Can anyone offer advice as I've started to really cut back on what I eat and my exercise is getting out of hand again?

[Citylife]

Wondered if anyone could help me I feel so alone and down, I've started punishing myself for allowing myself to eat too much over Christmas. I started by just cutting back a small amount and doing a bit exercise, but now I'm down to 400 calories a day, putting in 10 hours at work then coming home and making myself do an hour of exercise. I feel I can't stop until I have 'cleansed' my body of all the extra calories I consumed. I'm too scared to stand on the scales and see what I really do weigh as I know if it is a number I don't want to see I'll restrict more. I'm scared by how easy it's been to go back to eating so little and that I won't be able to start recovery again.

[Hidden]

Hi Citylife, yes I can very much identify with the feelings you have expressed. I was just wondering what the motivation during your recovery time?

This "cleansing" has gone on long enough to compensate (probably more than once time over) for Christmas. It is easy for our anorexic voice to over estimate what we eat at Christmas then scream at us to make us feel guilty.

You say you are punishing yourself but are you also punishing those around you

If you were advising someone in the same situation what would you say?

I pray that you'll be able to find the strength to resist the anorexic voice.

[loppyloo61 in reply to Hidden]

I am so sorry to hear you"re having such a tough time and beating yourself up over what you "over-eat" over Christmas. You mentioned you have been through Recovery bit as we all know that Anotexic voice in your head, screams loader the more we feed the thoughts (sorry about termonology)! If you have been through recovery you know yourself that you are not thinking logically at the moment! (sorry if I sound blunt!).

Once the thoughts of feeling you"ve over-eaten or feel fat even start you know you are on a downward spirial!!

Is there anyone you could talk to who helped you overcome these fears last time. If so I would get in touch with them asap, before you get any worse and are back in the grip of this horrendous illness!

At least you have in-sight to what you are doing not in denial so thats a positive start! I urge you to seek help and try and rationalise logically what can happen to you again if you don"t try and at least address the problem before that voice gets louder and Anorexia is controlling you again as uposed to you being in control!! Honestly its just not worth it I nearly lost my life to the incisidious disease last year! GET HELP NOW BEFORE ITS TOO LATE!!

I am praying for you.

God Bless x