How do we do it....: Hello, I was... - CHADD's ADHD Pare...

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How do we do it....

Blessedmamaof3 profile image
13 Replies

Hello,

I was wondering how many people are the only one in their home that doesn't have ADHD. I would also love to hear ways that you handle not taking things personally and to heart. Ways that you take time for yourself, and if there is just anything that you think will help... Thank you to everyone and Hugs.

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Blessedmamaof3 profile image
Blessedmamaof3
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13 Replies
MomofOne13 profile image
MomofOne13

I'm right there with you! My husband and son both have ADHD, and I usually handle it well, except when there immediate needs go in different directions (I tend to get a bit paralyzed when I have to choose who to 'handle' at the moment). So far my best defense is getting out of the house to exercise classes twice a week. I'm not very good at self-care, but I do know that I'm no help to anyone if I lose my sanity or make myself ill. Best wishes!

Blessedmamaof3 profile image
Blessedmamaof3 in reply toMomofOne13

Thank you for responding, it is not easy and I try hard to find time for myself. I know that I am not good to anyone if I am not taking care of myself but I have trouble walking away. Best wishes to you also.

ElectraCh profile image
ElectraCh

I don't know that I have any solutions, just wanted to say I hear you! My son has ADD (just diagnosed a couple of months ago) and I suspect my husband does too, not that he'd ever get tested or admit it. It's really tough sometimes but at least we're not alone--would love to hear what others with more experience think.

Blessedmamaof3 profile image
Blessedmamaof3 in reply toElectraCh

Thank you for posting, I am hoping that this post will help more people that are in a house where they are the only ones in their home without ADD or ADHD. I wish you luck on your journey and hope that you can find some insight.

WendyD1969 profile image
WendyD1969

I am with you. My husband and my son are clones in every sense including ADHD! I am not the best at self-care and really haven't found coping techniques. Lol. I would love to hear how others deal with it!

Blessedmamaof3 profile image
Blessedmamaof3 in reply toWendyD1969

Thank you for posting, I thought this post would help with ways of dealing with thing.

eeyore13 profile image
eeyore13

My husband and twin sons have ADHD. I have found that reading the latest on websites like additudemag.org and chadd.org, listening to podcasts from Dr. Ed Hallowell, and being part of this commuity are very helpful. For my marriage I really like the website adhdmarriage.com; it has a very good blog and a very active community as well.

We required our boys to do various chores, starting at age 2, using picture charts and then just chores listed by day so that now they can do just about everything except laundry and mending which we are working on currently. This helps tremendously although not perfect especially when my husband spends so much time on the screens and expects more from the kids than he is doing. However, I am fortunate that when I calmly point this out he does make an effort to be the parent.

My coping skills are constantly evolving, just as I am. Right now I find it helpful to exercise, nothing fancy just a walk around the neighborhood or even a workout video, make sure I am drinking enough water, watching what I eat and attempting to get enough sleep. I am starting to do a Bullet Journal to track all of this and trying to get my kids (they are 15) to track their own meds, exercise, diet, time, etc. so that hopefully they will do well when they leave home.

I hope some of this helps. It is a long journey and you are not alone!

Blessedmamaof3 profile image
Blessedmamaof3 in reply toeeyore13

Thank you for posting and giving some insight. I will have to check out the other pages you posted.

ElectraCh profile image
ElectraCh

I also find that exercise clears my mind--I schedule Pilates classes twice a week so then I have to go, I can't put it off for some other concern.

Do you guys find that when your family members want something from you, they want it NOW? My husband recently got impatient with me doing one of my own tasks before finding the toothpicks for him (and the toothpicks were in the same place they always are). Anybody found good strategies for getting others to wait until you get your turn sometimes?

Blessedmamaof3 profile image
Blessedmamaof3 in reply toElectraCh

I find that in our house I am never supposed to do anything for myself because everyone thinks it should be all about them and anytime I say something about me doing something then I am told it isn't all about you. I have not found away to handle any of this. I try to do allot of thing for myself and it seems like it never happens because they have something come up. I plan things for us to do and I make sure it works.

ElectraCh profile image
ElectraCh in reply toBlessedmamaof3

Oh my gosh that's super-frustrating! Keep trying, it's important. I wonder if you could start really small, like "for five minutes mommy is drinking tea" or whatever. Then slowly ratchet up the time amount? Good luck!

ElectraCh profile image
ElectraCh

I've also instituted a weekly "Movie Night" when my son and I order takeout and veg out on the couch. He always gets excited about it, but it's really for me--one night a week where I cut out of work a tad early, don't cook, just relax.

Faithinlove423 profile image
Faithinlove423

Golly! I feel for you. I’ve heard all the advice of self care and make time for myself, but it’s difficult. I find myself taking on the role of being a parent and a boss and a mediator and sometimes even a referee. For someone who doesn’t have any extra time between all that and work, I literally squeeze in tiny bits of sanity where I can. I stay up a little later, and watch my favorite show under the blankets. I take slightly longer showers with my favorite scents. I get up a few minutes early, sit on my deck and drink my coffee in silence. I read everything I can, when I think about it. I don’t get out of the car right away so I can wind down before encountering the chaos. Good luck mama! You got this!

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