Hey everyone!I'm a 34 year old female who has never had children of my own. My new partner has his two kids full time and they both have ADHD.
One (7 almost 8 year old) is medicated the other (5 year old) is not.
The medicated one is currently adjusting medication however it's not improving their behavior to the point the un medicated child behaves better.
There is also a lack of sleep for the 7 year old, up most of the night
There has also been incidents of them stealing item from people, anywhere from another child's tooth fairy money to things from their teacher. They have also gotten phone calls home from the school regarding their behavior in class.
We have tried things like time outs and privileges being taken away but it's not helping. If anyone has any insights or advice please reach out we are desperate
Thank you!
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Rspears2024
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Thank you for contacting CHADD National Resource Center on ADHD. Our recommendation would be to get a behavioral evaluation, family therapy, and individual therapy. Here at CHADD, we have a parent course to learn more about ADHD and support groups for parents as well. Here are the links, chadd.org/parent-to-parent/ and chadd.org/affiliate-locator/
Just want to back up the CHADD response and underscore that parent coaching for you and your partner is well worth the investment. Kids with ADHD often do not respond to incentives or time outs they need a whole different approach. In addition to the resources the previous poster listed, ADHDdude.com has some really helpful content and parent support and is not expensive.
To be clear, ADHD is not in any way a result of bad parenting. Rather, kids with ADHD benefit from a very coordinated and supportive form of parenting that takes some work to achieve. I had to learn (way too late) a whole set of skills for my ADHD kid when my sister, who is a lot like me and has a neurotypical step daughter had no issues with her step daughter doing what I would have naturally done. I have heard parents who have neurotypical and ADHD kids say that they have to take a completely different approach the ADHD child. It takes a lot of work, but things do get better for everyone when the parents take time to learn the skills to help the kids.
What you are describing is typical behavior for kids and kids with ADHD. The lying behavior is often a way to provide themselves with autonomy. It’s a concept that might come from knowing they are not able to keep up with social and emotional growth as their non- ADHD peers. This is a brain maturational lag from 2-5 years in social and emotional growth and while the lag is very noticeable in childhood, it tends to level up in adulthood. 25-30yr
Children who just started medication have gained focus. This is not going to translate into non ADHD behavior as instantly as it says it would. It will take some kind repetitions of goals and commands to turn into help for the functional impairments that get worked out over time. ADHD is a chronic lag in this department and is not going to respond to medication in that way. It is however helping I hope in other areas where he can focus for lessons and for sports.
Time outs work with some kids but the most effective way of handling concerning behavior is to have a relationship outside of the framework of their diagnosis and to help them to become good problem solvers. This is for all kids because it is what is very hard to do when a lot of your time might be just in putting out fires.
The method is called Collaborative and Proactive Solutions and the free website is livesinthebalance.org. This is especially good for kids who have inflexibility, difficulty taking perspective and difficulty accepting the will of an adult in them. Does this happen at school? If not this is typical too. They hold it together because at school there is a strong social component and much to lose it the don’t. But when they come home…wow look out they have some decompressing to do. I think in all
After raising my kids, the thing I wished I done a better job at was have a better relationship with them outside of the day in day out. It is not easy to do that when you have ADHD yourself and always feel that you are just keeping your head up over water.
You are probably doing way better than you think and the best advice is to learn all you can about ADHD. You are in the right place.
Thank you so much for sharing. You have come to the right place to brainstorm these ideas. visual charts of positive behaviors is a good idea. Write an expectation, and when they reach a certain number of days, they get a prize. They can put a sticker on the chart each day.
natural consequences are sometimes helpful too, like having to return the item and apologize, or write an apology. However, for kids with adhd, usually negative consequences don’t work as well as positive ones.
Do the kids have IEP’s, 504’s or behavior intervention plans? If not, request for an iep evaluation. Also, if they both have official diagnoses, let the school know. From the time you request the evaluation in writing, there is 60 days until the iep is written. You may not get it for this school year, but they can start the year getting it going.
I work in special education, so feel free to pm me for more information.
You’ve definitely come to the right place for support. In addition to parent and child therapy, which I agree are critical to parenting kids with ADHD, something else to consider is nutrition. Many of the symptoms of ADHD are driven by genetic mutations that reduce the body’s ability to absorb or utilize nutrients. I’m a holistic nutritionist so we’ve taken a nutritional approach with my previously very moody, irritable son (10 yo) and have had a lot of success.
If you’re interested in exploring nutrient supplements for ADHD, there’s a great book called Finally Focused by James Greenblatt, MD. He also has a website with information and resources.
The other big factor for my son was the results of a genetic test through Genomind (it’s just a cheek swab) that indicated that he has a mutation in the gene that converts folate to its active form (methyl-folate). The results include information on many genes and also indicate which medications may or may not work for your child. He takes a methylfolate multivitamin while my 6 yo daughter (who is undiagnosed but def has ADHD) has a liquid multivitamin in addition to Omega-3s, magnesium and probiotics. These have made a noticeable difference for both my kids.
We are excited you have join us on this journey of raising a child with ADHD. We have many answers so keep asking until you are confident.
We were told by a child psychiatrist that the reason medication is such an important tool is that when it is the correct type of medicine, the right dose and it is given right time it should stop up to % 60 of behaviors. This gave me so much hope!!!
More important information:
There are stimulant medication ( Adderall, Ritilin,etc) and non-stimulant ( Initiv- Guafacine). Both work well for kids with ADHD, but work on different symptoms.
Stimulants stop symptoms like pulsive behavior, excessive talkative behavior, etc. They usually do not last in the body the entire day and may need an additional dose. Since they are a controlled medicine you must put in your driver's license when picking up the medication in person can not be mailed to your house
Non-stmulant medications help with focus and mood. This is not controlled and can be mailed to your house.
We started with a stimulant and needed to add a non-stimulant to help with focus and mood.
As far as punishment, I knew what pushed him over the edge and didn't go there. I punished "forward". Gave plenty of warnings and then the next day did not give him that device or privilege.
I also have learned over the years there are things he will have to deal with as an adult ( braces, a clean house, speeding in a car) that I can't help.him with.
If you give him a stimulant you should see within 1 hour. The Non-stimulants take longer.
Hope this answers a lot of your questions. You will also need a child psychiatrist to monitor and change the medication. They can give you advice when you need it.
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