Is happiness possible?

[Darryl]

Is happiness possible after diagnosis? Can happiness be the same as before?

[pjoshea13]

Darryl,

I'm inclined to believe that after a period of adjustment, we mostly revert to whatever our norm is. If you define happiness in terms of emotional well-being & contentment, rather than some transitory joyous state, I'm certainly happy.

(Of course, some are born dyspeptic and remain so throughout life.)

You could have asked whether happiness is possible after failing curative treatment? With a lingering death (13 years so far) there is plenty of time for adjustment. Not so for some of the more lethal forms of cancer.

-Patrick

[dockam]

Happiness is subjective, of course - with or without cancer. I have gotten a new outlook with life after my stage IV PCa Dx in 01/15.

I'm ecstatic (as is my MedOnc) with my PSA so far - at 0.1 from 840, but I know that it will eventually rise as the PCa becomes castrate resistant.

I took pleasure in being able to visit my, my son, daughter in law and 2 grand daughters in Lafayette over Labor day weekend. Not a care in the world - just played with kids

Little accomplishments make me happy. I no longer have long term retirement aspirations - I'm 60 years old and my 5 year survival is at 28% for Stage IV

My life was shattered in 2015, but I'm a survivor and wanna keep on keepin on.

I've now made it my mission to spread my PCa story via FB and with a sign on my back during marathons (17 post Dx) to hopefully spare men what I went thru (30 months ADT and 15 chemos).

blog.athlinks.com/2017/05/1...

So, I take my story and tell it to others and if I can make an impact - a ripple that spreads out to who knows where - the PCa will get me someday, but maybe I can save someone

Fight On - Randy

[Neal-Snyder in reply to dockam]

Don't give up those long-term retirement aspirations, Randy! Ignore the 5 year survival figure, which includes men without good medical care, without good attitudes & lives they enjoy, & without support networks or healthy lifestyles. Don't forget that numbers like that don't take into account that most of the treatments for advanced PCa have become FDA-approved recently. As one well-known med onc told me, "2011 was the Dark Ages for prostate cancer!"

I was diagnosed at age 61 with a PSA of 60.7. My RP failed quickly. So did EBRT. Multiple oncologists predicted short survival times, & what I read about quick recurrence & short doubling times was very discouraging. I haven't been undetectable for many years.

I was talked into retiring at 64 to reduce stress, let me have more fun, & insure a period of retirement while I was relatively healthy. Since then, my wife & I have enjoyed annual extended trips to Southeast Asia, a 3-week trip to Spain & another to China. I'm 75 now, 14 1/2 years after diagnosis. The next trip--2 months in Thailand & Vietnam--starts in January. Four wonderful grandsons, all of whom live within 20 minutes drive of us, have been born since my diagnosis, & have enriched my life.

Retire as soon as you possibly can, & enjoy your life--which may go on for many years!

Neal

[BrentW in reply to Neal-Snyder]

I am following your advice regarding retirement, Neal, resigning from my job in November. Diagnosed in 2004 (age 44), I hung on at work so long because I enjoyed my work -- I am a university professor of palaeontology who thoroughly enjoys doing research. But the time has come for me to hand over the reigns and reduce the stress in my life.

[spinosa in reply to Neal-Snyder]

Stories like this must give us all hope. I've been searching for help/advice since my post-RP PSA moved in January 2015... I had my RP in 2002 at the age of 49... results = no seminal vesicle involvement; no lymph node involvement; negative margins...BUT - extraprostatic extension, so stage T3. Still, my PSA remained below 0.04 for many years. In 2015, it began to rise... 0.06; 0.08; .12, etc. It bounces around between .12 and .18 - so, though I hope, it seems inevitable I will ultimately "fail," have "biochemical failure."

The doctor who did my surgery - Robert Myers at the Mayo Clinic - believes this is benign... my doctor here in town (Bosie, ID), says, when it's time, we'll treat you.

But, what happens then? Do we go on, do we "live"?

The answer - as evidenced here -is yes...in different ways, life is still wonderful, and to be cherished. Thank you all for encouraging one another, and me, as well.

[Hidden in reply to dockam]

I agree with Neal that you should ignore the survival stats. But if you really want to look at them, you should consider that your PSA nadir of .2 or less plus your time to nadir >6 months puts you in the longest survival category for stage 4: a median of 75 months OS. So 1/2 of the people in that category are living longer. There have been a few studies on this.

[pete0550 in reply to dockam]

Keep on keepin on!! Pete

[AlanMeyer in reply to dockam]

Running marathons in your 60's while undergoing ADT and chemo - I am unbelievably impressed! I never even tried to run a marathon when I was in perfect health at age 20. If I had tried, I'm sure I would have dropped out.

I can't help wondering if your effort is also helping to fight the cancer as well as keeping you healthy in other ways.

My congratulations. You are an inspiration.

Alan

[dockam in reply to AlanMeyer]

Hey, thanks for the props!I really feel that my marathon fitness allowed me to endure the 15 chemos the normal protocol is 6, but my MedOnc was really great at letting me help with the course of Tx. As the blog stated - I am like 2 hours slower in marathons, but my new purpose is to be out there with a sign telling my story and trying to get men screened. I have Long Beach marathon in 2 weeks then NYC for Team ZERO in November and home to Honolulu in Dec. My best to you - Randy. Feel free to google Randall Kam prostate cancer :-)!

[Dr_WHO]

Yes happiness is possible. Like must (all), I never want to relive the time when I got "that call", or for that matter the following months. In my case it was for Stage 4D1 Ductal cancer. But then a change occurred. I focused on what was important in life and not worry about the small stuff. I can only do a fraction of what I used to do, and I have more than my share of down days. But I have good days to. I take great joy in the things I can still do. I take even more joy being with Pat, my best friend, my caregiver, my wife.

[BigRich]

I am awaiting test results that will put my treatment in perspective. A great amount of stress. I compartmentalize it; so that, I can enjoy the day. I had this lingering death sentence for 19 years; however, I know I am blessed to have made it this long. I am thankful to the Lord, for giving me this amount of time. I am looking forward to another 5 to 10 years. God has given me strenght to carry this cross.

If I did not have PCa would I be happier-of course. But, I enjoy life.

Rich

[Beauxman]

I was just thinking how great it is to be alive. I accomplished some tasks at work, enjoyed the leisurely walk through the misting rain to get a healthful meal, ate the food and marveled at how unstressed I am in this mature phase of life, compared to the constant striving of my anxious youth. Then I remembered, "Oh yeah, I took a percocet an hour ago." Uh, never mind; that explains everything. (Drugs rock!)

[truckerbob]

Before I was diagnosed with advanced metastatic prostate cancer I was obese, had diabetes and my doctor warned me that I would be put on insulin, had arthritis and inflammation and had bad cholesterol. I spent two weeks thinking that I had to get my affairs in order. I determined to find out what caused my cancer. I started a ketogenic diet and intermittent fasting and in 5 months I lost 50 lbs. My cholesterol is perfect, my A1C dropped like a rock and diabetes is in remission, arthritis and inflammation is gone and I haven't felt this good in 20+ years. I trust my doctors to fight and control my aPc but I know that at any time it could go south and that really doesn't bother me because I have faith in God and eternal life. This has made all the difference in fighting our disease. Faith in the Lord can help us through something like this and is the best medicine I know of. When I see the change in my biomarkers I think of how that would not have been possible without what I learned in my research of health and cancer. I try to savor each day and practice the golden rule to treat others as I would like to be treated. That is true medicine.

[Todd1963]

Darryl,

PCa is the best thing to ever happen to me. I know that sounds stupid but prior to cancer I took life for granted and squandered this amazing gift. That is no longer the case. Life with cancer has become a new normal. It has been 11 years since my stage 4 DX. I started the journey with a PSA of over 3200 and widespread metastasis. Today, 11 years 3 months and 13 days later, my PSA is less than 0.01 and my scans are clean. I have learned to embrace emotional intimacy with my wife and ironically the physical part has regained function. We can throw pity parties and feel sorry for ourselves if we choose to do so but for e, to quote Tim McGraw I will live like I was dying and do it better in my next 30 years

[Hidden in reply to Todd1963]

It's amazing how fighting for something makes you appreciate it more. That's been my experience.

[drsridhar53 in reply to Todd1963]

What was your course of treatment which gave you such remission?

Sridhar

[agnostic in reply to drsridhar53]

Yep, a "valid" question which did not get a reply unfortunately.

[mwschs13]

Paul said, "I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content." I find my happiness is in my relationship with Christ not the progression of this cancer. Thirteen years thru diagnosis, surgery, radiation. Lupton, provenge and now xtandi, I praise the Lord for my happiness and well-being. I stay as active as possible and do not yield to depression. I still have days but I try not to let these get me down.

[TommyTV]

I'm very happy most of the time, and occasionally I get feelings of euphoria, balanced by a day of severe depression about every 9 months.

Strangely, I'm happy because I don't have to worry about getting cancer anymore, it used to occupy my mind at 50.

I'm happy because I've had 6 years, despite a diagnosis of 6 months (because of my PSA of nearly 600 and seven large mets).

I'm happy because I got chosen for Stampede trial arm G, Abiraterone, which is proving to be a real game changer.

I'm happy because I will reach my 50th wedding anniversary next year.

I'm happy to be me.

Martin

[Hidden]

These are good questions. Yes you can find happiness after diagnosis as many of us here have. And that happiness can be the same or even better than before diagnosis.

But if your happiness is based on things you used to have before cancer) but no longer have now, there will be a problem. We lose certain aspects of our quality of life with this disease and we shouldn't deny it or try to pretend we are somehow above it. There is a grieving that we all have to go through for the losses that are part of having an incurable disease.

We have to do some major adaptation to our "new normal" of what our life is now. Sometimes that means finding new meaning beyond what our life "used to be".

In a sense, I feel like I am starting all over again with life. I've been given a gift, a second chance to live, an extension. I feel a great responsibility to make the most of it. It's more challenging in some ways to find happiness, but in other ways I am happier. There are new things to worry about, but also a new freedom from a lot of things I used to worry about but are no longer important.

In this new life, the things that are really important have come into sharp focus. Life has been "stripped down" in a sense and so much of the trivia I occupied myself with in the past has disappeared. With much less thinking about the future, learning how to live fully in each moment has been much easier. We are living, and that is alone is a lot to be happy about.

[pete0550]

I was diagnosed in November 2014, locally advanced with seminal vesicle involvement. Treated with ADT and radiotherapy x37 (at Jimmys in Leeds, UK). I was working at the time, only 18hrs per week for Sainsburys (UK supermarket chain) who supported me wonderfully during the disruptive period of travelling to Leeds daily (from York, 30 miles away). In May 2015, I reached 65 so decided to finish working at end of July 2015 just before going on holiday. Shortly after I lost it mentally, I triggered a dreadful family argument with my partner and teenage daughters on the holiday which could easily have broken us up. With a bit of reflection, I realised I'd become too introspective and was dwelling in the past too much, questioning decisions I'd taken at life's junctions, constantly wondering 'what if'. I discussed my situation with my support nurse who suggested a chat with a psychologist specialising in cancer. A couple of meets with him reassured me that my 'self analysis' of the situation had sorted out my mind. Since then, I've taken life on a live for today basis. I've had 2 trips to stay with a friend in California, 2 European holidays with my family, a trip to NZ to see the Lions rugby. I have my next PSA test this week and if that's OK, my Oncologist will discharge me from f/u, I'll just need regular PSA tests.

Being part of this forum is a bit harrowing, no-one would choose to join it, but gives me a positive outlook when you read other guy's stories and how determined and supportive everyone is to deal with whatever issues they have.

I hope this isn't too much information and sorry if it offends anyone -

sadly my sex life has declined though my libido is good and my orgasms

are intense. Dry orgasms are still a little strange but very enjoyable!! Don't give up guys, use it or lose it as a helpful sex counsellor advised my local support group. So, in terms of happiness, I've had some downs but now I'm happy to wake up each morning and be thankful for being alive.

What more can you wish for after you've heard the dreaded words - you have cancer?

All the best to everyone

Pete

[Caring7]

Yes, yes, you can and will. The first few months after diagnosis are pretty overwhelming. The day-by-day philosophy is the best thing for that, and finding joy in small things. After each scan or chemo treatment, my husband gets an individual packet of Nutter Butters from me. After an MD appt, we would sometimes just go get lunch and sit someplace nice and enjoy it. I think these help a lot.

There's a lot to be overwhelmed about, and a lot of temptation to bury yourself in information and/or hide from everything. Just do whatever it seems you need to do.

My husband was dx 3-1/2 years ago, from the start Advanced PCa with distant bone mets. After a regular MD ignored some mild but distinct warning signs, the only hint my husband had was extreme hip pain, which was a hairline fracture from metastasis. He received his initial diagnosis from an orthopedist (with a radiology report of course).

Today -- my husband is riding in a bicycle century -- 100 miles. Literally today. He has been on Lupron for the whole time, did early chemo, went to castration resistant in a little over a year; Provenge, RA223, and on Xtandi now for almost two years. He has minimal body hair (castration returns one to pre-puberty levels in a lot of ways) - but hey, cyclists shave to get that effect! He does get some nasty hot flashes, has had some untoward side effects to the various treatments, but yes, it's been worth it, and yes, he's been happy -- and as some others wrote -- maybe happier in some ways. He retired at 55 but is now back working part-time.

We are approaching another crossroads as the Xtandi is failing, slowly but definitely. Abiraterone is still in the mix, and there seem to be some trials.

A few other notes:

- PSA magnitude is individual. His was never over 40. Some PSA can be in the hundred or thousands; some PSA just stays pretty low. It's very individual.

- Our consulting oncologist at UCSF, who writes a lot of the national protocols for PCa, really emphasizes *not* to pay attention to the OS and the other statistics. There are so many variations, and also, quite logically, the survival rates are people who have already passed 5 years, 10 years, etc. -- and 5 years ago there was no early chemo, no RA223, no Provenge, no Xtandi, no Abiraterone -- so none of those survival rates include responses to those medications! And then there are co-morbidity factors (other diseases, medical conditions, age). It is very frustrating at times because there are no answers, but as my husband continues to survive and thrive, we have just come to be happy that we are in his "fourth year of life" as he likes to call it, and he's still enjoying life quite a bit. He's past the 1/2 way mark in the century in the Honolulu heat, so he may not be enjoying it quite as much at this very moment, but he's on his bike and riding like the wind!

[thevvy]

Shit yeah .... I am happier now than I was prior to my stage 4 DX. (yeah I know ... I a LOT strange) but the BOSS and I have made our peace, and he has postponed my transfer to HQ for a while. Post Dx my head was all over the place for about a week, and then one day, while watching a mates Jack Russel terrier, I decided that they have the most awesome outlook on life. I know I've said this on here many times, but I'll say it again anyway. If they can't eat it or screw it, they piss on it and walk away with a jaunty step, a wagging tail and not a care in the world!

That has been my attitude since. My angel and I have come to terms with the future and we live life for today, like there will be no tomorrow.

I am happier now than I have been for several years. I almost (note I said ALMOST) wish I had been diagnosed years ago, as I wasted so much time pursuing material and ultimately useless things.

My PSA has come down from 10 in April this year to 0.68 as of 2 weeks ago. (Another blood test tomorrow)

As an aside, this site has influenced me nearly as much as my mates dog, Jack (what else do you call a Jack Russel terrier).

So to all you fellow travellers out there .... thank you for your wisdom, knowledge, support and humour!

Cheers

Thevvy

[Apollo123]

Yes it’s possible to be happy. The first 6months were hard and an adjustment period to accept what I had but now I love my life. I notice things now I used to just take for granted. We all have days but I’ve adjusted to the new me and the best feeling of all is when I forget I have cancer!