Feeling really down

I'm sitting here in the ER as I write here just the usual another afib attack just waiting to convert back. I can't help but to feel down everything I'm here you would think I'd be used to it by now since it comes and goes but it's like every time I feel my depression just gets worse and worse. Sorry I'm just venting. I can't help but to feel jealous of other people hearts is this a normal feeling? Question to those who have dealt with this for many years will my life ever feel the same?

51 Replies

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  • What a drag to have to endure the same miserable routine! Hope they get you stable and on your way ASAP. You ask "why" about the depression? Besides the helplessness, there must also be a biological component when your physiology is turned upside down. Keep us posted.

  • Hello jadezmommy

    I know those feelings only too well. I was very depressed because of AF so much so I was prescribed Sertraline antidepressants. They helped me to come to terms with AF and appreciate the days when I am free of it. It is a frightening time but please realise it will pass. Don't let it rule your life by thinking about the next time. It is easy to talk but if you can, learn to live in the moment. Just think what a strong minded person you are in dealing with your situation. I hope you have anticoagulants and an EP. Sending love and light

    Sunigirl.

  • No doctor has put me on anti coagulants as of yet which is another reason why everything I go into a fib I automatically think I'm having a stroke I finally got put on a list to see an EP so I have an a appointment on March 14

  • You need to be really positive and seek solutions. Have you seen an EP yet? Have you considered the ablation route? My AF got progressively worse over a 5 year period, many A&E visits, feelings of helplessness, etc. Flecainide was quite successful for me, but the PVI ablation has left me virtually AF free for a year - and no drugs into the bargain! Still get ectopic runs now and then but none of that characteristic ghastly, bouncy feeling in the chest! There are some really good threads on here with possible solutions for you - get reading, get mentally right and then decide your personal way forward!

  • Thank you ! I've been hospitalized in the past 4 months around 5 or 6 times and they always refuse the ablation on me because they thinks I'm too young (27) I finally got an EP to see me but that's not until March 14th so I'm praying he will help me get out of my misery.

  • It's precisely your youth which makes ablation the best possible route in my opinion! One of my former students had an ablation at aged 18. Transformed her life!

  • I'm going to continue to push for it I won't give up I feel my quality of life will definitely improve with an ablation *fingers crossed*

  • Hi, it's horrid, I have PAF but very few attacks thank God!! But early days I took sertraline for a year, helped depression a lot, I would agree ablation ideal at your age, your ep may very well say that to!! So good luck next month, let us know how that goes, thinking of you today and hope your home soon xx

  • Hi , I was where you are now never been in hospital till af struck , feeling why me ,when will this end week after week going upto a&e ,but the good thing was it was all being caught on ECG so when I saw my cardiologist and ep the evidence was there , now I'm 6 month post pvi ablation still on meds but things have been ok for a while now , mentally it's left a big scar which I'm trying to deal with on a daily basis good days and bad days , chin up I'm sure they will get you sorted soon one way or another cheers Paul

  • Thank you! It's hard not to get down in these places I feel like I'm starting to get to know the same nurses and the same doctors I normally know what's going to happen next kinda like a scene of a movie I keep replaying except is me starting the role :/ I hope to get the ablation soon and be on the other side as yourself well wishes to you!

  • I know exactly how you are feeling last Friday I was sat in hospital waiting for my heart to revert back again. I forget how many times its happened now it just blurs in to one. I understand your depression but look at it this way at least it's still beating which is one good thing.

    Mark

  • Yea I try to look at the positive of it I know I'm. Still alive I can kiss my daughter good night once more I tell my self this everyday but some how af seems to always wins it gets the best out of me and now it looks like it's going to take over my work because I might be let go off because of this.

  • Take advice quickly about that as they should not be allowed to but can take advantage of your ignorance and low emotional state so you need to be prepared.

    Best wishes for your EP consultation!

  • Have you considered ablation therapy?

  • Absolutely I just can't get any good doctor to take me serious they say because I'm young the pills will do fine but obviously not because here I am once again.

  • My SVT got so bad it was happening weekly each time I felt a little more broken and more upset. Felt it was a knock back each time. I stopped wanting to go out with friends etc as I felt like a burden Incase I ended up in hospital it would ruin there day. This went on for two years and I remember a nurse said to me in a and e when I was very teary

    "One day you will look back and it will be a distant memory of a small chapter in your life"

    I thought that would never be true. 2nd ablation later I have been SVT free for three months and counting!

    I know it's hard but try and stay strong and positive. 😊

    You will get through it xx

  • Thank you so much ! I keep telling myself one day I'm going to stubble across a doctor who's going to take my case serious I'm hoping that is soon as I would love to have my old life back. I'm literally hiding under a rock I don't do anything but go to work and come home. I feel like I will also lose my relationship over this over time. It's sad :/

  • Your EP will. Just wish it weren't a month away to see him.

  • Will your life ever feel the same? No it won't. However, when one gets though the tunnel and into the light at the end, the contrast between those Dark Days that have been left behind and the improved situation make the euphoria all the sweeter.

  • I am a psychotherapist who had first event on Xmas day with some small leads up to it in hindsight. Another attack three weeks later and blessedly nothing since. What I do strongly recall was a huge feeling of sadness and very low mood around the time of the events and of course after. I am sure this is linked. So. My words of wisdom are not to be too hard on yourself for feel so low it is your body not entirely your brain that's giving you the depression. The sense of being out of control is also terribly debilitating My thoughts are with you You will get better

  • Thank you so much! I'm glad to know I'm not alone. Praying for those better days for all of us.

  • They will come. Are you taking magnesium ?

  • No not taking any supplements at this time but I definitely want to try it .

  • You need to be with people. I have had chronic AF since at least 2008 and heart bypass with new aortic valve six months ago. The operation was very successful but left me very gloomy aggravated by a broken relationship. I had to dig very deep to survive.

    Meditation, yoga, rehab, cycling, volunteering in a school and dancing all helped if they are a possibility. Try and build up an event profile so there always something on the horizon. You will have to work at it so that the spiral does not suck you in. Drugs should be your very last resort. It may be difficult to arrange and you need to be determined. You are young so you should find the energy. Good luck!

    JamesP

  • Thank you James! You are right I need to push myself to be a little more pro active.

  • My experience is that the EP (and specialist staff) is everything. All the other doctors are an irrelevance (or worse). I ignore everyone else when it comes to AF. Personally I think if you haven't yet seen an EP then in effect you haven't seen a doctor yet. So don't lose hope and focus on the specialist. In the future always absolutely insist on getting to the specialist, and if you can raise a few quid, go privately if/when you're in a hurry.

    Other's experience may be different but that's mine. Hope you get a result soon :-)

    Koll

  • Thank you so much just I am axiously waiting for March 14 so I can finally see my EP I swear I sometimes have dreams of it!

  • I know that feeling very well., i reckon the amount of times i've thought of what i'll say to the ep when i can get to him is getting into many hundreds now in 3 long waiting waiting waiting months. Do absolutely anything that calms the heart/breath, makes you smile/laugh and be gentle with yourself, don't turn against your mind/body/heart. Try listening to/reading dr Bernie seagel and put a steady slow heartbeat on the background, it helps soothe me. Oh, and i am very wary of that time of the month, i've been off the scale at those times. You've got a date with your ep - YAY! Look forward to hearing how it goes while i wait for mine!

  • I do recommend. See YouTube de Sanjay Gupta cardiologist York university uk.

  • In the same boat I was in ER last Saturday morning after being being in af all night . I only have a pip and like you I was fearing having a stroke it doesn't help when I already suffer with anxiety . What amazes me is I have no follow up appointment with the cardiologist . So I have decided to be more forceful and am sitting here waiting to see my doctor to demand an appointment with an EP doctor as I can't live like this anymore

  • We should get a petition together about lack of after-care...I think about this often but hardly have the strength to do what i need to do to get through the days. Maybe one day....Think a lot of people are the same, some lucky ones can see an ep privately, now i know why they do, waiting to see the expert is excruciating...

  • Stargazer- djroute is in America.

  • gotcha x

  • Are you in the UK? I just am finding what I read on here different in the UK, for me at least, in t he attitude of the specialists. I sympathise with your feelings and I feel a bit like that but not completely depressed. I have been told it is not life threatening but I have a 5x increase stroke risk. But I can't see the point of going to A&E because they can't do anything and it would only increase my stress levels although I have established mine only lasts for 36 hours. I have only been getting PAF since just before Christmas when my knee replacement operation was cancelled which is how they found I had AF. That is depressing because as mine seems to be triggered by anxiety I'm not sure how or when I will get the operation now. I've had three episodes since then and yes, it is a bit scary. I have been to what is considered the top Cardiothoracic Unit in Essex and (and yes it was a an EP) they seem very ambivalent about it. I was in AF when I was seen and all I had was an ECG and the not very nice consultant just said you've got AF do you want to go on Warfarin? I am 65 and only level 1 so have decided against it for now, anyway. My GP thinks that was the right decision. I am trying not to let it absorb me although finding that difficult as others on here are as well. I'm on 2.5mg of Bisoprolol and that seems to be the only "help" offered. It has lowered my resting heart rate from 58 to 45 but the medical profession seem to think that doesn't matter.

    I haven't succeeded yet by I think relaxation is the best way forwards as most people seem very anxious which is understandable because that seems my biggest issue.

    Dave

  • Try to keep moderately active too. I think one reason I avoided stroke without having been on anything for increasing AF was a strong heart. It helps with the physical and mental depression that comes with AF, too.

  • Big hugs to you - at the beginning it is so much to take in and the fact that it comes and goes makes it feel like it is defying your best efforts.

    The good news is that you will see an EP soon - I agree with Koll, an EP is a must. Prepare yourself with knowledge and questions and look to a better future with proper care and management of your AF. Life does get better - different but better. xx

  • Consider not going to A&E next time. There is nothing they can do and it only adds to the stress. I never went when I got episodes. Mine lasted 6/8 hours and the reverted to normal. Of course yours may be different.

    Like koll says, GPs have no idea so the EP is a must. I think there is a strong possibility he will recommend ablation. Mine gave me the option - try various meds or go for ablation. I opted for ablation. I had to wait 6 months and he put me on bisoprolol while I waited. I had the ablation in November 2013 and AF free since then.

    So try to be positive. Treatment is improving all the time. Look at SRM grandma's posts about diet, get some exercise and you can buy magnesium oil in the chemist and just spray it on.

    These things can help.

    Good luck🍀

  • I hear you. I'm always looking around at people my age and wondering why I have to deal with af and not them. I take my kids to their sports classes and I'm jealous of all the active parents. My af seems to be triggered by exercise, so I sit and watch. I haven't been dealing with this for long and I'm hoping it'll get easier to cope. My EP has recommended nothing. My episodes are short at this point and generally a few weeks apart. Apparently the risks in an af ablation are not worth the benefit at this point. Same with the drugs. Which I guess is good news, but on the other hand I'm left wanting a fix.

    Anyway I have heard that af is as individual as the person who has to deal with it so your options might well be different than my (non)options. I hope you find some relief and some answers.

  • Dear Jadezmummy,

    I recommend drjohnday.com - click on 'reverse heart disease' and then 'cure A-fib'. He is a doctor who himself suffers from the problem, and who spends his time working with heart patients, so he knows what he is talking about as both a doctor and a patient. He is passionate about helping people decrease their A-Fib through life-style, and only using medications and ablations when really necessary. He has a really good weekly newsletter, as well as all the information on his website.

    Those of us with A-fib have a slightly higher risk of a stroke than others do, but the risk is no higher when we are having a bout of A-fib, so there is no need to sit in fear or go to A & E, unless you are getting pain or breathlessness which is unusual for you. Just take things quietly (you will probably have less energy than usual) and try to concentrate on something else. Often the A-fib is caused by adrenalin ie by anxiety, so getting yourself distracted lessens the anxiety and can help the A-fib to pass. Ring a friend and talk about something else or ask someone to take you out by car . . . you'll soon discover what you can do best at such times.

    Try to notice what appears to trigger it for you - alcohol, caffeine, certain foods, anxiety etc, and avoid those - but don't avoid going out! You have a life to live! Everyone has a risk of bleeding, or stroke, of being run over, of having a car accident - but we still go on living, going out etc! Your risk of stroke has increased slightly, but your risk of internal bleeding because you have taken an aspirin is higher . . . so they won't recommend an anticoagulant until you are much older, as that will just increase the bleeding risk.

    You may like to go down the supplements route eg fish oil (not cod liver oil) slightly increases the time it takes for your blood to clot, so will slightly decrease the risk - and be very good for your body and heart in lots of other ways - or try eating oily fish ie There is lots you can do to improve your health, and every improvement will help your heart, so next time it happens, remember that you are no more likely to have a stroke then than you were ten minutes earlier, and that anyway you are far more likely to be run down on the way to work by the proverbial bus . . . so relax and do something to take your mind off it, and then when it stops - get on and enjoy your family and friends etc.

    Remember: There is life after A-fib, and it starts as soon as the current episode stops . . . Best wishes for a life time of living . . .

    Beth

  • Hi Beth, nice post! can I please ask why not cod liver oil?

  • Thank you! Cod liver oil contains Vitamin A which is not recommended in large amounts. If one followed the recommendations for 'Fish Oil' one could consume a lot of it. It contains Omega 3 fats ie 'EPA' and 'DHA', which are the substances which our bodies need so much, but get little of (unless we're eskimos of course!).

    There is enough Vitamin A in a good multi-vitamin for most of us. It seems to be the one vitamin they are concerned we don't overdose on.

    Nature's Best makes a good quality Fish Oil which can be bought over the internet, or H & B will have some. I always start with a single capsule or tablet a day of any supplement, and then increase it slowly to the recommended amount if I want to, only when I am completely happy with it.

  • Thank you so much Beth loved your response and the way you look at life I will definitely take your words with me. And I will definitely try the fish oil sounds great.

  • Beth

    Some good points above but also some have significant inaccuracies.

    AF sufferers are 5 times more likely to have a stroke and most serious strokes are AF induced. See AFA website, Stroke Association website and many others.

    However it is true to say that bleeding risk could outweigh Anticoagulation risk which is why both scoring systems should be used. However as was told to us at AFA patients day you can not just look at results numbers and compare.

    The bleeding risk of some of the NOACs is lower than warfarin. In the UK aspirin is no longer used as an anticoagulant for AF (only used for some other conditions eg as an anti-platelet).

    Jadezmommy - adrenaline, anxiety and stress are often significant triggers so try and minimise these.

  • Dear Peter,

    Today's post 'The 2016 AF Symposium' (18 Feruary 2016) highlights the question of 'AF induced' stroke.

    My point was that whilst the blood clot may be more likely to form when one is in AF, a stroke does not occur until that clot moves to the brain - which may happen at anytime over the following weeks . . . so to sit and wait for the stroke to happen whilst experiencing AF is to misunderstand the danger ie the research seems to show that AF and stroke do not necessarily, and often don't, occur simultaneously.

    Beth

  • I have been retired 9 years, when my SSS and AF.... Fast AF started in early 2014. I knew exactly what it was and was annoyed that it was going to interfere with my plans?

    I kept to a good diet, exercised and walked every day. I really enjoy my holidays each year.

    Now this group of inconvenient symptoms was going to change my thinking..... (or) was it? I decided to keep doing all the things I had previously done?

    I did not want this to impact on my daily, weekly or future arrangements?

    You have to learn everything about it.

    You have fight it.

    You have to get every bit of news ,advice or help to understand it.

    You have to question every treatment.

    You have to get the best advice from an EP

    You have to decide what is best for you.

    You have to enjoy your lot (many much worse off than you).

    You have to try to enjoy life.

    Best of all keep reading the advice and absorb all the information from sites -like AFA.

    I know sometimes, it is so easy to feel depressed... you are not alone!

    Share you friends and air your views!

  • Thank you I'm definitely going to start living again I've been scared to go to the movies for a while now because of having a episode but I'm going to try it out. Thanks again well wishes for you!

  • Hi there..I had my first AF when not much older than you and after two or three episodes Ive had almost 12 years free of it.Thats why I was so surprised when it suddenly re-emerged a month or so ago.Im on Digoxin now..which doesn't make me feel particularly lively for four or five hours in the day..but my pulse rate has been between 55 and 65 even tho I still get occasional ectopics..the consultant is going for rate not rhythm.What I want to say to you is this .It is not a life-threatening condition...it is a nuisance and can interfere with your life if you let it.Try to stand back a little from it if you can..because as I know to my cost... anxiety has a massive part to play in stimulating episodes.Keep the faith...tell yourself its not cancer and as you can see it hasn't killed me off yet and Im now 70!

  • Thank you! You're definitely right I need to keep reminding myself to live it's so hard not having people around me who don't understand but I will push forward. Well wishes to you !

  • oh dear , just hope al te replies have made you feel better in yourself .

    so adi9ng a q

  • oh dear , just hope all the replies have made you feel better in yourself .

    so adding a post to see if you can make 50 replies.

  • Must be very lucky when I go to ED they cardioverted me as soon as the blood tests come back so only there 3. 4 hours

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