All my life, passing women in the street, they have been wary of me -- except the foolish young ones.
It is understandable, after all that has happened, that men have accumulated a bad reputation.
There was a brief moment, when I was about 60, when women saw me as innocuous. The white hair, the kindly, cheerful look, the inability to give chase -- I was their benevolent grandpa.
Then, when the cancer set in, and my walk became funny, and my handful of drugs began to shimmer in my eyes, a new fear arose in them. I was a scary, sick old man on a cane -- a reminder of their own mortality. I was death, pain, a bit of a monster.
It is unfortunate, because I am at peak harmlessness. And a smile from another would mean the world to me.
I wonder sometimes if the classic, staggering monster idea began with prostate cancer -- long before anyone knew what that was.
Poor Black Lagoon creature -- so terrifying to others, so fragile in his bones. He reached out to others in his own fear and pain -- and was steered clear of for his trouble.
God bless the foolish ones that stop to say hello.
Note: It helps to have a dog.
Written by
Cisco99
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I think it is very human to project emotions and thoughts onto others. It probably says more about your own fears than the anonymous people on the street or even friends and family. You have no idea what is really in their heads and hearts. The danger, of course, is that one might isolate oneself from others at the time when we most need the compassion and empathy of others. I've found that given half a chance, most will step up.
When I lived in Bucharest, I noticed that little children on the street would point at me and cling to their mothers. I asked my Romanian friend why. He explained that they had never seen an American before (this was just after Ceaucescu). I asked, "How do they know I'm American? I'm tall and blond, maybe I'm Polish or Scandinavian?" He replied, "It's obvious - you walk like you own the world."
I occasionally have women look at me and some even smile. It’s probably because I don’t look like I’m sick yet. When they look at me I wonder if they would still look at me if they knew I had cancer.
Yayahahahaya. Dunno .... tho ....one look at me and there is no doubt. It does bring out the mothering - nurturing aspect in the ladies tho ...gets you a few comfortable hugs too. In this case “ you “ become the puppy. It’s all good.
Watch out buster ... your wit is starting to have a j-o-h-n ‘ish sharp edge to it .... we’re gonna have to give you a apprentice badge 4th class pretty soon.
Perhaps your dog's Veterinarian could write a prescription for your Dog to take You out for walks once or twice per day, with instructions that you have to clean up after him, let him sniff around and explore stuff, and practice smiling and saying hello to all the other dog owners and walkers you meet along the way. Go with the flow. A dog can be a great social wing man, regardless of one's age or condition.
My dogs made my books , mostly magazines, moldy and yellow , don’t think they were reading any of them. Different dogs are different different I guess.
I have worn suspenders for the last several years, not as a fashion statement, but to keep my
pants up more efficiently than a belt as my body shape changes with age. I have noticed that young women more often smile at me now. Maybe I'm just at benevolent grandpa stage. But hey Cisco, wear suspenders and get a pooch. (I wonder what kind of smiles I would get if my pants did fall down.)
Cajun humorist and chef Justin Wilson referred to those of us who wear both a belt and suspenders as "safety men." Faith is one thing, but having a backup is prudent. Ha!
I don't like a pity party, I think we are all just as good as we were and don't feel sorry for me. I am a fighter and need all the positive help available. This is, in my opinion, the best way to livle with this monster. Merry Christmas.🍸🍸🤠
That’s absolutely right my brother ... we’re all manly men here , we are strong , we’re proud , hold our heads up ....no slight tear in the corner of the eye for us . we got this .... right ...?
We don need no little bit of “ hurt birdie “ - “ wounded warriors “ routine to bring out the mothering instinct in the ladies ....right ... right ? Naaaaaaaa we don need any of that ole stuff.
There's SOMETHING to be said for a stuff upper lip. If you go through the whole day peeing in your pants and bursting into tears -- well, that's no good.
Personally though, there is something to be said for occasionally feeling blue. If you do it right, you then can move on with a courageous approach to life.
If I go a month without a heaping helping of self-pity -- lasting no more than 47 minutes, tops -- it becomes a form of self-deception. For me.
I think you articulate well the kind of things a lot of us feel at least some of the time, although we'd often rather not feel them. These feelings come in different forms and different degrees of severity depending on who we are (straight, gay, just how old, single or coupled, just how sick, past experiences.....) and in what ways our self-worth is dependent on the approval/interest of others. Most people have such feelings to some extent even when perfectly healthy, but PC has a way of upping the ante. It also makes the good stuff, when it happens, that much more precious. But yes, bless those who smile and see, to some extent, past the physical form and emotional defenses, and make contact. And may we all try to be like them!
I am amused and flattered when attractive women are still wary of me....especially when I was on ADT and my testosterone and interest were close to 0. If they only knew. I’m completely harmless.
I think that's right. I have been attributing it to being older and wiser. Women seem to be OK sitting with me, like I have something of value to offer them -- not my engorged penis. I find it has made me a bit more interested in other people, and find women who are not Playboy bunnies all beautiful, no matter their age or contour. That's very nice.
Like with any situation or problem, there can always be interesting and innovative solutions. Much along the lines of tall_allen but different.
It’s innovation my friend. We can lose our handsome looks and be sick / nearing death with cancer but still be desirable to many ladies that need companionship warmth and security. Even appeal to their motherly instincts as well.
For example..... you probably have a hippie part of town ... full of coffee shops , new age incense stores and smoke shops. Start hanging out in a popular coffee house or Starbucks .... wear two large diamond studs in your left ear ... a great haircut with a 18 inch various colored ponytail ( a weave helps if you are blading a bit ) ...( bleach your white hair yellowish with bromine and say the Jacuzzi does it if asked )and expensive , but subtle, hip hippie era clothes ( get a local speciality clothing store to dress you ) Doesn’t matter your physical body style or if you are dripping with adt hormone sweat etc. start meekly , modesty projecting an aura of total comfort and confidence, in command of your environment. showing up in your freshly detailed Ferrari that you park out front down the street to look modest. The idea to portray stable accumulated wealth and substance and a hip tude , not square and old fart stodgy. Comfortable in life.
Share a few grams of your absolutely top drawer flowers ... buy a round of lattes now and then ... leave a nice tip. Casual conversation about the aggravation of your cleaning crew or groundskeepers not showing up on time , again ,losing their key card to the side grounds gate locks etc. ..... expensive repairs on that shrunk up leaking toilet seal on the mostly unused 5th bathroom ... the 3rd garage door where you keep the trailered jet skis / ski boat , getting stuck from non use, again .. ... stuff like that. Just a bit now and then ... here and there. Try to show up two or three days a week at the same time in the mornings before noon.
Before you know it , word will get around and plenty of over 50 , nicely dressed , attractive mature ladies will start showing up in no time. Before long you will have a Entourage of 8 - 10 , mostly ladies and a few guys as well.
If you are single and available the ladies will even become surprisingly friendly, likely even aggressive. Many over 50s ladies are single after being divorced several times, not much interested in much sex if any more than accommodation...often living with their children ..... looking for a safe and very comfortable ... totally secure future ( after their a hole ex’es dumped them with crumbs in a mid life crisis ), a totally independent secure future and companionship... Something you can easily give them. It’s total symbiosis in action. It’s a “ can’t miss “ situation. You are croaking from stage 4 M1 .... only got a 24 - 36 months left or less .... nolo problemo my friend ...even better sometimes. They’ll know time is short and act accordingly. Every body wins with this.
Of course some of us might not quite own that 5800 sq ft mini mansion in the north end ,or have the financial resources that supporting the lifestyle requires ... but you can scale this high end concept to meet the resources that you actually do posses. Set everything up based on your actual resources ( remember you’re croaking and won’t need long term financial resources ) ... keep it real and honest ...it’ll still work if you have planned for your old age properly .... easy breezy .. a sure thing. Try a few of those over 50 social mixers they have every month as well ... lots of opportunities out there if you are serious. Don’t lay around and feel sorry for yourself, get out there and fix things right . A nice honest personality / attitude goes a LOT farther in the mature over 50 demographic.
"A nice honest personality / attitude goes a LOT farther in the mature over 50 demographic." I was right with you up to that point!
My little 'Creature' bit was not an accurate confession of me personally. I could have written it 15 years ago. It is just the way city life is. Men are always a tiny bit predatory-- because we want that smile or acknowledgment. And why should I expect it to be an different? Women, especially the attractive ones, are so put upon. But some stupid part of me wants that nod of approval. Cain't help it!
My father, in one of his honest moments, confessed that all he wanted in life was to make women laugh. It was one of the few times I thought, 'Hey, I feel that way too.' Otherwise, he was not a wise dude.
I am passionately married married to a spookily brilliant and attractive woman who has psychoanalyzed me twelve ways to sundown. I am totally committed to her. But like my dad, I still want those minuscule compliments from strange women. It's in my genes -- my needy conquistador self!
I’ve been married 43 years to this wife , she knows every speck of my behavior, anything at all different would show like a search light at a used car lot sale yayahahahaya
That post represents a collage of three different guys I actually personally know from the local Tower district that have quite successfully made that work. Most of it probably wouldn’t have crossed my own mind but you can’t knock success I guess. In all three cases both parties are surprisingly happy with their new home life ... one , “ V “ is 76 years old and spent more than a decade caring for a sick wife that passed leaving him very lonely and needing companionship. One of the others has cancer like me. One is a retired doctor that worked in the same medical center as I did, back more than 20 years ago.
Clearly it’s different strokes for different folks but loneliness is something most of us are familiar with. Most humans need socialization.
My expectations are that starting a new committed relationship over the age of 70 has only a small likelihood of success but all three of these relationships seem quite giddy with their success. Good for them in all respects , happiness really is where you find it.
Real Christmas stories for all three of these diverse but nice guys.
He’s got a lot more than that. Hey .... I’ve got a vintage tiny BMW roadster out in the garage, all Burl wood and leather ... my wife paid $67K for it back in the nineties. Used severance pay from an old medical job. It’s still her flawless beauty. Kelly Blue Book says it’s worth $1500.00 now tho .... whatever It’ll be one of those rusted $100k barn finds .... 30 years after both of us are gone. Right now, just replacing the drop top costs 4X the book value of the whole car ..... don’t think she drives it 500 miles a year since new. Having a sports car isn’t necessarily “ all that “. Ferrari’s are shockingly expensive to maintain. A never ending wallet drain.
You better leave that Ferrari in those mothballs ...your wife will kick your gluteous maximus up between your shoulder blades .... then you’ll need those suspenders to hold more than your pants up my brother.
Boy you got that right .. and I want to get some of whatever he’s using too. Yayahahahaya that was one of my favorite lines ..’ the drugs made me do it “ .....but you can only use that line just so much before everyone sees right through it , unfortunately.
I had a girl friend that used that line too ..
“ the drugs made me do it “ .... and she “ did it “ a lot all over town. She must have using a lot of drugs I guess yayahahahaya.
When I’m out and about, I try to wear a smile, even if I’m not feeling great about myself. It’s amazing the response you get when passing others with a smile.
Our bodies are our vessels, not our vassals. We set sail in them for a truly brief time, but have a great deal of control over the direction if we find strength to make our heads, hearts and hands work in harmony. Let your unbridled humanity shine through and the smiles you seek will be on the horizon.
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