I feel like a lift... up and down

[LittleClapham]

Good news is that I haven't had any more crises since the last one I mentioned. Bad news is that my immune system has finally collapsed and allowed a visitor who goes by the name of Rhynovirus (or more commonly, cold) to invade me. For once I haven't become overwhelmed by the cold to the point of female man flu, but it's still pretty rubbish. I knew something was wrong because I went on my bike ride to the park but REALLY struggled to get up a small incline! Later that evening my throat was on fire and my glands were up. Three days later I now have no voice. Some might say that is a good thing though!

Earlier I went for a long nap to try and rest off the cold and give my poor throat some time to heal. It worked. When I woke up, my throat felt much better. Right up until the Tourettes decided to let out a massive series of screeches! Then it was straight back to square one... Other things which Tourettes has had me do today is fall dramatically to the floor (fully concious) and put me in a really awkward position with my legs sticking up in the air and my arms punching against my chest and face. A lady who is to become a new member of staff got thrown in at the deep end with my 'tic fit' which lasted about 20 minutes! The fact that I was able to speak (well croak would be more accurate) seemed to calm her a little, right up until T (my support) explained that I also have unconcious seizures due to non-epileptic attack disorder. With those I have literally gone completely stiff and fallen straight down! SPLAT! I think the seizures are my body's way of saying 'Look how little control you have mwa ha ha'... It's frustrating though because they are non-epileptic so how the heck do you explain that! I have had quite a few arguments with people who call them 'fake' saying that while they are not epileptic (physical), I don't exactly think that I consciously think 'Y'know what, I am going to drop down and do an impression of a dying fish...' (Mr Fry just thumped against the tank in protest of my simile...) At the same time though it is a part of my subconscious saying 'had enough, lets go...' Frankly if all my neurological 'symptoms' disappeared overnight I would be one happy girl!

I'm off to a volunteer recruitment day tomorrow. A new RSPCA shop is opening in Bedford and I fancy a change of scene. Sadly it is getting harder and harder for me to make it to Wood Green and I am thinking that if I get this job I might say goodbye. I hate saying goodbye. I hate change. I don't know how I will cope But I've said I'm leaving before and it all got sorted. I don't know though is there really much point in me travelling over 30 miles to spend about two hours cleaning out rodents? I'm having an argument with my brain over this matter. The RSPCA shop could really help me, especially as I am currently doing a customer service course. I will be going for my second session on Thursday. Whether I can actually speak will be another matter entirely! It's a good thing I have text to speech software on my netbook!