Late'er' stages of recovery

[Pointeless]

So I spent so long waiting to get to the point at which I could say i'm in the late'er' stages of recovery from anorexia, but now I'm here I find here isn't an easy place to be either.

Periods are back (check) *along with spots - a very unglamerous aspect of going through a second puberty but nothing to get to upset about-, Boobs- well there are two things on the front of me that left in the thick of my illness and yes, I believe they are back (or all my tops have shrunk, but now...now there are so many other conflicting thoughts and feelings that have emerged.

How do let go of controlling your food altogether? that last bit of clutching on? How do you deal with seing other womens bodies on the street,especially in summer? knowing that you are bigger than they are,and that you HAVE to be because to not be would be to be unhealthy.

Looking at your recovered body?touching *heaven forbid* your recovered stomach ... yes there it is.. a stomach, I KNOW it's not big, it's average,but I still FEEL like it is.

That gap between knowing and feeling.

So many people who i've met say they are recovered from their eating disorder and they aren't because now they simply binge eat and then restrict but are now overweight from it... how do you let go of anorexia without grabbing hold of food in a different way?

Thoughts? recommendations? Share your'e embaressing recovery returns from blood to mood swings?

Any other 'late'er' old hands around the place?

[crazycrossstitcher]

Great to read of your recovery - so good to know that you can get through it. Being recovered is tough - suddenly back in the "real world" - eating/food is literally "in your face every day" - and you can't do without it - so unlike alcohol/drugs which can be avoided - the "food" temptation - whether to restrict or binge - is there every day, all day. Hope your getting counselling to help you with the emerging feelings and thoughts - from experience people assume one weight is restored you are "recovered" and support dwindles - its just then you actually need - and are ready to accept - support - so if your now not getting any - it might be something to consider.

[Angelus]

I love to hear about people on the road to recovery. I have been to hell and back trying to control my body, my environment and people around me just to satisfy the evil anorexia - was and is it worth it????? Hell NO!!!!!! I have almost lost my life including my partner and I am now trying to very hard to craw it all back, I believe the road to recovery is difficult at each step but, as we go through life in recovery we are re-building our character and also our self-esteem. This is when things start to become easier and of course 'letting go' of 'demons' and 'the control' we so desperately make ourselves believe we have (when actually we have given the control to anorexia).

I never thought it was possible for me to get to this stage, I have finally accepted that my body needs to be in working order whatever shape that may be as long as it is healthy. I have also learned and accepted that one of the most important starters is knowing that nature requires BALANCE without this it would not be able to complete the cycle and this is true to ourselves. I know that I cannot push, push push myself to be the best, get everything done without ensuring there is balance in my life because as I have experienced 'burn out' so I need a balance of work, play and to do this I need fuel and the right amount to keep my body working. I could go on and on but from experience, and 18 years devoting to anorexia, I have learned that it IS an illness and not 'the way life is' I really hope you can relate to this and see how beautiful the world is and all the people in it. Feeling well has allowed me to SEE the details that anorexia stole from me. We are all here for a reason and we are all beautiful as is nature. There is a lot of love as long as we allow ourselves to feel it, see it and receive it from there we then give it. xx

[pouletlondon in reply to Angelus]

I just found these posts and really love them. And I hope you can help more. I am in these final stages, so close, but so far it seems. I have still not got my period back even though I hit my target weight I can never hold on to it for long and although everyone around me now thinks I have recovered because I am so much better, I am still ruled by food. Any further advice or reading you can suggest?

[Hidden]

I could say a lot but all that needs to be said is well said. I suspect you know it makes a lot of sense, yet is hard to grasp for yourself. I hope youdo apply this to yourself as you do deserve it.x