Thank you and farewell

[ADHD_DAD]

What attracted me to this community was its helpful and supportive environment and the constant reassurance that we are not alone on this, too often, lonely path. I have enjoyed sharing experiences with those of you who have found success with the traditional "three legged stool" approach to management of ADHD with medications, support at home and accommodations at school. I have welcomed and remained open to the thoughts of those who have branched out into alternative treatments like vitamins (micro nutrients) and diet when traditional treatments didn't work for their child or they resulted in intolerable side effects. After all, wouldn't all of us opt for non-traditional treatments for a child with cancer once we had exhausted medical options? We are all just doing the best we can.

However, in days of late, I feel posts taking a turn toward cruelty, from suggestions that CHADD is a puppet of the pharmaceutical industry to recent suggestions, despite the absence of proof of causality, that those of us following the advice of our doctors and experts and medicating our children are actually causing them harm. I have even seen posts suggesting that our efforts to ensure that our children are provided with the best opportunity to be successful at school are causing them harm. What I know from monitoring postings here is that parents (particularly the moms) feel enough guilt over the decisions they are making or not making without the suggestion by members of this community that they are harming their children.

If I were interested in the myopic rantings and negativity of anti med, anti vax, flat Earthers, I could find plenty of content throughout the web and in other forms of social media. That is not why I joined this community.

With that, I would like to thank those of you who generously shared your experiences and advice and I sincerely hope that my postings have helped illuminate the path for those of you struggling to navigate the process of obtaining accommodations for your child at school. I wish you all and your wonderful, unique, quirky children well. Our children are in the great company of Thomas Edison, Leonardo Da Vinci, Albert Einstein, The Wright Brothers and Michael Phelps, all of whom had (or were thought to have had) ADHD. Never stop advocating for your children! you are their super hero! Farewell and Good luck!!

[dubstepMaul]

Hiya ADHD_DAD, aww please don't leave... Don't let a few rotten eggs chase you away. There are so many more - the majority of us, who can benefit from your presence and posts.

[Pennywink]

I’m sorry to see you go! I have always found your perspective and insights extremely helpful.

I haven’t been around much as of late to know what posts you refer to, but having been on this forum for some time, these things do seem to happen in waves. So perhaps check us out again once things settle back down. 😊

[ThatCat]

I’ve heard it all, too. In spades. In triplicate. But here is what gets me through: there is more than one type of harm. Even responsible, considered medicating carries risks. But so does allowing a kid to be profoundly damaged by constant negativity and failure. I went through life undiagnosed and have wound up in a very arid place. There is more than one kind of harm.

We have to take the beating. That is our job. To bear it. All of it. The doubt. The guilt. The fear. The criticism. The future: a freight train barreling down the tracks toward us, no matter what we do.

I can’t say: don’t listen. My neurology makes *that* impossible, God knows. The naysayers? Stare them down. Don’t respond, but don’t retreat. The louder they scream, they more I doubt they know what they are talking about. Passion isn’t proof.

We are doing our best. No guarantees. No surrender.

Please stay. Let’s show each other compassion. I understand intentions and mistakes. Many people do. We are your companions.

[Beainthenow11 in reply to ThatCat]

I think you make an excellent point. I understand if the OG poster wants to leave bc after all we are all here for a specific reason and he may not be getting his needs met. I would suggest to him that he look on FB, there are other groups that may be monitored more intently where his needs are able to be met, some of which I am a part of & have found great comfort in commiserating with when I needed someone.

I think though that you ThatCat make a great point. Wherever we go, there are going to be “non believers” and “Mean girls/boys” who think they’ve got it all figured out, that ADHD is a GIFT (eye roll) ! The thing is though, we need those of us who are educated and dedicated in helping and advocating for our kids to remain in the spotlight and never ever turn that beam of light into controlled studies, scientific irrefutable evidence regarding ADHD, off, ever! Especially THE DAD’s! We, those of us who have suffered and continue to suffer along side our children who are plagued with ADHD, this A typicality only neurological function to be loud, to question both the naysayers & the science bc we are their protector’s we are the only thing standing behind- often times in front of our children and those who wittingly or unknowingly cause them even more harm with their idiotic anonymity and judgmental beliefs and ideas. We need DAD’s most especially bc of the familial dynamic we inevitably find ourselves in, most of all.

I ask that you stay ADHD DAD, for other kids and the parents who need our stories and experience to show them our light during some of their darkest days and I promise that if you do, and you find your family’s road curving towards a dark battle up a hill, I’ll be here to champion you on & remind you that being a special needs parent is never a group you want to join but once you do, you know that you will never be all alone again. You will always have a community to turn to, or if you do in fact leave, please know you always have a home to come back to as well. Again, I am a member of several groups on FB ADHD DAD and I welcome you to join. We need ya!

[Nats2005]

I haven't run into any abusive or derogatory posts, but would note such posts could be considered against the guidelines (which I found in a pinned post to the right side of my browser screen) and reported to the moderators.

I will note there was one webinar I attended based I *think* on a CHADD newsletter where if you followed the links provided by the speaker you ended up on a page promoting a particular medication. I was annoyed by that, but having been involved in developing educational programs for other organizations things like that are often more the fault of the speaker for misusing the opportunity and playing fast and loose with the rules of the organization sponsoring the webinar than the organization itself.

[Jackieedunn]

Thank you for being such an intelligent voice of reason for so many of the ignorant, and I say this ironically, “impulsive” individuals who fail to stop and think before posting.

[Alliea79]

There are always a few that ruin for the whole. I equate it to the people who don’t clean up their dog’s cr@p while places, so then a ban is made so no one can bring their dogs those places. And my dog is my sanity so I get mad.

Well, THAT rant over..... But super—— a few that leave cr@p are making it so that the good is gone too (a dads perspective?!? I have really grown and learned from you!!!!).

ADHD_DAD, I have enjoyed and appreciated your contribution and wish well ahead... we all need it!!

[StressedmomwADHDboy]

Very well said!!. Thanks!!