What Does Happy Mean?

[lara1953]

Hi Everyone

Feeling very down at the moment.

I'm sure everyone here can relate to the following:

Woke up yesterday morning and felt happy. Happy that I'd slept for more than 4 hours, happy that I didn't feel sick, happy that I didn't have as much pain, happy that I was able to eat. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks, this is what most people do on a daily basis and don't even think about it because that's normal life. I used to be happy about going out shopping and nights out with my friends, going on holiday (I should be in Turkey at the moment but had to cancel it). I took all this for granted and it's made me realise how much my life has changed since March this year. I have not been able to leave the house for over 2 months. I can't get in and out of cars and can only walk for about 2 minutes. I bought an electric wheelchair but can't use it as my doors are so narrow and the front door has 2 steps. I've been out in it once with the help of one of my friends and my next door neighbour. Don't know whether it was related but the next day I was rushed to hospital with a very nasty tummy bug and was on IV fluids for 2 days!

Anyway, that's my self indulgence out of the way. I know I should look at the positives. I have applied for sheltered housing with wheelchair access and should hear from them within the next 4 weeks. It would also mean that I could get into work a couple of days a week. They have been brilliant, letting me work from home, but I miss seeing my colleagues and all the workplace banter. I feel a bit isolated working on my own at home. Had a rheumatology appointment 2 weeks ago and at last someone is going to look into what is causing the pain (I have so many different things wrong with my back that could be causing it).

I know that this is only a blip and that I will be able to get up in the morning and take my smile out of the wardrobe and get on with it. I actually said out loud to myself this morning ''for God's sake get over yourself, there's people worse off than you''

xxx