feeling very depressed and fear of going to die

hello iam feeling very depressed at the moment , cant stop crying just keep thinking iam going to die , but have been told af can not kill you . but its so hard to think positive . I have paf . I had ablation done jan 13 which they said looked successful , but get etopics now . and had a couple of episodes where it feels like my heart does a funny thing then it feels like it doing nothing it makes me feel giddy and I feel like I need to catch my breath , I feel like I want to bang my chest to get it to do something ? my heart is constantly on my mind . doctor signed me of work with depression and svt ? he didn't realy take in how depressed I felt I don't think. reffered me to councilling ? because I cant be given antidepressents due to taking fleciniade 50mg x2 aday and iam also on bisoprolol .I was given diazepam a few week back but he told me today only take them when I need them , but I said I need something to help me get through the day , then was told try not to take them . iam nearly 43 and have young children at home I feel like iam effecting them as well . just wish I could get on with my life without the fear that this is af is going to kill me . was given a sheet to tick to see how depressed I was by doctor this morning ,had to fill it in in waiting area after id spoke to him ,as he had to go to another clinic , well could not believe it my answers to all questions were very honest and realy I should have not walked out that surgery until he had looked at it ,in my mind but as I said he had to go to his next clinic .thanks for any advice x

25 Replies

  • Sorry to hear this, I suffered with depression around 5 years ago going through tough financial times with my ex wife....

    You are not alone in how you feel, particularly regards the AF. It is as scary as hell when it happens, even after half a dozen episodes it still worries the pants off me. I used to love camping, walking, going out into the middle of nowhere with the dog, but since the AF I can no longer trust myself to do this for fear of being caught unwell.

    I know the AF won't kill me, I know whilst warfarinised the stroke risk is reduced, but even going through my 2nd ablation last month I still said a few things to myself incase something went wrong. I even wrote stuff and saved it on my phone just in case. It's human.

    Like I said, you are not on your own. I was offered counselling, because at 31 to suddenly find you have a heart condition and are in and out of hospital being jump started every month despite working a very active 12 hours a day job and outdoors in my spare time - really knocked me down.

    Take good care, it does help to talk about it.

  • When I am in A.F. I always feel very tearful and have a feeling that I should just give myself up to the inevitable whatever that might be. In a way this feeling is quite beneficial as it stops me try I g to control the darn thing. I like to be in control and of course I can't control the A.F. as I have never found any specific triggers. I wonder if these emotions are actually triggered by the A.F. and are therefore not straightforward depression. Anyway, non of that helps you feel any better . I just wanted you to know you are not on your own.I hope your doctor treats you seriously when he eventually looks at the questionnaire. X

  • I have sent you a personal message duckpopper. Hope you can access it.

  • Hi Duckpopper, I have sent you a private message too. X

  • Hi, It is very scary when it happens but 13 years on and I am still here. I am having CBT at the moment for generalised anxiety and although it doesn't work for everyone maybe that or counselling is something you could push for. Please try not to let it rule your life, when I was first diagnosed it was not unusual to be just sent on your merry way with the words "of course it will happen again"ringing in your ears and of course he was right, just at the time I didn't believe him so I didn't worry about it. I now seem to get many ectopic beats sometimes for most of the day especially when stressed and that isn't pleasant either but I now realise I have to push it to the back of my mind. Talk to someone on the AFA helpline, they are very good. I was 45 when mine started so I do empathise with you. My best wishes to you. Kath

  • Hi duckpopper, sorry to hear you're feeling so depressed. I have been affected by two different drugs. One made me feel very low, the other downright depressed. Had to stop both.

    I suppose the point is, did you feel like this before the drugs or only afterwards?


  • You say the ablation was done on Jan 13th, two days ago, if that is the case it is quite normal to have these types of things, and worse, happen for a few months post ablation. It will take a good 3 months to have a true picture of how the ablation went. Your EP should have warned you that these things may, and usually do, happen. I had similar things happen for a month or so and then it settled down perfectly. It is very important to remain as calm as you can, it will get much better.

  • hello I had ablation done last yr sorry jan24th 2014 , things have been ok but have been getting etopics and couple of realy horrible episodes where I felt like my heart got stuck , ijust cant help worrying incase I go out and have a funny turn .

  • Getting counselling in the NHS is near impossible or at least a long wait, may I suggest that you seek out low cost counselling centres in your area?

    Look in your local Directory. Some will offer free counselling, some ask for a donation which can be as low as £5 session. The types of counselling will vary but if your go to the BACP site Its Good to Talk they have very good advice on how to find a counsellor you can work with. Don't be afraid to ask questions as to training, qualifications etc of anyone, including an NHS counsellor and don't work with anyone you don't feel comfortable with, no matter how qualified.

    Please don't hesitate to message me privately if you would like any assistance to help find an alternative if your GP can/will not offer you help very soon, please don't just wait. As you correctly identified you need help and support now!

    Well done for reaching out.

  • Hi duckpopper I am sorry your feeling so low I know how thar feels this af is so worrying I am on the same meds as you but am also on antidepressants as well go to your gp or see another ksren

  • hello I was told I cant go on antidepressants because of the flecinide , what ones do you take

  • Sorry to hear you are in a bad way, duckpopper. (Love that name, really cute) I have been on antidepressants for a year (citalopram) and also started flecainide 50mg x2 at about the same time. No one said anything about the two drugs together being a bad thing. As it happens I am coming off the anti d's right now, but truthfully, I have not been aware of any negative reactions re flec. and cital. You need to chat further to your gp, I think. Good luck, Jan

  • thankyou so much I will ask about those tomorrow x just need to get over this fear x

  • HI, poor baby, the fear is horrible. You only mention seeing a GP but it may be the meds that are causing the problem, yes I mean the depression, so maybe you should be seeing an EP who could at least try different ones. Its only a thought but you sound so down. Good luck

  • I don't know been on these meds for over a year now ,got an app to see ep specialist in april , so far away , I just want to get on without having fear in me , everything I do ,im always thinking about my heart

  • Last week I had got myself into such a state, thinking I was going to have a heart attack as I had thumping and jumping and stopping and starting, that I made an emergency apt to see my own GP ( the one who knows who I am) and he did an ECG which came out as normal, that has relieved my stress which has relieved the heart thumping and therefore I am coping much better. Have you seen the EP before, mine has a specialist nurse who is wonderful to talk to, like a huge hug, maybe you can talk to one yourself, the clue is in the word 'specialist'.

  • hello ive seen specialist before , and iam always on phone to arriythma nurse who tells me not to worry ,think she is fed up of me . I have just had a long talk with my dad , and he my brothers and sister and my dads brothers all suffer with anxiety realy bad , do you think this is making my worrying out of control

  • Hi Duckpopper, sorry to hear that you are feeling so low. I also had PAF but had an ablation a few years ago. Whilst waiting for op I was put on Flecainide but after a month or so I went into a very deep depression which my GP put down to being a side effect of the Flec . I stopped them and then was put on a SSRI which I took for about 9 months.

    You may have a similar reaction to Flec, it may be worth asking your GP.

    Hope you soon get some help. Remember we are all here for you.

    Best wishes, Jackie

  • hello whats an ssri x

  • It's a type of antidepressant. It sorts out the Seratonin.

  • I was on Seroxat.

  • Sorry to hear you're feeling low, cyber hugs being sent your way x

  • The fear is horrible, as is the feeling of not being in control but provided you follow the rules and never ignore your AF, you'll be fine.

    I was a depressive for 12 years and have beaten it. You can too, but meanwhile keep up with the meds and I can definately recommend counselling. I suggest CBT.

    I wish you all the best.


  • Hi duckpopper. I think you are so courageous and so real for putting this post up. I honestly think anxiety is one of the cruelest and most debilitating illnesses anyone can have. It is self defeating but also feels so controlling. I know- i have been there too and sometimes still do. But the good news is there are things we can do about it. Could your GP refer you to a specialist for your anxiety/mental health? A talking therapy might be really beneficial for you. I see a health psychologist who has been a wee lifeline for me and taught me many good techniques for coping with this anxiety. I am also enrolled in a group Mindfulness course..if you have ever heard of mindfulness ...i highly recommend it.. it teaches you how to live in the NOW rather than the 'what if' ...through meditation and general kindness to self. This anxiety will pass in time...it may come back in spells but the raw fear will not last permanently ever...try to comfort yourself and use this forum and the supports you have around you. See life through the eyes of your children..even just for a few minutes a day..like appreciating an insect in the garden...i hope that doesn't sound wacky but it is a technique that has truly enriched my life..i say to myself during intense periods of fear 'i am going to allow myself to let go of this fear for a few moments and embrace the simple things my children get true joy from'...and it does work. Anxiety feeds on doubt and depends on us seeking reassurance...this can be conquered and you obviously have strength and courage within to have posted this. Access that bravery at yout lowest points. It is there. You are strong and you are enough. Warm and positive wishes to you xxx

  • thankyou so much for your message it realy does help when people reply , I have been to see a different doctor today who made me feel slightly better ,and has refered me for some kind of councelling I will try anything at moment just to get over this awful fear ,as it is killing me mentaly . I thankyou , and everyone else who has helped me on this site xxx as it realy does help , I was told by doctors to keep of these sites and no looking up af on line as it will not help me only make it worse , but I find it a great help being able to come on here and ask for help because someone is always here . I have been told so many times af can not kill you ,but easy for them to say , I think the fear is more likely to to set of my heart , so iam gona try and do my best but anxiety is such a powerful thing xx

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