Relapse

[HushLilly]

You know, I was getting better, I was finally eating enough. I could finally have full meals with my family haha. But today, it was lunch time, and I called my brother to come down and eat, he said he had already eaten. It was my first time ever calling him down, and I don't know, it felt like a rejection. I told myself that it was fine, I didn't need him to be there in order for me to eat. So I went down and made myself an omlet. I also grabbed a banana so I could eat it while I was making the omlet. I ate half the banana and began to eat the omlet. But that was when I saw that there were no dirty dishes in the sink, and there were no dirty pans, nothing to indicate that he had eaten or prepared food. It's probably really stupid, and I know that, but that made me furious and it made me feel horrible. I put my fork down, and suddenly I hated myself for eating, I ran outside in the pouring rain and threw the omlet with the banana and went back inside. I tried to make myself puke, but it didn't work. And now here I am writing this. I was finally getting better, but that stupid event triggered me, I though I could overcome this by myself but I can't. I hate myself, I hate everything about me, honestly, I wish I could just disappear. I'm so weak, that, just from one stupid event, I caved. I honestly didn't want to get help, but I think that it's at a point now, that I have to. I don't think I have another option.

[crazycrossstitcher]

Yes - you need help. It sounds like me that you compare what you eat with your brother or other family member - if my husband eats I'm fine - if he doesn't - then I can't make myself eat - and this is why I'm seeking support from counselling to try and get this sorted - if he's ill what am I going to do then! So do seek support and be honest about all that's going on for you around food - good luck and don't be put off if it takes you some time to get help. ABC have a helpline you could try - they have given me great support.

[HushLilly in reply to crazycrossstitcher]

Thank you so much for your insight, I appreciate it so much. I'm getting help now, so I hope I can overcome this as soon as possible.

[crazycrossstitcher in reply to HushLilly]

Good luck - and keep going - be as honest about how you feel as possible.

[lillyofthevalley37]

Don't go hating yourself incidents like that are all part of recovery from a

horrible illness that is anorexia

You must let the incident go bc there will be other similar incidents that you will have to face

You have come too far to give up now , carry on with the brave courageous job you are doing to get away from anorexia

Keep going on your recovery you are on the right path

[HushLilly in reply to lillyofthevalley37]

Thank you for the advice, it means a lot to me. I'm learning how to deal with it now ^^