Scapegoat Life of a Black Sheep

Scapegoat Life of a Black Sheep


The life of a Black Sheep

Growing up with undiagnosed Tourette Syndrome, ADHD, OCD, Oppositional Defiance and Sensory issues caused a lot of problems that were not understood

Living with these conditions and unaware of their existence was hard and it meant I was always in the middle of trouble

I was the black sheep being the only sibling to get into trouble with the police, being suspended from school and also put on isolation

The biggest problems came when I was not at fault but I was blamed, I was an easy target for perpetrators to point the finger and pass the blame

Also it was convenient for Parents and Teachers to find an easy culprit in me.

“it must be him it always is”

In the end I gave up on denial as it just made things worse so I admitted to things I wasn’t guilty for along with the ones I was

Even now people look back into the past and allocate wrong doings to me as I was the black sheep

Being diagnosed hasn’t really changed this fact it’s just altered the way guilt is attributed to me

Now if I’m in the middle of an argument or someone is upset it’s my fault, it has to be as I’m the one with issues, im the who isn’t the same as everyone else socially and my conditions cause problems for those around me.

I have been accepting guilt as it’s easier because denial is met by “you’re never wrong and you can’t see it”

I can’t win either way I’m either not accepting guilt or hiding behind my conditions

Just like being younger and undiagnosed it makes me a target for others to point the finger of blame to escape guilt; it is also more convenient for people around me to assign me the guilt it saves them trying to get to the bottom of the problem

Im not perfect and not always innocent but not always guilty either.

It’s the people around people like me who need to stop and think that way thing might be different.

2 Replies

  • Dear Scorpio Dog - I was moved by your entry! I have something of what you have although quite different in my own way! I still sometimes don't understand what is happening, and neither do my parents! Neither does sometimes seems

    I woke up the other day feeling really angry at everyone- and the worst thing was- I felt swear words coming from deep inside and suddenly wanting to come out! I believe this to be Tourette's! At this moment in time - I am crying (sorry for that) it is just that I realised I've had a problem for a long time which was never diagnosed.....:-( I'm no doctor but I know how awful I feel at times!!! I'm sure you understand!

    I've had the added problem of certain other difficulties- difficulties understanding people (as I have Asperger's Syndrome) and my emotions are of somebody a lot younger at times! My problems are almost bordering on special needs but not quite!! There seems to be a paradox there! Luckily I have found a friend called Natasha who is very supportive- she gets psychosis too! Sometimes, I find she understands somehow.....but I haven't talked about the Tourette's side of things!!!

    Gosh, I hope I haven't confused you......I've called the police before, my parents have as well, it's really annoying because I can't stop certain voices going on at times!! Perhaps I will need medication???

    Sometimes it feels like the whole world is against you! It's very debilitating as I tend to only feel safe at home and worry incessantly about what I will say to friends, teachers etc when I'm out of control!!!! Sometimes, I get things thrown back at me just like in your case- I was angry at my uncle at one point- because he'd had an affair when my aunt (his wife, right?) was in hospital! I felt so angry and whilst having a drink on Christmas Eve blurted out that "some people have double standards" which really annoyed him obviously - he was worried about losing face, in case I blurted something else out that could put him in a compromising situation! To be honest, perhaps it's not a bad thing to let people know what you affected me as the youngest one in the close family network! I realised then that maybe drinking alcohol was out......!!

    You seem a lot more capable than me but one thing I will say is this - don't worry about what others think of you unless you believe that what they have said has some truth in it, then you can change something- but you have to do a certain level of self-analysis and be sure of who you are- the more confident you seem the better....less people will "see something wrong with you". You already seem to be on the right track (You have a great deal of self-understanding) Good on You! ........................

    I will propose a book as well- it's called Healing ADD and it's by Daniel G.Amen. He is an American psychiatrist .....please get this book via Amazon or whatever- it has some useful psychotherapy tools....have a go. Let me know what you think....when you have read it and tried some of the techniques......

    Look forward to hearing from you!

    Best Regards, Julianna

  • You've had a dreadful life!!! I'I am so sorry my son was diagnosed as a failure to thrive baby and at the age of 3 they told us he had ADHD. It's impossible to diagnose a child with ADHD and they wanted to put him on Ridalin. Against my better judgment, I gave it a try for one week. Big mistake!!!!not only did he "not" have ADHD he was a very, very, sick boy. He had a rare blood sugar problem, diagnosed at age 9 with tourrette syndrome, Aspberger and OCD, language comprehension disability due to a neuron severed in birth, migraines with stroke like symptoms, hypotonia in both hands diagnosed with the pediatric neurologist and Kawasaki syndrome which is a heart condition. He was lucky as I worked with the school board in Canada and so I was able to get all the assistance and adaptive devices needed to get ahead. (occupational therapy psychology help medical help etc). He's now finishing his last year of postgraduate studies and he's accomplished so much and very proud of him. I really believe it's up to the parents right from the start to be educated and to not take the first answer or diagnosis. Your parents should have done this as children are not born to be

    Bad children! There are

    other alternatives and testings they could of done. I am so sorry that happened to you but you can still put that in the past and move forward and learn about your conditions see what you can do for yourself ,put yourself first. You owe it to yourself love. ❣🇨🇦