Hello :-)

[KerryN88]

Hi everyone. Some of you know me but thought I'd introduce myself. I'm Kerry and I'm 28 - my tinnitus started in Feb 2015 after a period of extreme stress and some loud noise although I'm not actually sure which started it off. Who knows?! Anyways as some of you know I was in absolute despair when I found this forum. I had to quit my teaching course, couldn't eat sleep or function and thought very hard about ending it all. I was put on a number of meds to help with anxiety and sleep and in the end stuck with mirtazapine which I no longer take.

This group and the regulars within it were my lifeline at the lowest point of my life. I saw no way out and didn't want to be here anymore. I had/have both low pitch and high pitch tinnitus in my ears and head. I didn't see how I was ever going to habituate and live with this. But you know what - I did!

After about 4 months and going through the whole anxiety worry anger depressed cycle I finally gave up fighting. I saw an amazing tinnitus counsellor at my local hospital - on my first appointment I just sobbed and told her I didn't want to be here anymore - at this point I'd stopped doing anything as I was so scared it would get worse. I couldn't even bare the sound of my daughters voice. But slowly with help I started doing everything I used to do again (minus nightclubs!!) and gradually got my life back. My tinnitus is still there and the low drone really gets my back up some days but I just think - I don't have to listen to this and mask the crap out of it for a while lol. I sleep with a fan on still after two years and white noise is my best friend!

Please don't let tinnitus stop you living. Don't give it that power. Don't even give it a second thought. Habituation does happen - our brains are very clever. Yes there will be bad days but don't let it knock you down for too long.

Here's what I've done whilst I've had tinnitus...

Got married!

Had another baby!

Bought a house!

Been on holiday!

Been to the cinema!

Been to the pub!

Got a new job!

Continued with running and exercise!

I guess I just want to say to anyone starting out on this journey; it will get better and use this site for support whenever you need it. There are some amazing people on here!

Kerry xx

Ps; for those who know me - I had a little girl called Molly in November ☺

[Hidden]

Hi Kerry ,

Great to here your doing so well now and what a lovely positive post for members to read.

I remember your wedding photos and if I remember right you had a little dog Maggie xxx

Love your childrens photosp ...lots of love glynis x

[KerryN88 in reply to Hidden]

Hi Glynis! Hope you're well and yep we have a dog called Maggie 👍🏻 Great to hear from you xx

[SteveFeldo]

Hi Kerry, that is an inspirational read, thanks for sharing! I'm six months into my Tinnitus and similar to you, initially it hit me really hard. I have bad days and good days, but reading your story is uplifting and on days like today when it's not so good, it's nice to know there really is a light at the end of what can really be a dark tunnel. May I ask, did (do) you ever use in ear white noise maskers? I do, and find them really helpful when I have a spike.

Cheers, Steve 😁

[KerryN88 in reply to SteveFeldo]

Hi Steve! Sounds like you're doing great too - you know you're ok when you eventually end up having more good days than bad 👍🏻 I do have a pair of the maskers which I used for a little while although they never helped with my low pitch. But yes they did help with the high pitch - my tinnitus counsellor at the hospital gave them to me and let me keep them after she discharged me. Hope you're doing ok ☺ x

[Angela-H]

How lovely to read your good news Kerry. I was wondering how you were. You and I got tinnitus at the same time and I well remember your posts on the old forum. Your wedding pics were beautiful and it is wonderful that you have a new baby. Love the photo!

I too went through the same despair as you, but have habituated. My life is to all intents and purposes normal. I have stayed on the forum as I feel amongst friends and I still need the advice and support. Your post says all that newbies need to know - you can have your life even with tinnitus.

Love and best wishes, Angela xx

Ps used to love the photos of Maggie the pup!

[KerryN88 in reply to Angela-H]

Hi Angela, great to hear from you too! So glad you're still doing well, I also remember your first posts and how much you struggled so it's fantastic that you're back to normal 😁

I'll try and post an updated pic of Maggie - she desperately needs a hair cut at the moment though haha xx

[Angela-H in reply to KerryN88]

😀 thanks Kerry, would like to see Maggie xx

[Lynne-H]

Congratulations Kerry on everything you have achieved and what beautiful children you have.

At the beginning I too felt exactly like you and never thought I would get to where I am today.

I thought my life was over - but I was wrong - I too have my life back.

Love Lynne xx

[KerryN88 in reply to Lynne-H]

Thanks Lynne - it's great that people can see we are ok and they will be too! X

[Hidden]

Hi Kerry

Do you want to join me in the habituation club ?

Well done Kerry , good luck

[KerryN88 in reply to Hidden]

It's an awesome club to be in 😁

[Ruud1boy]

Thanks for sharing - I noted on another forum that there's loads of posts from people struggling w/ T, but not that many from people who have successfully habituated to it. I'm currently 6mths into my latest phase of tinnitus where it's causing me real problems and I'm struggling to see a way forward, so messages like this are always welcome.

[KerryN88 in reply to Ruud1boy]

Sorry to hear you are struggling. I made the mistake of googling it when I first got tinnitus and as you've said, most forums are full of horror stories. In the end I banned myself from all of them except BTA. People are more likely to post when they are struggling - if you're not struggling with tinnitus it's because you're probably not thinking about it which means you won't be on here! Even though I'm in a good place at the mo I know I will still have bad days, weeks, months etc. The key is not to give up and use all the tools you know work. If that means masking it completely for a while then so be it. Just make sure you don't stop doing things because of it. As soon as you do that it's won. The more you do the more distracted your brain will be 👍🏻

If you're going to google anything only ever google positive tinnitus stories - there's some great videos on YouTube too which helped me massively. Keep going, you will be ok 😊 X

[Hidden]

Hi Kerry

I take it your in the H club then.

WHO ELSE WANTS TO JOIN ? Everyone welcome

Gary

[Lynne-H in reply to Hidden]

Count me in Gary xx

[Dave-G]

Hi Kerry and welcome along, you've certainly come a long way, and great to read your doing well and lovely photos.

Dave from the old forum

[Carlad]

Hi Gloria, reading your story is just like what I'm going through now. It's only been about 6 weeks and I'm hysterical at times. I'm taking all types of medication just to get a good nights sleep. My anxiety is through the roof at the thought of having this for the rest of my life.

Your story has given me hope though so thank you for sharing it with us

Carla xx

[KerryN88 in reply to Carlad]

Hi Carla,

I know exactly what you are going through. If we were on the old BTA site I would get you to read my original posts and see how far I've come from then. I know it's easier said than done but just try not to panic. Things will get better. Stay off websites and only look at positive stories. Try not to stop doing things - anxiety works in the same way too - the more you fight it the more it will be dominant. Just take your anxiety and tinnitus with you and do what you want to do and eventually they will fade into the background.

I also paid for some CBT sessions when I was really bad. My mum forced me to go - I would say to my CBT lady that I couldn't possibly go to the shops because my tinnitus might get worse if a car drove past. So my homework was to walk to the shop and prove myself wrong. Or go to the gym or drive in my car. I did all of these things and my tinnitus didn't get worse. The more you focus on it the louder it becomes. The less you do the more you focus on it - you can see how the cycle starts.

Accept any help from your doctor and kick up a fuss about seeing a tinnitus counsellor at your local hospital. She helped me massively. ENTs were absolutely useless - I paid for a private appointment and he basically just said I'd have to live with it which started my spiral of despair.

Please don't give up. You will be ok. If the meds calm you and help you sleep then that's good as sleep helps massively too. I had to go on two weeks diazepam at the start as I was having panic attacks throughout the day. Even now I do struggle with anxiety but I manage it with exercise - if you feel up to it then go for a walk, just try and get out of the house it really does help.

You will be ok - the first few months are the hardest. But you do need to try and accept it rather than searching for cures. Once I gave up fighting and decided to start living again things started to improve.

Hope today is a better day for you If you'd like my personal email to contact me for support you're more than welcome to have it.

Kerry x

[Carlad]

Hi Kerry I'm really sorry I got your name wrong lol.

You're reply is what i need to hear. I did actually think I'd be better off not here anymore but I've got too much to live for.

I am scared of doing things in case it gets worse but I know it's my anxiety that actually makes it worse. I too paid to see a specialist and he said it does get easier but nothing more than my own GP told me.

I have an app with ENT on 10th April and I'm secretly hoping they tell me it will go away(I know they won't).

i am a worrier in general so this has just tipped me over the edge. I'm just glad to hear that it does get easier

Thanks so much for helping me

Carla xx

[NicTinnitus]

Great to read your story Kerry! Glad everything is on the up for you. I remember your posts in the old forum, and I'm so glad you stuck it out - and see, I don't want to say "we told you so" but...

Thanks for sharing this, I'm sure it will give lots of people hope!