Private school accommodations

[1099Mom]

My 17 yr old daughter has been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and ADD. She is a junior and up to this point has had exceptional grades (National Honor Society). She has always been anxious about attending school. With Covid, or higher learning in school getting harder, she has basically stopped functioning. No motivation whatsoever. Her psychiatrist suggested PHP, (partial hospitalization program ), a six hour, five days a week, behavioral treatment center for her depression and anxiety. The center notified the school and requested certain accommodations and although the school has made some adjustments, they have not adjusted the workload in each class. They expect her to complete all the assignments, the in class students are given. This is extremely difficult for her since she is already in treatment six hours a day and is exhausted when she gets out. I know that public schools have a guideline and are required by law to meet certain obligations but what are private school’s obligations? The lack of flexibility on her private school’s part, is affecting the efficacy of her treatment and my daughter is more depressed and anxious, than ever.

[Onthemove1971]

So sorry about your daughter, but it sounds like she is on the right track to getting the help she needs. One thing I have learned by having a child with ADHD is they are so unique and their journey can't be compared to anyone else's.

Yes, the public schools would make the accommodations for her. We even have what is called home and hospital instruction for children who can not attend school and they are assigned whatever Specialist and a teacher they need to get an educate but either in the hospital.

I think you kinda answered you own question by saying how inflexible the private school is. But honestly they are a business and can determine what they will allow.

It would be unfair to ask her to try to take on that load while in treatment. Maybe her not having so much to do all the time will help her treatment.

Just know that when children are that bright they will be successful in the future.

Big hug for all the stress and hope things go better for her soon.

[MM814]

This might be a silly question but have you talked to the president (if they have one) or the principal (if they don’t)? I have 3 boys with adhd. All in high school and all went to a Catholic grade school. My oldest attends a public gifted school and my twins a private Catholic school. I have found the private schools MUCH more understanding and willing to work with me. My oldest sounds like your daughter but his decline happened ahead of the pandemic (he is a senior). While the public school is required to do certain things it doesn’t always mean they do it correctly or enough. Too much to get into here but i find the private school to much more empathetic to the needs of the kids. They can’t provide the services but have been incredibly understanding of what the kids are going through. That said, you’d need to talk to the right people as the teachers sometimes can’t make those decisions. I am so sorry you are going through this. My son is having similar issues and remote learning compounds it. I wish you luck

[1099Mom in reply to MM814]

Hi, I have spoken to the principal and to all of her teachers. It is a Christian school but it has been a struggle. It’s hard to believe this is the first time they’ve had to deal with mental health issues for a student. I do think it may be better to stick with the devil we know at this point than to change schools and work with the devil we don’t know this far into the school year. Thank you for your reply. I appreciate it!

[anirush]

My daughter went to a private Catholic high school and I really had to push to get her accommodations, meetings with teachers, administration, counselor, school nurse. It was work but I got her what she needed.

[Redpanda5]

My heart goes out to you! You mentioned a few things I would like to address. (I have a high school daughter - 10th grade, ADHD and social anxiety disorder). I’m going to share with you what I wish someone had shared with me sooner.

1. she has basically stopped functioning. No motivation whatsoever.

I. Hear. You. This is what you want to address first. Think of what would help her from what you know about her. Is her medication dosage right? Is she on the right medication for her? Has her medication stopped working? Is the burden of everything more than she can handle? I would work on trimming down what is required of her in all areas (home / therapy / school) and get the medication figured out.

2. Her psychiatrist suggested PHP, (partial hospitalization program ), a six hour, five days a week, behavioral treatment center for her depression and anxiety.

Getting #1 under control helped my daughter turn down the right road. Unless your daughter is truly at risk for suicide, partial hospitalization can actually be a roadblock and/or a temporary fix. This info is from an anxiety therapist! It is seen as just a way to keep them from hurting themselves - not necessarily to help them get better. Consider what the treatment center’s goal is. For this reason, we never went this route.

My daughter would claim she was going to commit suicide at the height of overwhelm but then the therapist taught me to call her bluff by saying “okay, we need to go to the hospital now,” or “I’ll get your therapist on the phone.” She would completely change her tune then. Her threatening suicide (if she does) may be her way of calling out for help with her depression and anxiety. And of course have everything removed that she could hurt herself with as a precaution.

3. the school has made some adjustments, they have not adjusted the workload in each class. They expect her to complete all the assignments, the in class students are given. It is extremely difficult for her since she is already in treatment six hours a day.

Ask them to do more and see what they say.

My daughter is in public school and has her own personalized reduced workload (a shared Google doc with links to her homework) and modifications at that. She is turning a corner as a result because the world doesn’t look so overwhelming anymore. I also have a private tutor/executive function coach.

For my daughter, moving from a therapist (which felt like an additional thing on her overwhelming to do list) to an empathetic person who understands anxiety and depression who can also help her with academics was a game changer for her. I would look for a SAT prep tutor/executive function coach who also is well educated in anxiety and depression. They exist.

4. I know that public schools have a guideline and are required by law to meet certain obligations but what are private school’s obligations?

This is the reason we didn’t change to private school. They aren’t required by law to help your daughter. A public school will scramble to help her. —-Something to consider if your private school won’t help her or help her well! If their help is begrudging, it won’t work.

I wish you well. Trust your instincts and consider getting some Parent Management Training to build your confidence along the way. This is all very hard. Deep breath. One day at a time. Small steps that lead to the goal. Listen—- really listen to your daughter. Hugs.

[1099Mom in reply to Redpanda5]

This was very helpful! Thank you so much for your time. Great advice!

[ADHD_DAD]

There are a lot of good, supportive responses here, so I will (try to) be brief. Unlike some of the responses above, we have found the private school (not Catholic school, independent private school) far more willing to accommodate my son than the public school we left last year (which is the sole reason we left the public school). At the public school, every request for accommodation was met with an initial denial and while we were always eventually able to get what we needed, 3 live meetings, not to mention numerous calls and emails were usually required to accomplish it. It was always very adversarial (and exhausting). In contrast, while the private school is not technically required to follow the 504 plan, they do, because they want my so to succeed and they want him to stay. In fact, they have added accommodations based upon their own observations (which we will now incorporate into the 504 in case he ever needs to return to the public school) without being asked. Many of the accommodations we had to fight for at the public school are things that they just DO at the private school because they make sense and help my son be at his best. So, my point is that it is more complicated (perhaps nuanced is the better word) than just choosing public vs. private schools. Certainly, not all private schools are equal and unfortunately, neither are all public schools. We built a house in the district so that my son could attend this public school. However, for him (and us) it was a nightmare and the private school has been a dream come true (we keep waiting for the "other shoe to drop," but it never has). So, I do not believe that transferring to public school is reasonably calculated to bring about the result you seek. My advice would be to work with the private school or switch to another one. Best of luck to you.

[Maryca1974]

Public school educator here, but we chose to send my son (with adhd and anxiety)to private school . Public school became to stressful for him in middle school and although they offered us an iep, accommodations, just the setting stressful to him. So we transferred him to a small Christian school. That (with meds and counseling) helped with getting the panic attacks down so he could attend, but it’s always been up to me to help him keep up with schoolwork and assignments. I wouldn't pressure her to do any work during partial hospitalization- ask for extra time and tackle it after.. What’s the worst that could happen- she takes a few classes over the summer to catch up? I still think that’s better than a full shutdown that could require a long term hospital stay