So all of this happened last monday. For a while, I have been on a downhill slope so to speak.
I have been solving one issue after another, never really giving up, and adapting. But I got to breaking point I guess. I didn't sleep much on Sunday, in all honesty i can't remember last time i had full night sleep. I had a dispute with one of my friends on saturday, she told me i became intolerable, that she don't want to be around me on her own coz i'm putting a lot of pressure on her to make me happy. That upset me, coz I knew right there and then she is just not bothered about being there for me. So on monday i was in pretty horrible shape. I showed up for work 3 hours early, coz i couldn't sleep anyway. Hour after hour has been dragging. And then i saw another co-worker, a friend, who never has a care in the world. I was talking to him, when she came over and started making plans to go out and hang out with him in front of me, asking where they gonna go and if they wanted to bring someone. I just broke down then, i walked away, shut down my station and walked out of the building. Felt like getting into a fight, felt like going out to a pub, felt no care for my well being. Got home, had thoughts of self harm, done it before, seemed like a good idea. Talked to a real friend of mine, he told me to hold tight, and gave me some good advice about help lines i could call. I went to sleep. I woke up after 4-6 hours, it was early morning. I felt no better, I started googling, in meantime, i opened a beer (i know i'm aware it wans't a good idea). I researched symptoms of depression, what to do, what gp can do. after few minutes, i linked a lot of symptoms to my situation. it was 6am at this point and i was on my 3rd beer. hours must of passed me sitting on a floor drinking & listening to music. i don't remember much after, but i woke up around 3pm - i looked down and i noticed i've cut my arm open few times. there wasn't much blood, but it was still hurting. I called free nhs non emergency number to see what i should do. i told them everything. per their advice i went to see my gp. receptionist while being sympathetic they couldn't help me - they could only schedule me for next monday (this monday coming). i walked out and went back home. so 3 days has passed. I still feel crap. I still don't feel happy, I still worry about work, i still feel like im going in circles.
However i'm not as bad as i was on monday / tuesday. i have not harmed myself since, i started eating some. I don't want to go to my gp on monday, and me telling him how depressed i was and him replying "well you look fine to me". I don't want to be in this situation again. I want to be diagnosed and treated. Seems like I might not be taken seriously. Did anyone been through something like this before?