I can't actually think of a title today... Oh well.
My tics are returning to full power again. I knew they would. It just sucks when it gives me a few weeks of barely anything then suddenly BOOM. My whole body is convulsing with tics and I can't even sit straight because my back keeps bending weirdly. I went to Bedford today with my Mum because she wanted to do some Christmas shopping. I know what she has got me for Christmas (I think...) or at least I hope she bought at least two out of the three sensory toys I played with in Beals!
Luckily my tics don't really affect me to bad at work. They are coming out now, but with a lot less force then when I am not around the animals. This is a good thing because I am currently part of a group trying to tame 5 baby rabbits who had a hard start to life. The rabbits are half wild and half lop eared! I also found out something about rabbits that I didn't know. Apparently, the name 'dwarf lop' doesn't mean that the lop is small like my Jenifer was. Most dwarf lops grow bigger than Ralph! He is much bigger than Jenifer but is still on the smaller side. He has grown a fringe at the moment because it is winter and I keep twirling it! Mr Fry recovered from a recent bout of 'fish flu' or in other words, I don't know what was wrong! Little Fionn is growing daily and is getting more and more attractive as he gets bigger. I love lemon goldfish now because they are such a cool colour.
The past few weeks have been pretty difficult. I kind of realised that I have not seen the real Lucy for a long time. I have let myself become my labels, I have let them define me. I am trying to remember what I was like before I became a teenager, which was when everything fell apart, but I don't remember much. What my Mum remembers sounds like a typically autistic child. It wasn't until I was 12 that my TS made it's first appearance. I still remember a time when I didn't have it, but the memories are fading with age. I need to write it all down before I forget it all. I don't want to forget the days when I was happy.
It hasn't really helped that my DVD player 'committed suicide' (as I gracefully put it) after I put a dodgy disc in it. I really like watching my favourite TV shows over and over as a comfort thing, but now I can't. My PS2 has a DVD player on it but it makes a horrible scratching sound. My computer is half dead so I highly doubt it could play DVDs! My Dad said you can get DVD players for cheap nowadays, but his idea of cheap (£30) and mine (£10) are very different! I have to pay my Mum £200 back because she paid for Jenifer's euthanasia and cremation. It hurts me that we had to pay for that. That is why I can never be a vet/vet nurse because I wouldn't want to know that my pay check came from people's dead pets. I think it is horrible. What I would give to cradle my little girl in my arms again... I found my locket with her picture and fur in the other day and I feel better when I wear it, like she is with me.
Anyways I am rambling and two of my three mobiles need charging...
