Help in the New Year?

[Mel-embroiders]

Hi, my name is Melanie and I'm new here.

I was just wondering if anyone had any advice on eating disorders and getting help for them. I've had one since I was maybe seven or eight years old, but I didn't know it until it worsened around August this last year. I realized I've had this 13 years... it's still very hard to come to terms with this. Since August it's been a daily struggle, and my depression and anxiety only worsened.

Now in the New Year, even if it gives me a ton of anxiety (had a lot of anxiety over changes happening this year already) I really want to try and reach for my goals. My goals of continuing school, or enjoying hobbies, and trying to focus on the good.

My close friend recently told me that it wasn't really the physical to work on, but the mental aspect. Another friend, who's had anorexia for years and entered treatment again this year (doing much better now!), told me it was a mental problem, that I didn't need to fix things about myself physically but change my mindset, which is hard but she said, worth it.

Now I'm feeling like I'm still not doing well because anorexia is always hard to fight, I still find myself restricting but I'm also trying to focus on things I'm loving. I picked up embroidery after months, I find it very relaxing and helpful. Drawing helps too and I'm trying to set reading goals for the New Year and get back into things I love. Doing things every day helps and gives me goals to work on. Because I still feel like I'm not eating enough, I feel like these hobbies that make me happy actually don't matter in the slightest. But my friend told me any progress is good progress and what I'm doing is great and helpful. She's always encouraging me and tells me these little things matter so much. So, is searching for hobbies and enjoying things a good first step? I just feel like I'm constantly failing but I believe I'm better than I was months ago.

[Lizzo30]

Hi Mel I think embroidery is an excellent hobble and aid to fight anorexia Your friends are right it is all about the fight in your head against the urges - some get an actual voice aka Ana - telling you to not eat you must stand against it and not let it frighten you , it can't actually hurt you it can only scare you and persuade you to hurt yourself - by not eating - its goal is to kill you but like I said it can't kill you it can only persuade you to kill yourself .

[Mel-embroiders in reply to Lizzo30]

Hi Lizzo, thank you so much for your words. It's hard to realize it's something that can hurt me at times, or even recognizing it as a voice because I mistake it for my own. My friend told me it was good to separate myself from it and realize I wanted things different from what the ED wants, if this makes sense. I made a little progress recently in not doing some things it urged, but then for some reason it got much worse as I started to try and fight back. Almost like a little victory and then a huge loss afterwards. But maybe it's good to keep trying and fighting daily, even in these little things? Thank you!

[Lizzo30 in reply to Mel-embroiders]

Yes you must seperate yourself from it and it does get very angry when you don't obey it - definately little wins will make the difference don't be put off

[crazycrossstitcher]

Great to seek out hobbies - I also embroider and its great to be creative and feel you've achieved something. You say your friend is in treatment - talk to her - hobbies are great but the mental aspects of Anorexia need dealing with if you're going to beat it - and from years of experience suffering myself - trying to do it alone doesn't usually lead to recovery - this takes professional help - so great what you're achieving - keep up the hobbies and fulfilling aspects of your life - but also seek help alongside this. Good luck.

[Mel-embroiders in reply to crazycrossstitcher]

Hi crazycrossstitcher, thank you so much for your reply, I really appreciate it. Thank you also for your advice, my friend that's out of treatment now moved and the only way I can contact her is by letter, but I definitely will reach out soon. I definitely plan to reach out to my doctor soon too, at least just to ask more about this and see what she thinks I should do. It's truly just terrifying and I keep wondering how I got here because even a year ago I was fine. It turned more from disordered eating habits for years and years to full-on eating disorder. I just wonder if there's anything else I can do to ease myself more into recovery... but I know it's more like a huge leap and a lot of courage. Thank you so much!

[crazycrossstitcher in reply to Mel-embroiders]

Don't wait any longer about getting help - my ED like yours went from zero to 110% overnight - and the longer you leave it to get help the harder it is to recover - so talk to your doctor NOW - not tomorrow or the next day - from my experience tomorrow never comes and then its too late!

[Tm15]

I echo what everyone here jas said. Definitely get help as it's hard to do on your own. Look up local support groups. You do need to up your intake of food, perhaps do one meal at a time, if you eat meals that is, or add in snacks. Look up Tabitha Farrar on YouTube, she explains everything so well. Good luck.

[Qr83k_-Jd]

I can totally identify with you and I really feel your distress. Anorexia is a horrible illness and it is extremely difficult to overcome. You are very brave to come on this space and you will get all the help and support from other people who are hear. I too have anorexia and I find it absolute hell to get better. I maintain a weight which is not life threatening but keeps me alive. I aim for 6 stone and I remained at the weight for the past 8 months. I have a problem now with my left leg, my foot and lower leg is swollen with fluid retention and that puts my weight at 6 st 4lbs. That causes me great distress and I try every single day to get back to 6st. I to greatly restrict my food intake to no avail. I can understand how you feel but have hope as one day you will get better. I would love you to get well and I wish you well for your future. One day you will look back and say I did it I really did. You will be happier and good luck for your future.

[Qr83k_-Jd in reply to Qr83k_-Jd]

Sorry I forgot to say that YOU ARE NOT ALONE BECAUSE WE CARE AND WE ARE HEAR FOR YOU.