fun, I'm just not emotionally ready. Any advice will help please

25 Replies

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  • Work on confidence, self esteem and independence. This behaviour is unusual at your age and something you must come terms with.

  • I agree with you it's just hard. When something happens I shut down I don't want to do or eat anything not intentionally I just have no energy. I'm not suicidal thank God but I do get sad and cry

  • But your mother going out when you are 19 shouldn't be hard for you. There must be something else.

    You must encourage her to go out so you can get used to it. As you say you don't want to be a burden and want her to have fun.

    What about you going out?

  • I don't have a father it's only my mother and when I first had a symptom I thought God for bid I was dying and my mom was by my side through the scary times and I felt if my moms around I'm safe (protected). I want to encourage her because she deserves it. I'll try I haven't been out for fun in 3months (when the symptoms started)

  • Hi Niyakelly

    it's only been 3 days since your ablation? don't underestimate the time it will take to recover. I have never had one but those who have on here tell me minimum two weeks before you start to heal and possibily six months until eveything settles down physically.

    But remember it's not just physical, you are very young to have an ablation and that's a huge emotional journey you have been on. I am sure that you must have been really scared and worried about your future and that doesn't disappear like a light switch after the ablation.

    You need to have faith now in your own physical healing, and as your body heals so your mind will accept that you are getting better.

    Honestly no advice I can give you but it takes time, BUT it will come, you will feel better, more stable, more physically able, and feel better about yourself. Give yourself a break and allow this short term weakness, long term your inner strength will come through.

    Be well

    Ian

  • Thank you , I just wish I was emotionally strong. I'll try to give myself a break because I've been super stressed

  • Niyakelly , Beancounter has just given the best reply and advice that I've ever read on here. Read it over slowly and take it in. Just absorbing what he said will make you feel better.

  • Yes, bean counters advice was right on. You have just been through a major procedure with sedation . Your body needs time to heal so of course you are overly emotional. Get lots of rest and each day it will get better and better. Best of luck to you, Gracey

  • I am older and going through multiple ablations brings me down. It has been three days not even three weeks or months. Heck recovery blanking is 2-3 months.

    Give yourself time.

  • I'm honestly trying to give myself time, I feel alone. No one knows exactly what I feel or go through on a daily basis. If you mind me asking why have you had multiple ablations done?

  • First in 2011. Stroke last year when afib came back. Failed ablation beginning of year. Mostly successful ablation in July. May need a forth touchup for a last hot spot. My afib when it occurred was persistent and bad. An extreme case.

  • I'm sorry you went through so much :/

  • Give yourself time. Ablations are not easy. They do not just do them for no reason. Three days you will still be worn out just from the procedure itself. The heart gets irritated being burned even if it is for a good reason. It has not had anywhere near the time to heal from the procedure. You may even get chest tightness or some pain just from the irritated heart.

  • I have to manage my stress and crying. I'll give myself more time. I foolishly thought after the ablation BOOM back to normal but boy was I wrong, that's probably why I'm so stressed and crying all the time I got my hopes too high.

  • It can be hard. It is basically a fairly starightforward procedure and fairly low risk. The big but is they are still taking on your heart. I mean if I think about my heart having been burned or cyro it really is not a simple thought.

    You can try and tell yourself it is over and all is healing. But if you actually think about it they did mess with a major needed oragan. It is not as simple as everyone makes it out to be,

    We say it because there is low risk of complication and let us sleep during the night.

    I feel guilty for putting so much burden on my wife and son. But if I hadnt I wouldnt be around to repay them or at least in no shape to repay them.

    Concentrate on getting well and I am sure you are not a burden. When you have healed you can repay your mom in whatever ways you think is right. Hopefully you will regain the energy and health to do so. That is the important thing right now. heal so you can be there for your mom in the future to repay her if you wish to do so.

  • Hi Niyakelly - Oh how scary that must have been for you to be left on your own just a few days after your ablation. After my first one I know I needed someone to be there for me for a while. The trouble is some people just don't realise how dreadfully poorly you can feel afterwards and that you need emotional support for a while. I guess it depends on how much you had done during the procedure as to how you will feel afterwards. Just knowing that you have someone with you makes you feel secure and certainly helps.

    You are probably suffering a little from the trauma of having your procedure carried out and I'm sure that will soon pass. Just take it easy now for a few days and after a week or so you will feel so much brighter and able to cope on your own.

    Always here for you if you need to talk.

    Big hug.

    Jean

  • Thank you for your response Jean. I just don't want to be a huge burden to my mom. She's been there 3months before my ablation and I feel she stopped her life for me. The one time she goes out to have fun I can't handle it I want her home I know it's extremely selfish but I can't let go it sucks I want to bounce back so everyone can go back to their normal lives. I want to feel comfortable when my moms not home it's difficult. I want to be strong & have strength I panic over everything.

  • Hi, I do feel for you, and I'm going to tell you a secret - well it won't be now! I don't like it when my husband goes away for the night. I don't like being alone and I don't like the dark, my imagination is too active ...... But I am old enough to be your great grandma and I've learned to cope. Except after I had an angiogram because of chest pains, I managed for a few days and then I fell apart and cried and cried. So you must not feel bad because you feel as you do. Someone should have warned you and your mum that an ablation is not a quick fix. Many other people here have felt like you and I bet in their heads they wanted their mother too. Be kind to yourself. For now try to do something to take your mind off your feelings and the time will soon pass 😘

  • Thank you so much Buffafly. My mind is also very active when alone. I try to distrac myself then my mind worry about random things then I'm back to square one and get frustrated and often wonder what's wrong with me why can I do this or why can't I do that or why am I so weak. I will take your word and be kinder to myself because the stress is a lot on me

  • We all want someone who cares near to us when we are not feeling too great. You will get through this and be back to normal life very soon. What you are feeling is natural after what you've been through, so don't beat yourself up. Just give it a little more time. You know sometimes we have to count our blessings and think how lucky we are. Now aren't you lucky that you didn't need a limb removed or lose an eye. Then you would have had something to really feel sorry about. You still look perfect and have a healthy life ahead of you. Count your blessings please. Someone who has just been diagnosed with cancer would willingly swop illnesses with you. Take care and be aware we who have had ablations know just how you are feeling.

    Big hug.

    Jean

  • Hi, just a long shot, but are you on any drugs new to you? I mention this because I was put on some a couple of years back, for AF, and I went into immediate sort of depression. I felt so low and useless, changed drugs and all was well within a day.

    As I said just a long shot but worth mentioning maybe?

    Koll

  • I was on verapamil 120ml starting October 8th and it made my feel horrible even though it did slow my heart rate . I stopped taking it October 25 doctors order because I told him how they made me feel and they are working for me because I still have symptoms. Currently I'm not on any type of medication

  • Hi Niyakelly

    Firstly I really feel for you and know you have had a roller coaster ride!!! You are very young to have had an ablation but you are not the youngest on here!!! However there are some real positives in your post and the replies (including your own ones) and you will get better. You are only 6 years younger than my own daughter.

    The fact that you have realised and analysed already some of your thoughts, concerns, frights and emotions is brilliant. It is also good that you were willing to come on here and share things. As we say in the UK a problem shared is a problem halved!!!!

    You can be assured that you will get much support, advice, reassurance and comforting on this forum. It is a very active one and supportive one.

    You have a young tender heart physically (and emotionally) and therefore it will almost certainly react more fiercely than for someone in their 50s or 60s. However it should, with a bit of luck, calm down a bit quicker. Just think of your hands compared to someone's who is in their 60s!!

    Also don't forget that our hands are designed to get cuts and burns. If you have burnt your hand or fingers you will know how long (weeks) that it takes to heal. Your heart was never designed to be burnt or cut and it's under so many protective layers. No wonder it easily gets angry and inflamed!!!

    Normally they say it takes 3 to 6 months to stabilise and recover. However for a very few it can take up to a year and a few (very few) a couple of months. You are only on day 3 of this part of your journey!!!

    Some people seem to think that just because you don't have a zip all the way up your chest that very little has happened. How wrong those people are!!! At least you won't have those scars!!!

    One thing that many of us on here suffer from is people who just don't have a clue what we are suffering physically and the limitations that we suffer physically. That goes for many of our families and friends and believe it or not some medics from consultants right the way down the chain. Some of the medics are the worst!!! In some ways many of us are too good at managing our problems and limitations!!!

    You may not realise this but there are many who believe / know (and women who will confirm) that for women hormonal chances throughout the month can make things worse and better. It can trigger AF and for those who are in persistent AF exacerbate it. In the past (some still do) medics tended to brush things off as purely hormonal rather than the hormones triggering a chain reaction.

    One thing that I have learnt in the last two years is how sophisticated the human body is but, importantly, how inter dependent and inter related different parts are and how one thing can upset the balance and how a problem can richoshade throughout the body.

    Yes you have been through a lot without doubt. However as has been said some have been through far worse. My cousin is a paediatric consultant and it's so sad about some of the children he sees.

    The following is meant to be reassuring though it may appear blunt. Apologies to some of the regulars who have seen it before.

    My father used to say you are at where you are at and it may not be where you had wanted or expected to be. You can only move forward from here but you can only look back to help you to move forward. He even said this after being diagnosed with terminal cancer. He was given less than 12 months to live but because of his determination and some (then) pioneering treatment lived for about 5 years. You are not in that boat!!!!

    Good luck and keep us posted as to how you are getting on.

    GOOD LUCK AND KEEP YOUR CHIN UP!!!!

  • Hi NiyaKelly! I hope you are feeling better today. I totally can empathize with you as I too was feeling like you did when I was just diagnosed with AF. I was relaying on my husband so much that I did not want him out of might sight for fear that if something were to happen to me there will be no one to take care of me or send me to the ER. But over time, trust me, you will gradually gain your confidence back. It is still early days for you.. Give yourself time. Try to fill your mind with positive thoughts. Like everyone has been saying here (and my EP too), AF is not life threatening and rarely will it lead to cardiac arrest. You are young .. You have everything to look forward to in life ... Just keep telling yourself that you can and you will get better. Don't be too hard on yourself. Give yourself some time to fully recover.. I wish you all the best.. Also I find people in this community are genuinely caring and helpful.. For me I find my comfort just reading all the positive answers and each individual's AF experience here. You can always turn to all of us here if need be.. Stay well!

  • Hi NiyaKelly

    I just wondered if you've shared your feelings with anyone else? Do you have a friend you could chat to that could even read these posts to help them understand what you're going through?

    If not I wonder if you could do with some professional psychological support? Perhaps talk to your Mum or Doctor about this if you're still feeling low. Stopping your meds and the enormity of it all may have triggered depression.

    I do hope you start feeling better soon, but you may need some help with this.

    💕

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