The fight continues....

[Angelus]

To be brief (of a long story) I had an accident back in November. I was put on strong pain relief medication of which I am reducing at a fast rate with my Doctors permission. The side effects from this are endless, one of which is my appetite has reduced and nausea has set in. This is one hell of a problem because I have been fighting my eating disorder, the dammed anorexia.

Today, I have really struggled to keep to continue with a meal plan that, so far has kept me safe. I am talking to myself as I would a friend in this situation, I am trying to use all of my strength to get back on track because I know what this could lead to, the loss of me and all I have re-built. I am writing this because I feel it is so important so others to know that there are other obstacles in life that lead to choosing yet again life or, what we know, the dreaded anorexia or bulemia can creap up on you whenever your eye is taken off the ball and out of the moment.

I accept that this is one hell of fight but with the support of my family and friends I will get through this but my focus must remain on keeping me well and, that means I have to go back to my meal plan despite how far I have come along my path of recovery. The safe choice for me, my well-being, my family and friends. I know I need support at this time and I will allow my guard down and ask for help and accept this with open arms. This is a hard time but I am strong and will be even stronger when this awful medication reduction is finished. With love to you all xxx

[crazycrossstitcher]

I know how tough it is to keep eating when you don't feel like it - I find when I'm stressed I go completely off food - however, you have to "eat" through it if you're going to win the battle - so good for you - don't let anorexia win!!

[Angelus in reply to crazycrossstitcher]

Thank you for your reply and your support, at this time it is much needed and appreciated. The fight does continue, my pain relief is reducing rapidly and I am counting the days to when this finishes and I can try to get back some normality what ever the hell that is...!!!!!

[Hidden]

I can empathise with you to a large extent and know where you are coming from. You are so true about needing to say things out loud otherwise the anorexia can drown it out. Thinking things is not enough as this does not have enough force. The anorexia is very controlling around thoughts. Having some structure will definatley help im sure, especially at those times when you feel physically worse i imagine it will be difficult to decide what you will eat so to plan is a safe way to avoid a fall back. You may think oh well one meal or one day won't make a difference. With somone not experiencing any kind of eating disorder this is true but for you.....well "us" it is as it can hugely influence what follows. Obsessiveness is a part of anoervia, but on the contrary it sounds like planning is helpful.

It sounds like you are very aware of yourself and the illness, so trust in this voice deep down. I know personally i can get frustrated with myself and complacent, but remebering what could happen if you let things decline, remebering the consequences of anorexia can spure you on.

It is nice to feel looked after at times so let your family and friends know what helps and does not, as i know the anorexia can cause us to be tempremental.

Keep going, like you said, you are strong, and you are worth it..............whether your wash your hair with loreal or not.

Sorry for the ramble. Fault of mine ;)xx

[bumblebee20]

Angelus, on a practical level, although I wouldn't recommend them as a long term solution have u tried milkshakes that are meal replacement? Like I say, they are not forever, but I am going through an emotional battle in my relationship atm and m appetite is the irst thing that goes and the nausea kicks in so eating food becomes unbearable. But I find a drink that will give me sufficient nutrition better than not having anything. Hope it doesn't feel like a step back, after all, at least ur putting something in

The Build-up banana milkshake is yummy x x x

[Angelus]

Thank you all so much for taking the time to respond with great advice, things are rocky there are gd days and bad. I am taking your suggestions it is most definately testing its gd to have this site for support, thank u x