Avoiding food

[Gypsygirl264]

Hi everyone,

I'm new here but have recently had a relapse with anxiety and depression. Initially I found I wanted to eat but with the anxiety I just couldn't face it and felt sick all the time. Now it's two weeks later and my 'bad head' has kicked in and I've started avoiding food on purpose, lying to my partner and throwing food away so I can pretend I've eaten it. I know this will eventually lead to something else, as this way of coping won't work. I've been in recovery before and I understand the way these choices affect my mood and behaviour etc but I can't get out of it and I don't know if I want to feel better, why is that?

I've thought about joining a gym trying to convince myself that the exercise will be good for my mental health but deep down I think I know this is a bad move which is why I haven't been to sign up yet.

I don't even know if I hate or love where I am at the moment but I suppose that's the way addictions work. My 'bad' addictive head is telling me somehow I'm winning at life by making myself ill!

[crazycrossstitcher]

good you've recognised your behaviour pattern and that you've avoided the gym as you've already realised that this is again not a good move for you at the moment. Lying and avoiding food is the slippery slope as you say - I would suggest you approach your GP and ask for a referral - or give ABC a ring and speak to their helpline - or even see if you could have a befriender who might help you get back on track. Your ED head is taking over - and you need to recognise that this is an illness which needs treatment - so do seek help before the ED gains more ground and controls you even more.

[donnaj0326]

I would recommend that you find an Eating Disorder Clinic/Program in your local area; and, see if you can get yourself enrolled in it - The education you can get about eating disorders in these programs is so important in understanding the illness. I am currently in a PHP/IOP (PHP - Partial Hospital Program | IOP - Intensive Outpatient Program). The first step is accepting and recognizing that there is an issue - Good luck.

[lillyofthevalley37]

Ana is winning control of you and you sort of know it yet feel unble to stop the decent to a very dark place

There is no happy ending if you go along with Ana - think of Ana as a dark cloud intent on destroying you to do this it flatters you at first to trick you into a false sense of security and control then it will really push you to starve yourself and that is what you are doing now you are obeying it you have been duped and you need to kick back and you know it

Get some help if you can't do it by yourself make an appointment with your doctor

[Anon03]

Glad you have reached out and recognise the danger signs. My psychologist told me to see the voice as my abuser, by doing this it helps me to turn away from the behaviours my abuser wants me to do and turn towards a healthy option such as eating resting saying goes kind words to myself.

Hope this helps

Keep in touch