Moving with ADHD

[FitsInNoBox]

Any recommendations on how I can support my 12-year-old with a move? He is doing fairly well with the idea overall but has had some periods of strong anxiety over it. He saw his current counselor for the last time today and I know they chatted about it, hoping that helps some. I am worried about him finding friends (he has a great gang of "quirky" kids he hangs out with now), dealing with a new school/new teachers, and his anxiety getting worse with all of the changes. Would love ideas to help him feel as settled as possible.

[Aloysia]

Get him involved in planning all aspects of the move:- how he plans to pack his stuff (how much per day, etc)

- ideas he has for packing household items (kitchen, etc)

- how will he lay out his furniture in his new room?

- how will he decorate his new room? (Allow him to choose some new items for his room too)

- make a plan for his new school (how could he meet some kids before school starts? Could he join a fall rec sports league? Could he start/continue martial arts? Etc. What clubs could he join at school?)

- how to find a few favorite restaurants?

- visit the local library and see if they have activities/tutoring/volunteering there

- when he starts making friends, how would he like to connect with them (gaming, cell phone, hangouts, etc)

- find out what local activities are available (hikes, skateboard park, etc) [search online for "fun things for teens to do in X town"]

- get the local Rec activity guide and see if he's interested in any classes or CIT work

- consider joining Scouts, 4H, etc

- make a plan to keep in touch with his current friends too

I wish you both the best!!!

[FitsInNoBox in reply to Aloysia]

Thank you, this is all helpful!

[BLC89]

Hello FitsInNoBox,It's exciting that you're moving but understandably stressful too. A couple of thoughts:

Can you set up a Zoom play date with his gang of friends? He can show them around the new house and his new room. It would be a touchstone for him. Maybe set up a couple in advance so he has those to look forward to after the move.

If there is any way to get him into the physical school building before school starts that can really reduce anxiety because he will have seen it before, he can find his class room(s) and kind of know his way around.

Even if you don't know his schedule yet he could get a look around. The teachers are around the couple of weeks before school starts you can just go knock on the door and ask to take a peak around.

Keep up any routines that you can, as much as can stay familiar should help reduce, or at least not escalate anxiety.

If kids hang out after school to play make time to do that the first several days of school. If they don't be sure to go to the welcome coffee and meet some parents and arrange a get together with them and their kid just to get the ball rolling for him socially.

Plan on extra emotional support between now and the end of the year. Keep in mind that his executive function is about 30% behind his age. His organizational and emotional regulation gatekeepers are closer to age 8 or 9 years old. So he will need more help in those areas + extra support because of the move.

Last thought, share with him that moving is stressful for everyone, even grown ups, and it's OK to miss the old house and friends. Let him know that because he is wired differently that the move or new school may seem like A LOT sometimes and that's OK. It doesn't mean anything is wrong with him, he just processes differently. You are there for him and will get thru it together.

Second last thought, if he is open to it, teach him that 3 slow breaths are like magic to calm his mind when anxiety creeps in. That can be his secret weapon that he can take with him anywhere. And practice it when you can see the anxiety going up. Use it yourself as a great example of self soothing.

OK, I'll stop now. I wish you an UNeventful move, and all the best for the coming school year.

BLC89

Full disclosure: I am an ADHD Parent Coach. I have been married to ADHD for nearly 30 years and raised two kids who have ADHD.

[FitsInNoBox in reply to BLC89]

This is all great advice, thank you so much! We do have a school visit set up and should even have his schedule in time. Hoping to find activities he loves (or at least tolerates) ASAP. Thanks again!