Bullying at work damaging health ..

[ArtyMus]

I would be very interested to know how many people have experienced workplace bullying. This follows my own experience of witnessing my partner (who now has persistent AF) be threatened with the sack, shouted at, sworn at and generally belittled and ridiculed by an overbearing boss. It has been heartbreaking to witness. At times my partner has been frightened of his boss to the point of tears. His boss has also yelled abuse at me for being concerned about his behaviour affecting my partners health. Any feedback I would be so thankful for. Deeply upset to see my partner treated so horrifically. Especially whilst so ill. He's just had his third DC Cardioversion. And yes, once again threatened with the sack despite doing an excellent job under very difficult circumstances.

[Dave1961]

I'd have to ask why your partner continues to work there? I assume you live in a country where workplace laws forbid this kind of behaviour - his boss is asking to be sued.

[Japaholic]

Trade union membership, I say this because you get unlimited legal advice and support

[BobD Volunteer]

Despite legislation which should prevent this sort of behaviour I fear that work place bullying is all too common. My wife who used to work in the bakery of a well known supermarket (not Tesco) suffered a form of bullying for a couple of years and she was not ill in any way. Just happened to be the only full time lady in a department full of MSPs. And yes it affected her mental health until she left.

People with long term conditions such as AF seem to suffer due to there being no outward symptom so people think they are lead swinging I fear. I think that you need to talk to somebody who understands employment law , possibly a union person or Citizens Advice about his rights. Should he find that the only alternative is leaving then this could be constructive dismissal and enable him to seek redress through a tribunal.

I'm sure there are better qualified than I (Ian?) to advise but do something.

Bob

[Thomps95]

Sounds awful! Your partner must document the behaviour, and raise a concern with Human Resources. If your partner is objectively doing an "excellent job" then he needs to document this using objective criteria.

With bullies in the workplace, it's best to recognize that they have a mental / emotional disorder and think of them in that light, as you would a child throwing a tantrum. But that means your partner needs to be the "adult". Listen for the content and ignore the childish bullying mode of communication. It's meaningless tantrum behaviour.

Yes the bullying needs to be reported -- but your partner also needs strategies in the mean time. One tactic that works ("playing the adult") is to rephrase what the bully is ranting about, but in a cool, rational and constructive way. "OK so I understand that you'd like me to prioritize these files at this time. I understand your concern and I'll do that". Although this might seem like enabling behaviour, it will help your partner minimize the amount of bullying: it helps the bully to see that there is a rational, adult way of giving feedback (even if it is dumb feedback), and that you have indeed heard their concerns.

Bullies shout and yell because they do not feel heard, and this person is out of their depth. No good manager belittles their staff.

[ceejayblue]

I was bullied by my boss at work and people knew it was going on, said she shouldn't be doing it but nobody helped. When I finally had a breakdown and was off sick for 6 weeks the senior management finally took notice and although she wasn't "officially" dealt with because she was doing a job nobody else would, we did actually come together and discuss what she'd been doing. Although its not an excuse, she was under great stress herself and home and at work and I think she thought I could deal with the added pressure she was putting on me and that when she shouted that I would stand up for myself. Trouble was she sent me into a downward spiral.

I approached my union - useless as a chocolate teapot, and I spoke to ACAS, supportive with advice but not much else. You have to face up the bullies and report them, and make notes of everything that is said and done so you have evidence to back you up.

[Finvola]

Excellent advice from previous posters, ArtyMus. Can I suggest that as part of the strategy your partner quietly starts thinking about and looking for a new job? Nobody needs the kind of stress he is being put under.

Best wishes to both of you.

[Dadog]

Like the school playground bully, they will retreat if you turn round and hit them back - not literally in this case! This guy can't hurt you physically - if he does, you sue him for assault. Face him up during a tirade and listen to what he has to say. Look him in the eye. When he stops, reply in a logical manner. If he threatens you with the sack, ask him to put this and his reasons, in writing. Bullying is a control and intimidation function. Don't be intimidated or controlled. He is the one out of control.

Let's hope it gets better for you.

[teach2learn]

Never a problem in the workplace (could being a 6 foot woman have anything to do with that?), but a grown daughter's emotional abuse was a definite precursor to my AF onset. Heart felt like a stone for over a year. I can't live without my daughter (and only grandchildren), but if there were no remedy to the work situation, such as excellent above advice, I would find a friendlier, healthier environment touted suite!

[MrsBooboo]

I have been bullied in the workplace. I resigned. I still think back to those times with a lot of anger. When I spoke to my dad yesterday about my weight loss. I said I was not in the right place whilst working to take on this major lifestyle change. I would have continued to put on weight. Stress levels were high, of course I was eating in relation to the amount of stress I was under. My husband has been bullied in his work for many years off and on. I do think it is all too common and something unfortunately we have to learn to live with and cope with, as horrible, depressing and unsatisfying as it sounds. Having a union behind you would give you some back up.