Hello! I am reaching out wondering if any parents can share their insights and experiences of toddlers with ADHD. ADHD runs in my family. I have the inattentive type (though was hyperactive in elementary school), and my mom has both the inattentive and hyperactive component. We have both had official diagnoses, but my three year old son has not. I am at the point now that I want to get him evaluated. I’ve read that there cannot be an official diagnosis until age 4, but has anyone else had their kids diagnosed before that?
This is tough to talk about, but my son is on the verge of getting kicked out of his third daycare. He has had issues with being hyperactive, not listening, and the biggest reason he keeps getting asked to leave: aggression. He can be the absolute sweetest kid in the world. He is very social and likes making friends, and I have observed these friends excited to see him when he gets to school and just seem to enjoy playing with him. But then my son can do some not so friendly things. Some of his infamous incident reports include running across the room to take another child’s toy out of their hand, pushing a kid over while racing to the playground, stepping on a girl’s stomach while she was sleeping during nap time, slapping a teacher when she tried talking to him about being nice, and so many other things.
The strange thing is that many of his “incidents” seem unprovoked. Like he’ll go push another child for no reason, run around knocking over other kids LEGO’s, or start shouting during nap time. They say he has so much energy (which we already knew), and cannot sit still. He also likes to be the center of attention and I think some of these things may happen when he feels he’s not getting attention at that moment. He can also go a few days without a report, and then in one day he can have three. So right now I just don’t know what to do anymore. I never had these behavioral issues, although I know my elementary school teachers would make comments to my mother about my energy level.
I can’t say 100% it is ADHD yet, but a lot of his behaviors mirror my research on toddlers with ADHD. Have any other parents had similar experiences with daycare/preschool? If so, how did you handle it and what helped your child to succeed? I’m not looking to medicate him, but looking for anything else to help him.
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Our son was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 6 - first grade, but in hindsight, he has obviously struggled since his daycare days. He was constantly getting into trouble in daycare, but the teachers would distract him, or give him tasks to do and help manage him. No one described him as aggressive, but looking back, he was impulsive. He would act out physically to someone taking a toy without thinking first. He was always remorseful when it happened, and knew it was wrong, but he just couldn't control himself. We got through Kindergarten okay, but again, we had a teacher who would give our son things to help with in the classroom to keep him busy and her classroom management skills of 5 year olds was the best I've ever seen.
When he got to first grade, his teacher started sending us a daily list of all the things our son did wrong that day. I initially was upset with the teacher, but she probably did us a favor, because we finally recognized the problem for what it was. He wasn't going to grow out of it. It wasn't just a phase. His impulsiveness was increasing and he was starting to not like school.
We went to our pediatrician, who recommended trying medication and said we should consider doing a full neuropsych work up. We've done both. He has the mixed form of ADHD with "adjustment disorder", which the doctor said was early ODD. We started Parent Child Interactive Therapy last week
The signs were there for us earlier, but I'm not sure how much our path would have changed had we known. Our children are adopted, and neither myself nor my husband have experience with ADHD. I think we needed to see how it impacted him in school before we would have ever considered medication or weekly therapy. I wish we had started the PCIT sooner, but we think it will still be helpful with him and his sister, who's a year younger and also has ADHD, but not the ODD.
You certainly have more insight, having seen it first hand. I think starting to discuss with a doctor isn't a bad idea. I think medication is considered now as early as age 4.
Thank you for sharing your experience! How has the therapy been going? I hope he gets that same kind of great kindergarten teacher. We’ve had a mix of daycare teachers. I’ve noticed he does well with the older teachers. He’s had two teachers that are both in their 60’s, and they seem to have a calming presence and know how to make him a special helper because he likes to feel important. He’s had less incidents with them. On the other side, we’ve had some very young teachers and some have been great, but there have definitely been those that I feel like have just been annoyed and labeled him. I just don’t want him to think of himself as the “bad” kid. I never thought I’d have to worry about that as a parent.
As an early childhood educator, we had children assessed as early as 2 when there were behavioral issues in the classrooms. I am not sure about assessment medically but definitely check into that.
Perhaps your area has an early childhood assessment available like ours. Contact your local education district office. Your description is an impulse control issue. It can go hand in hand with ADHD, but not always. There needs to be an assessment and consider some behavior therapy if that is an option. I am sorry you are struggling. It is so hard when we love our littles, are doing our best, and we just don't understand.
I love what you have said to this mom. I was going to suggest that she look at the school districts intervention program and if he qualifies he could go to a school preschool. Most of these programs have staff that understand children, especially children with behavior/attention issues. Getting intervention early can really make a difference.
I have twin boys who were struggling at the age of three with behavior, impulsivity and social interactions. I had them assessed through our early intervention program and they qualified for services in the areas of social/emotional and adaptive. The evaluation mostly consisted of questionnaires that you and the daycare providers fill out. I also had them evaluated medically and on the DSM O-5 they were diagnosed with sensory seeking stimulation disorder and generalized anxiety. All of that helped them get support at home and at school. They just started Kindergarten this year and have been officially diagnosed with ADHD. They are doing well in school and have a positive self image. All of this to tell you that help is out there at any age regardless of the diagnosis. Your son is full of potential and will thrive with the right supports in the right setting. Best of luck on this journey.
I would definitely bring it up with your pediatrician. Even if they feel it is too soon to diagnosis, at least it’ll be something to keep an eye out for & monitor any progression.
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