Both of my teen boys (18 & 14) have ADHD and I"m at a lost how to proceed and feel like I'm like I'm too late for one and running out of the time for the other . I'm consider going the medication route for both but I'm so worried about the side effects. Partly because I have ADHD myself and have tried medication for so many years and have yet to get the "magic" pill and the side effects I had to dealt with. I'm really worried about side effects particularly for my 14 year old being so young still.
Both my kids don't have any hyperactivity but lack focus and motivation especially academically. The 18 year is old very intelligent (always be placed in AP classes) but did very poorly academically the 4 years of HS.
My 14 year old, I've noticed his interest in school getting worse year-over-year. He is very disorganized (like myself) and he would pretty much zone out during class, doesn't do his homework, and now he's getting mostly D's and F's. He just says he can't get himself to do the school work because it's so boring and uninteresting. As the years gone by, it started with just one class mostly notable reading comprehensive classes and it seems to have extended to just about all classes. But yet he can be super concentrated and excited to online video games. He would lie to me so I can get off his backs and that's his actual words.
I've been considering doing neurofeedback but really worried the effectiveness and cost. I feel like I'm running out of time and really worried about their future. It's been such a struggle for me and I feeling like I'm totally exhausted. I've tried all their nice talks, yelling, threats, and take aways, etc.
I really want some advice as I'm so scared, frustrated, and worried. It seems like I reservations no matter which path to take but I really want my kids to get treated.
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Sklim1
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Hello, please trust me, I was in exact situation . I saw my son doing worst and worst in school, struggling with friendships ( even though he is very social ), getting constant punishments, etc. I consider meny things just to help him and solve the problem.
Last fall , with an ache in my heart, I decided to diagnose him and try medication. I did it not for me and not for school. I made that decision because I believe he deserves better . He loves to hear he got a good day, there is less yelling, less stress and more fun to be around him.
Please remember, you can always stop the medication, but you should allow your boys to see if they like the medication .
For me, it took me a few years of trial and error before I could settled on one that had less side effects. I had insomnia, ups and downs, heart pounding. I think I’m also worried he may not consistently take his medication if there’s side effects he may not like.
Do like we are. Finding a good psychiatrist that he can connect with, finding the correct meds and dosage and then seeing how things go. If not they will finally opt out and give up that’s when they will turn to drugs or alcohol. Never give up.
He does have a clinical psychologist and he can’t prescribe medication. Still trying to find a psychiatrist and this has been a struggle. It seems like months to get an appointment!
I know several parents who tried neurofeedback for their kids without success. One parent is a doctor who treats kids with ADHD. Some saw a very, very short term gain that was not sustainable.
Mind you this is strictly my opinion, but, do not waste your time and money on neurofeedback.
Start your children on mild doses of medication and work your way up slowly until you start to see manageable results.
We were desperate. We spent thousands on neurofeedback with our son and saw no difference.
Come to find out we were OVER MEDICATING him. He is now happy and doing ok once we got the med situation figured out. It was a nightmare getting there. Things are not perfect. But the situation and his focus is now manageable.
Ha! Same here. My sons dosage was too high ( even though it was still low) 10mg of Methophenidate long release is too much, but 5mg plus 2.5mg Abilify , so far works ok.
I tried neirofeedback with my son when he was in second grade. Unfortunately it did not have any positive results for him. Then I broke down and tried the meds. It was the best thing I ever did for him. He still has struggles and had been to counseling in the past but now he is in 7th grade and doing very well. I give him melatonin at night and he has been on concerta 27mg. Best of luck.
Please put both your boys on medication. This is the only way your 14 year old is going to get through high school. There are many options for ADHD meds now and although there are side effects, they are not permanent and almost everyone adapts. Stop talking - they don't listen! Stop the punishment - it doesn't work. ADHD medication is no different than medications for diabetes or hypertension - would you deny your kids meds if one of them diabetes? One of the reasons that ADHD has not been fully recognized as a neurological disorder by many is that parents continue to deny that it really needs medical intervention. This is a real disorder and your sons deserve real treatment. Nothing else works as well, especially for teens.
Oh my god, yes. I'm so exhausted from all the 'talks'. I'm literally going insane with all the empty promises. So good to hear from others that go through the same situation. I'm not the only unlucky one after all. By the way, my 18 year seems to be always angry and tardies literally EVERYDAY for school by a few minutes. ONLY A FEW MINUTES, which drive me crazy. It's like it's my job to go to school. Unbelievable.
Remember - your 18 year old may just want to defy you deliberately.....my son did this for years and I still see it occasionally - the defiance just because he can. Our son was also so angry for a long time and could never tell us why....to us, he had to perfect life. But he did hate school and we did punish for tardies, failing grades, etc. Put him on meds, if he will take them, and see what happens. Junior college is the way to go if he's going. My son is almost 24 and is finally back in jr college full time, but it's taken him years to get to this point.
I'm not being insensitive, but think of your boys like dogs - tell them what you want, very clearly and keep it short!! Otherwise, they hear "blah blah blah"!!
After my son was diagnosed I tried all natural way ( Neuroffedback / natural supplement) but at school , his impulse control was getting him in so much trouble . One day he come to me to ask « mom am I a bad kid « it broke my heart , I saw his sadness . I decided to try the meds and I’m so GLAD I did . He is a changed kid . He takes 10 mg of Ritalin and it’s working for him . I also have ADHD and I was diagnosed at 27 . I wish I would have take meds in my teens because school was a nightmare . You got to give your kids a chance . They deserve to feel good about themselves.
Reaction to medication is individual. Your reaction to medication is completely understandable but your kids might react differently. Give it a chance. Best of luck.
Please give medication a chance. We were so reluctant to put our 8 yr old on it but so glad we finally did. It has made a world of difference for him. The more I research and hear from other parents, medication really is an integral part of treating ADHD. Watching a presentation on Youtube by Dr Russell Barkley really changed some of my views on ADHD. I highly recommend you check him out. Good luck!
WOW. Dr. Russell Barkely's video was very informative and it's especially nice it was directed to parental concerns. I think what created a lot of anxiety for me was that fact I didn't have all the facts about the ADHD and I was doing a lot of guessing on my own. Thank you!!
Hello, believe me you are not alone. My son is 15 in grade 9. He loves, loves, loves his video games. He can play them for 24 hours straight. But school work. nope. His marks have been dropping over the years. He says school is boring. About 2 months ago we caved and turned to the medication route after constant battles with him and the school calling every day due to his behavior in class...being disruptive, not listening ect ect. He started on 18 mg of concerta and is now on 27 mg of concerta. We have seen huge improvement with his concentration in and out of school. His grades have slowly started to improve and I'm only receiving an e-mail from the school maybe once every two weeks. We are currently getting his genetic testing done to match his genes to the medication so he won't have the side effects. Or I have read that it is suppose to help and be more effective in the end. I went through a company called Biogeniq. We are from Canada. Although he has been pretty good on Concerta. the first two days on the 27 mg he said he felt agitated and emotional but after a week it passed. He is still eating alot and I have not seen any other side effects. Maybe the results will come back stating concerta is the best drug for him. anyways good luck with you decision. I know I struggled for years and was completely against medication. Now I wish I would have done this years ago...
Just a quick thanks to all those that replied. I do now feel more empowered and looking to address ADHD with better knowledge and willpower.
As a parent who was diagnosed with Depression (in my early 30's then ADHD (in my late 30's and 40's) and now discovering my boys are suffering the same fate, I was extremely scared, helpless, and confused.
One thing is suffering this on my own but it's an entirely different world when you see your kids go through it. What made it hard for me was that, if you're already sick, how do you go about helping others with the same illness? That is what I'm currently going through. I'm the breadwinner and everything is on my shoulder and I just didn't know how to do it no more. I can't afford to be non-functional and sick.
I can truly say stumbling on this site has already made a difference for me. I've always knew there are support sites our there but you often don't always get the help you're looking for.
In answering my own question from watching Dr. Barkley's VERY INFORMATIVE video:
"Medication is the most effective thing we have. In the past, we tried non-medication first then try medicating later. We now wished we had done medication FIRST."
I'm now convinced this is not just cliche' but after was his whole video, I now truly understand what the illness is.
I now feel much less concern on the medication path. I feel like that it may not be an easy path but I know it's right path to take and not lose any more time for my kids (and myself).
Final note: Dr. Barley's video is highly recommended on many posts and now I now why. I can personally attest everything he said in his video was accurate in my struggles. It was almost scary to see how accurate he was in the explanation of the illness. It gave me a lot of hopes in understanding my own and my kids' ADHD.
Thanks again to GoDukes for sharing this. I may not have picked it up on other posts.
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