Closer to death

[Darryl]

Someone wrote the following to me. "Today, I feel closer to death then ever. "

I'm wondering how you (our group) might feel about the idea of being closer to death.

[Jvaughan0]

Closer to death can make one feel more alive. Certainly there is fear based on the unknowns, but it can be like the last sip of a great bottle of wine. It is a collision of memories- life itself flashing before one's eyes- as we fathom the meaning of who we are and what we have done or missed doing. Even after death we continue to exist on this earth through the memories of those we have touched. Make the last memories count. Death is not a unique experience. It will happen to everyone. Truly being alive is unique, seeking expression within each moment.

[YostConner in reply to Jvaughan0]

I can't put it better than this. For me (and this is a week I feel closer to death), it's about creating memories for the friends and family around me--and oddly enouh, trying to bring them comfort.

[Dan59 in reply to YostConner]

Yost you have lots of time left, time enough to make a difference. I believe you are right it is about creating memories for friends and Family.

Live every day Yost, i am always impressed by your kind hearted post.

Dan

[YostConner in reply to Dan59]

Oh, it's not imminent, just closer. It's the feeling we all get when we have to change therapies. Have a great weekend!

[Hidden in reply to YostConner]

How about that, Yost. It must be hard to give comfort to others when you're the ill one. I wish you the best, and on the other hand, one thing sticks out, you ain't dead yet! You can still beat this bastard.

Joe

[pjoshea13]

Darryl

13 years ago, having had a negative biopsy 9 months earlier, I was suddenly a Gleason 4+3 with a failed RP & about to fail salvage radiation. There were few remaining options back then, & I thought about death every day.

I was as functional as ever (except for the sex), but I must have been suffering from subclinical depression for those first couple of years.

Now 13 years later, I am clearly much closer to death, but I don't often think about it, & no longer with dread.

I am now months away from my 70th birthday & my 50th wedding anniversary - unexpected milestones. Age 62 was a notable achievement (at least I would get some of my Social Security contributions back), & then 65 (Medicare-eligible). What next? Another 5 years until 75. Seems a bit iffy to me, but we'll see.

The way I feel about death now is that when it happens, it'll be OK. Which is not how I felt about it 13 years ago. There was nothing OK about it back then.

-Patrick

[BigRich in reply to pjoshea13]

Patrick.

Im trying to die with PCa, not from it. I am trying to find a church body that I can worship with that is not is materialistic. I got it down to four religious bodies. where I am going to go to mass and later interview the ministers, priesta and pastors. Pray with a community. Also, I would like to learn more about the bible and God's word. I would like to prepare for death. Of courese, death could come quickly tonight with, for instant, a massive heart attack. The best laid plans of both mice and men can go astray.

Rich

[Dr_WHO]

When I was first diagnosed with an advanced case of a rare form (Ductal) the doctors originally gave me less than five years. The first couple of months were hard. My concern was with my wife. Her being alone was what brought me to tears. It was a bit later that they said their original estimate was wrong and I have every reason to think I will be here a LOT longer. While I will continue to fight the beast as hard as I can, I am at peace. We try to make the most out of each day. We definitely do not take life or each other for granted. It is very special for us to simply sit on the back porch, play some soft music and the sounds of the wildlife in the background. When the time comes I will be ready. I just hope that my wife would also be ready.

[Hidden]

Today, I feel closer to life than ever. That's because I no longer take it for granted like I did in the past. Now that we know and accept that our time here is limited, we can focus on living whatever we are given it to the fullest, appreciating it as we should, learning to be fully conscious in the present moment.

We are all one day closer to death from the day we are born. Life will always be too short, no matter how long it lasts. Put your energy into making it the best to can be.

[Hidden]

Bring it on. I have been living on the edge most all my life. Raised on the wrong side of the tracks, lived like an animal in Vietnam, only to return and work a dangerous job until I retired. When it's time, it's time, I'm not going to gravel on the ground like a coward begging for my life.

[Sisira]

I have lived up to 70 with more ups and only a few downs. With lot of enjoyable affiliations. Given more to the family and society than what I have taken. I feel accomplished. No difficulty for me to accept death as a reality and a natural phenomenon common to all living beings. Each living day is very precious for me until my last day. My only wish is to meet a painless and peaceful END.

Recently I read the book " When Breath Becomes Air" by Dr.Paul Kalanithi, an eminent neuro surgeon who died at the age of 37 due to lung cancer, just 2 years after diagnosis. Its a very poignant story but the courage he had shown in coming to terms with his death is really amazing!

May all be happy and peaceful in each day of living and discount the day of departure. All of us will be buried in the sands of time some day!

Sisira

[chascri]

We're born, we live, we love, we laugh, we cry and then we die. It's important to grab all the gusto we can along the way. The past is history, the future a mystery filled with unlimited possibilities. All any of us have is today, make the most of it. May the force be with you.

[Hidden]

As I sit here on this Saturday morning, I'm watching classic car after classic car, line up to register for today's car show in town. In 1981, I bought a '65 Dodge Dart GT. She sits in a storage garage right now, waiting for me to feel better, so I can restore her. You see, I have things to do. I have to teach my grandson how to fish, and from there, I want to teach him how to be a proper young man.

The way I see it, after we're born, we cheat death everyday. Just walking out the door and getting in your car, is a dangerous thing to do today. Screw the cancer, when the time comes, I'm going to be smiling.

Peace My Friends, Joe

[Dan59 in reply to Hidden]

Joe , as a commercial fisherman, and generally high risk guy, I feel like I cheated death all my life, Now I am in the airport waiting for my flight to Alaska, I hope you guys have a great week, and get that Grandson out fishing with Grandpa

[Hidden in reply to Dan59]

Have fun, Dan.

[Break60]

In a way, knowing how and when you're likely to die is strangely liberating . My dad lived to 94 and looked like a wrinkled prune. I wasn't looking forward to living that long and now don't have that worry (lol) ! I've not been afraid of dying just don't want to suffer a lengthy death. My worry now is that PCa is a long painful death. Not what anyone wants! Right now I'm watching hurricane Irma's track . I live on Hilton Head Island which got a direct hit last October from Matthew. The Island lost tens of thousands of trees, mostly pines. I had no damage to my home thankfully. Now Irma is approaching but so far it's projected to not hit SC directly but it's much bigger than Matthew. The Island has been given a mandatory evacuation order (again)! Screw it. I'm not leaving. Life's too short as they say!

Bob

[Shepard]

My first reaction was, "hey, I'm not ready yet." My concern was for taking care of material things. As I am single with no family or relatives, my worry was causing burden to friends. Being a rancher/farmer (very dangerous occupation) I was concerned about sudden death. This could still happen, but now my direction is for a "programmed death." This gives me a measure of peace as I plan out all the details of providing for my estate and planning for livestock and pet care following my demise. Each step frees me of a portion of death concerns so I can concentrate a greater part of my energy on day to day living. I view it as a sort of contest where I find "work arounds" to compensate for lost physical capability. Freeing one's self from the bonds of this earth gives the spirit freedom to rise and fly. Having lived 78 years very fully, I count blessings as they come and hopefully a good death will add to that count. If not so good, I will still be free!

[Hidden in reply to Shepard]

"Freeing one's self from the bonds of this earth gives the spirit freedom to rise and fly."

Thanks for pointing that out. It's very true and something I've noticed as well. In some ways I am happier now than I've ever been on my life. One of the reasons is that I am beginning to be free of the attachments/burdens of physical earth life. It really does make your spirit rise up, as if the chains have been cut. It's a little scary to let go of these things, but so freeing.

[j-o-h-n]

I saw a bumper sticker which read "You're not getting older you're just dying".

j-o-h-n Saturday 09/09/2017 11:54 AM EST

[DLWill in reply to j-o-h-n]

I do not believe that we are "dying" I believe we are "living" until we die.

[j-o-h-n]

good point....

J-o-h-n Sunday 09/10/2017 2:38 PM EST

[bjorner3]

We all have our thoughts of death. We have already each lost friends and family who went before us. PC brings thoughts of our own demise closer but we all choose to fight rather than give in to this monster we got stuck with. My journey has been relatively short having not gotten to my first anniversary for my RP. But the year has been filled with with lots of life and nice surprises for me. I want more of those years for us all. Keep fighting the fight keep living to get closer to an ultimate cure as medical science moves forward and solves some of this life threatening issues for all. I will be thankful for the time I have lived compared to some dear friends the youngest passing away at age 31 from testicular cancer. He would be 66 today like me. I have three sons who I am not ready to leave. This cancer also brought me a dear partner whom I don't want to leave either. In the middle of my beginning fight with PC this angel was dropped in my lap and showed me that love can conquer PC and give you a stronger will to live. We all have our own blessings and we all hope for many more.

David

[bjorner3]

Good morning all - has anyone had mets that by-passed going to bone and went right to lungs? I have diffuse fibrous nodule infiltrate in both lungs (recent CT scan) so will now see a pulmonolgist to see exactly what it is and if benign or cancerous. My PSA last July was 0.99 but that was "up" from three months prior (0.44) so I am thinking if I have lung issues due to low PSA it is hopefully benign. Will head on down to Mayo in Rochester, Mn to investigate. I also will search out a medical oncologist there to join my "team". Am still expecting my salvage radiation treatments soon. I know it is possible to jump to lungs without the first usual bone mets but fingers crossed.

David