New to ADHD-looking for advice/strategies!

[DailyCoffee]

Hello. I'm new to the community and desperately need advice.

My 12 yo child (nearly 13) was recently diagnosed with ADHD. Before that he was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression. He was even hospitalized a few times before his ADHD diagnosis. His dad was also diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression (due to childhood trauma) just a few years ago. In January, before the ADHD diagnosis, I put my child in online school because he refused to go to class. That's a whole other story. My child and I have been getting along better because I'm trying to give him the space he wants/needs. However, he refuses to clean his room and bring the dirty dishes to the kitchen, but gets angry if we go into his room without his permission. My child is dealing with a lot right now, so I don't know how to get him to put his dishes in the sink without making him feel overwhelmed, causing him to get angry and sometimes aggressive. What has everyone else found to be effective?

[Onthemove1971]

Welcome to the group, we are happy you joined us on this journey on how to parent a child with ADHD. When you have time you could look through previous messages to learn about a number of topics.

Most children with ADHD benefit from: therapy, medication and an 504 plan (even when online). Having all these in place makes life better for everyone in the household.

We have a rule in our house: we only eat at the main table... this avoids a number of things like lying down while eating, leaving dishes all over and leaving dishes in places they are now suppose to be.

One more thing that has helped me a lot. Especially since "traditional" punishment doesn't work. I punish forward and calmly walk away.

I state if x doesn't happen then y will happen. If you do not get off the tablet/phone/computer in 10 min... then tomorrow no electronics for the afternoon. When he doesn't get off the device, I calmly tell me tomorrow there is none. I do not take the device or worry he is not listening. Then I just put them away in the evening. When he asks for them I tell him No, remember you did not get off the device.

This really happens becuase he is not able to control himself with over using the device.

I hope this makes sense and hope you can find a way to manage life.

We are always here for you!

[DailyCoffee in reply to Onthemove1971]

Thank you for your response. My child is refusing therapy but is on medication, and we're working on an IEP. I will try the punish forward technique. It does sound like the key to all this, as usual, is staying calm. My self regulation is getting better, but I still have a lot of work to do.

[Onthemove1971 in reply to DailyCoffee]

Glad you could be helped by my comment. One thing that helped us with therapy is I was in the sessions so I could help him deal with issues he was having. I wonder if you offer that for therapy maybe you can make progress.

Best of luck!

[Mamamichl]

body doubling is a good tactic. If you can, tell him you two are going to set a day each week to do it together. If he’s against it, look into the dubbii app. Then he can do it with someone that isn’t officially there.