How to Tell Your Kids About Your Cancer Diagnosis

[ctarleton]

Ran across this article recently. It has lots of possibly helpful things to consider and to tailor to one's own family situation if there are younger children or grandchildren.

Any others here have things to add, based on their experiences?

Charles

[HB1966]

Hi,

I have two girls (7 and 9 years old). We have tried to explain the disease to them in a child-friendly way. It is very important not to lie or gloss over things.

From their classmates, friends or from TV, the children know very well that cancer can be a fatal/deadly disease.

And this question is also asked by the children:

Can cancer be cured ?

Do you have to die earlier ?

You should think carefully before what you answer. We also talked about it with the teachers at school. If the children behave conspicuously, for example crying or completely withdrawing, then the teachers will inform us about it. I also keep telling my children that they can always come to me for questions on this topic. It is not easy, but not to talk about it or to lie about it is absolutely the wrong way. Regards...

[ctarleton in reply to HB1966]

Excellent tips. Thanks so much for sharing.

Charles

[Hidden]

My wife and I rehearsed it a lot. I created a PowerPoint presentation and went through it around the table. My boys are teenagers and we thought they were old enough for straight-up facts.

[snoraste]

I talked to them as well. Pretty much close to what the article suggested. I think as a family we all feel more relieved that we had the discussion.

[Hidden]

Probably the hardest thing I had do since diagnosis. Mine are grown up, but it was still very emotional for me. It's rare that they see that side of me, but I think it's important that they see that you are human too. It was important to me to not put up any walls or pretend everything was "OK" with me to try to protect them. I have a new level of openess now with my family. We are much more "real" now.

[Hex40]

Mine are adult (20s) and we explained my diagnosis last summer which was very emotional for all of us. These last few months have been tough on me for various reasons and I have been very emotional. Emotional to a point to where my daughter withdrew from me a bit not understanding why. Then I essentially gave her a data dump of the meds I’m taking and the side effects and now she understands. For me at least they have to understand not only the illness but the medication’s impact on your everyday life. It very easy for an adult child to tell a parent live for today not understanding why you are a bit down that day and you are not the dad that was pre-diagnosis (thank you Lupron/Xtandi).

[Zetabow]

My boys (11 and 9 years) knew I was sick and needing regular visits to Hospital, we didn't really tell them anything more than that apart from he medicine is helping. The other day my youngest ask if I was going to die, so I went into more details about my condition. I said I will die from it but probably not for many years, I promised them if the Doctor ever tells me I'm dying I would tell them. they seem fine with this.