One

One

I’m feeling so trapped this afternoon, thanks to you know how I’m now stuck here, unable to get away and do my voluntary work in Birmingham, unable to go to my dental appointment, I do however have £3.40, enough to get me to Bedworth to see my psychiatrist. I’m not stupid but I can see that I’m a victim of financial and emotional abuse, every penny needs to be accounted for, he’s not happy that the Employment and Support Allowance gets paid into my bank account. Even though he was one that got banned from driving I feel that it is me who’s suffering the most. He just dials a ride from his mum, I rely on public transport, I don’t want to rely on anyone, and the only person I can rely on is myself. Why am I stuck here? Well, he wanted to pay his fine off, after the winging and nagging turned to nastiness the debit card was prised from my purse and now £160 of ESA and DLA have now gone from my bank account to whoever it is who takes money from drunk drivers (or their hapless partners). It not nice to be controlled like this, in fact it’s hellish, and I’m wondering if there are any other uses for my £3.40 that could be more beneficial that getting to my psychiatrist’s appointment. I am somewhat p***ed off at having to cancel my dentist appointment, going to the dentist in the past has been a pretty awful experience so it’s been really great to find a dentist who understands my TS and how my TS affects both my visits to see her tic wise and of course my OCD worrying, I worry about my teeth and their condition and she’s excellent at reassuring my concerns. Plus, also it’s good to get out of the house and see another human being.

Due to his short-sightedness/stupidity/selfishness I’m not able to go to Birmingham to do my voluntary work, although I get my travelling expenses re-reimbursed I first need to get there. It’s £5.50 for a train ticket to Brum that will also allow me to use the buses. He might be happy sitting in the study all day, I’m not, I crave human interaction, plus also I’m totally fed up of being stuck here unemployed, or in his eyes un-employable “whose going to give you a job I the state you’re in?” This voluntary job allowed me to meet some interesting people who have given me some invaluable advice and have pointed me in the direction of possible employment opening that suit me and my skills, rather than the cleaning and warehouse jobs that are advertised in the Job Centre. I’m trying to see what his motives are, some might think I’m being a bit paranoid but I think he’s scared of me bettering myself, getting a job and leaving, leaving him destitute and having to do the things that I do for himself.

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