The life of a Black Sheep
Growing up with undiagnosed Tourette Syndrome, ADHD, OCD, Oppositional Defiance and Sensory issues caused a lot of problems that were not understood
Living with these conditions and unaware of their existence was hard and it meant I was always in the middle of trouble
I was the black sheep being the only sibling to get into trouble with the police, being suspended from school and also put on isolation
The biggest problems came when I was not at fault but I was blamed, I was an easy target for perpetrators to point the finger and pass the blame
Also it was convenient for Parents and Teachers to find an easy culprit in me.
“it must be him it always is”
In the end I gave up on denial as it just made things worse so I admitted to things I wasn’t guilty for along with the ones I was
Even now people look back into the past and allocate wrong doings to me as I was the black sheep
Being diagnosed hasn’t really changed this fact it’s just altered the way guilt is attributed to me
Now if I’m in the middle of an argument or someone is upset it’s my fault, it has to be as I’m the one with issues, im the who isn’t the same as everyone else socially and my conditions cause problems for those around me.
I have been accepting guilt as it’s easier because denial is met by “you’re never wrong and you can’t see it”
I can’t win either way I’m either not accepting guilt or hiding behind my conditions
Just like being younger and undiagnosed it makes me a target for others to point the finger of blame to escape guilt; it is also more convenient for people around me to assign me the guilt it saves them trying to get to the bottom of the problem
Im not perfect and not always innocent but not always guilty either.
It’s the people around people like me who need to stop and think that way thing might be different.