Mets Everywhere..plse help

[Karenprin]

My dads cancer has spread to liver, lungs, lymph nodes, kidney and bone marrow. I am utterly devastated and in shock. Onco says he can have blood transfusions every week, but he has declined.. can anyone give me any idea of what to expect? Im shattered but want to prepare myself. Thanks everyone. x

[Fairwind]

Few of us are prepared to face end of life issues with ourselves and family members..It might be time to "get his affairs in order" and look into Hospice care, talk to those people, as the end approaches they can be a great help.. The goals now are to keep your Dad comfortable and pain-free and to make the most of your time left with him...

[MelaniePaul]

I am so so sorry. That doesn't sound good at all. It sounds like the cancer is very aggressive and has spread very far. How is your dad feeling? Does he have any symptoms? Any pain? What treatment is he currently on? Or have you switched to palliative care?

To be honest, and I am only saying this because you asked for opinions, I don't think that there is anything they can do, not when the cancer has spread so much. Particularly the liver is worrying because it is such an important organ of the body.

I hope you have good oncologists and a good palliative care team who can advise you on what to do next.

What I think is that he will become symptomatic at some point: lose weight, lose appetite, and perhaps liver and kidney won't work as well as they should which leads to a slow rise of toxins in the body.

I am sorry I can't say anything that sounds positive and certainly nothing that can take your pain away. Just know that we are thinking of you and your dad and please keep posting.

Love, Mel.

[Bookluv]

Please call your local Hospice service. Hospice is under utilized. People come on too late! How do I know this? Well,

I was a hospice nurse and my father is on hospice now for metastatic prostate cancer. Xofigo was a disaster and we said Enough is enough!

Hospice has given him and us great comfort, time and quality of life.

They will help you too!

[Karenprin in reply to Bookluv]

I know that is the best thing and I have been trying to convince him and my stepmother, but they are not wanting it. I am going to try and push it with my brother when he arrives later this week from overseas. Thanks for your support. xxxx

[Bookluv in reply to Karenprin]

I was a nurse for 25 years, a hospice nurse for 15 of them. Let me tell you from that and my own experience with family that when you are not miserable you live longer better, that is what hospice provides. Best to you!

[Dan59]

Karen, I am in a similar situation, and I just go for the transfusions and plan to keep going as long as I can with a lot of family around, there is a drug called amicar which is good to have on hand in case platelets get to low and bleeding starts. It is not an ideal existance, but it is extended life with family, and the transfusions are not hard to do. It is my understanding that if one were to go on hospice transfusions would not be allowed, and possibly not oxygen, this is something to ask hospice. I know hospice has all kinds of drugs to relieve pain. I wish you the best, and I feel your fathers pain.

[Bookluv in reply to Dan59]

Hospice provides oxygen and treatments that provide comfort. Palliative radiation for pain if needed and tolerated. If a person gets an infection they are treated for it, it’s about quality of life.

I was a hospice nurse for 15 years and a nurse for 25.

[Karenprin in reply to Bookluv]

Hi Bookluv. My dad is getting worse and worse every day. Hospice came to his house yesterday and he is accepting of that. We take it from here, everyone is heartbroken. Love Karen

[Bookluv in reply to Karenprin]

Just remember when you are not miserable you live better, longer.

If you can private hire to supplement hospice when needed it works better in my experience.

My father is on hospice and he has been more comfortable.

I hope this helps!

[j-o-h-n]

to Karenprin et al. : PRAY... remember God is on your side.

j-o-h-n Saturday 11/10/2018 7:29 PM EDT

[dmt1121]

I am sure this has been both a very long and too short journey for you. I have two grown daughters and want to spare them from knowing too much too soon, so I can keep our relationship as it is now . Unlike your dad, I am not as far down the path, though heading in the same direction. Your story touched me as a father and a patient. From a father's perspective, it is hard to see your children in such distress, especially when it's because of you. I think what your dad needs now is your love, companionship and help in making the transition. Take a deep breath and don't forget how precious your time together is. Focus on the time you spend together and let hospice give you that time.

I hope you and your dad continue to create wonderful memories together!

[Karenprin in reply to dmt1121]

Hi dmt, Thank you for your message. it was heartfelt. I feel exactly what you are going through and it is the hardest thing I have ever had to do emotionally, I knew what was going on with my dad from the 2013, he was always honest and upright with me. Although one never believes that it will get worse with all the treatment he had. I appreciated that so much albeit it heartbreaking. He came to my house on Friday last week to let me know it had spread, I thought it was only to bone marrow and was shocked it had gone so far. My brother is flying out from Australia on Thurs and we are just going to spend quality time with him, have that whiskey, that huge piece of cake and make memories and laugh a lot. Thank you for your support. I am thinking about you and your daughters aswell. I think just be honest and upfront with them, they may be more upset about you not being straightforward that anything else. Love and hugs to you all.xxx

[ctarleton]

Whatever the details of the path ahead, "BIG HUGS" to all of you going through it together.

[Karenprin in reply to ctarleton]

Thank you so much. He is not doing well.

[Borntopaint]

Only God knows the future but this would be a good time to respect his decisions and have some great talks about the life you have shared. My dad passed from dementia some time back but while he was just a bit confused I would go on walks with him get him in a conversation. I treasure those conversations.