ADHD and Smartphone

[Wendyloree]

Our 13yr old daughter will not put her smartphone down. She plays games on it non stop and shows interest in things around her. She is on vacation, without us her parents. It upsets us because she is staying with family and they want to take her out sight seeing and the beach. She shows little interest except for the phone. She had ADHD and says the phone is a stress reliever. Any suggestions to help thru this time?

[Donnita67]

We got custody of three of our grandchildren a year ago and the oldest, Sean age 10, is the same way with video games. I've never delt with adhd so I'm learning. I'm at a loss with the games. He can think of nothing else.

[vickimad]

I have a 13 year old without adhd who does exactly the same, set rules and stick to them

[Mamab3]

My 13 year old daughter with ADHD is obsessed with her phone also. We've tried to set time limits on usage and apps and she became more engaged with the family, which we loved. Then we gave her back more privileges and time because this is her social life. She has difficulty with making and keeping friend so we felt this was another way for her to stay social. It's all trial and error.

[Pajamasam36]

We have a 14 year old with ADHD/ODD, Anxiety disorder and Tourette.

BOUNDARIES are VITAL! We got a device that has been a God send. Disney circle. It controls screen time for me. It is a little bit of an investment at 99 dollars but it is worth every penny! It sets time limits a drewards, bedtimes and filters our explicit websites! Our son is so impulsive. He struggles with viewing porn. Now I know many people are accepting if porn but we are NOT! We have Studdies extensively why it does to your brain and how it objectifys women.

Disney circle filters out all inappropriate websites. Ilene can even customize our filters to exclude specific websites . Now my son can use Xbox and his other gaming system without me being afraid of what he is viewing! It shows me a history of where he has been in the internet. I set time limits and boundaries with Disney circle. For example I can pause any game he is playing at any time with just one click in my Disney circle app. I can turn off the internet while I am away from home and pause my sons games if I find he didn’t do what was required before he started playing. I am now in control of screen time instead of my son. I now use it to motivate him to do his math , keyboarding and piano. I LOVE DISNEY CIRCLE!!!

It has brought needed quality and control back Into my relationship with my son. I have to stay firm on screen time limits. Sometimes he gets more based on how well he followed our requirements to live in our house. I hope this helps.

My son struggles making friends as well and his birth mom has ADHD:ODD and Tourette. She said her greatest down fall was no friends. We keep our son VERY BUSY for this reason. We have him in as many sports as he will take. He wakes for track at 7 M-F and plays baseball. We keep him as active as we can with physical fitness. We also require him to be tutored in math as a screen time privilege he has to go to Mathnasium 3 days a week for an hour. I could say so much more but this is gettin way to long. Sorry about that. Best of luck and please set firm screen time boundaries and follow through! It works for us!

[Mateo00 in reply to Pajamasam36]

Hello how are you ? I was looking in the App Store for this app Disney circle

Where do you get it ? Sound like something I need

[Wendyloree in reply to Mateo00]

I am going to look into that App our daughter is 13yrs. Thank you!

[Pajamasam36 in reply to Mateo00]

If you don’t buy the Disney circle device the app doesn’t work! We bought our Disney circle device on amazon but I am sure you can go directly to their web site Disneycircle.com and buy it there.

[Wendyloree in reply to Pajamasam36]

Wow you are dealing with a lot! Blessing to you and your strength. That is one thing we do is keep her busy but since she is out of care and staying with family they are keeping her as busy as they can. We are looking are physical activities for her when she is back in town so she will be too tired to be on her phone. Thank you again!

[anirush]

They call it hyperfocusing. If there is something ADHD kids really like that's all they can think about.

We let them have unlimited time on their phones or game systems as long as they keep their grades up and participate in extracurricular activities or family time activities.

[Wendyloree in reply to anirush]

That sound like a good tip and that is what we do during the school but during the summer we tend to let things slip. Thank you

[LL_Mom]

I recently spent time with my 13-year old niece who has never been diagnosed with ADHD or anything else as far as I know. Her cell phone usage is OUT OF CONTROL. She stayed out my house for a week. And both my mom and I were constantly telling her to put her phone away. It was a terrible visit because she never wanted to talk with my kids because she was so busy on her phone. It was heartbreaking to see how "addicted" she was to the cell phone. I have two kids, a 13-year old daughter that was diagnosed with ADD and a 7-year old son that has some behavioral challenges. My daughter has a cell phone, which she has "overused" but not to the extent of my niece. My son is a super grouch if we limit his video game usage, and he doesn't like playing regular games because hes' been so captivated with video games.

I put my foot down, and my husband backed my up. We have decided, "enough is enough". We took the games away....Yes, took them away completely during the week. We also do not allow our kids to watch TV or computer screens during the week. We never really let them watch before school, but now they may be able to watch on 30 minute show in on TV in the evening if there's not time. But my son is no longer allowed to watch YouTube toy reveal videos! They can use their games for a total of two hours each day on Friday after school; 2 hours on Saturday; and 2 hours on Sunday prior to 5pm.

We got Verizon Smart Family for our daughter's cell phone and have shut down all social media and she cannot access the internet. She has a phone to get in touch with her friends via text, but NO more Snap Chat, Kicks, and whatever other apps she was using.

We told our kids that we decided to lock down the devices because we love them. It's not a punishment, but rather, we want them to develop interests, and creative thinking, and we want them to have a happier childhood. My son protested and said, "Well you had Atari when you were a kid!" To that I replied, yes, but I had to walk to an arcade and put a quarter into a machine. I didn't have free access to screens morning, noon and night! I paid for an hour once or twice a month! My son was speechless and pretty much dropped the subject. Then asked me if he could get a hamster, and I said, YES! That is very much a kid thing to do... You may have a hamster, and I want you and your sister to work together to write a report about hamsters and how to take care of them before we get one... They are able to use the computer in our livingroom for school work (and research reports about hamsters)!

The bottom line is that there is less stress in my house when when my kids are away from the devices. They also DO NOT ASK for them anymore. My son has accepted our decision and is playing with toys again; imagine that, he's playing with regular old toys that don't need to be plugged in. I also told my son that he MAY NOT go over to his friends homes and start playing games there (unless it's for a little bit on the weekend). He knows the rules, and honestly, he is spending way more time outside with his bike, the other kids, and the swing in our backyard. Even my daughter uses the swing and she goes outside more as well. She has her art (she draws) and she dances 3 days weekly. I also make sure that she gets time with nice kids her age (we homeschool her), and these activities seem to be enough for now. We are all happier without the gadgets. And I was surprised at how quickly my kids adapted to not having free access.

[Wendyloree in reply to LL_Mom]

Thank you so very much and keeping her BUSY it the thing to do.

[Gretchenedwards]

Same. We have a 13 year old daughter who lives on her phone. She’s ADHD and hyper social. The only thing that works for us is a firm set of expectations and a requirement to plug it in and stop using it by 8 pm. (That rule often gets stretched to 9 , later on weekends). We also don’t allow phones at meals and make our kids put them away when we see the need. ( family is visiting, we are hiking, etc. ) I s it possible for your family to sit her down and set some expectations with her? It’s hard to turn around mid trip but maybe before the next one they can negotiate an agreement with her before leaving?? 🤗

[Wendyloree in reply to Gretchenedwards]

Thank you so much. Like you, no phones during meal time and that is one thing we do, we eat supper as a family every night. During family time/activities no phone either. I know we all tend to backslide during summer break. We do tell her what is expected and as long as the lines of communication are open on both sides we can find a common ground.

[virgo02]

Do your kids all have friends who play with them everyday, one to maybe 3 times a week? If they don't then that could be another reason why they are glued to the phone. My son has ADHD and the kids at school or around our block won't play with him. It's sad and he's always lonely. The games help take his mind off those things.

[EJsMom in reply to virgo02]

When my son was younger, he’s 13 now, almost 14, he did not have a lot of friends. As he’s gotten older he has been able to become more social.

And yes, those games were something that made him happy and gave him an outlet.

[EJsMom]

I believe you have to do what works best for the child and family. No one can say how much screen time is the right exact amount.

I know some parents I know who say as long as all homework and chores are done first, their kids can have unlimited screen time.

I do not regulate my sons phone or game or computer time. And honestly he gets bored of them on his own. For example; he hasn’t played his game system for a couple months now.

He was on a chess online obsession for awhile and now that has stopped.

He keeps in touch with friends via phone and watches YouTube but also gets bored of those and takes a walk outside a couple times a week.

It’s so hard to know the right thing to do. I’m still trying to figure out if I’m helping or hurting.

[wendyks]

My 13 yo is pretty obsessed and it fits her attention tendencies- lots of things going on at the same time, short bursts of info, videos, games to fill time, and of course social media. Limits have made all the difference in my house. She engages more and is her charming self with phone limits. We take it away at 7:30 in school nights (bedtime is 9-9:30), do 2 hours of phone free time each weekend day, and of course no phone at the dinner table, out to eat, or if we’re visiting with family.

[Mamab3]

We use Qustodio parental control app. It allows me to monitor and set limits yet we don't use it much for her. If I set time limits or turn off apps she becomes a nightmare depression and outbursts. My husband has always struggled with disciplining the kids. So its mainly me that has to think of the punishment and enforce it. Also I have been told by several professionals to pick my battles. Since we are just trying to get through the school year I put her screen time on the back burner. We will revisit it during the summer and before school starts for sure.