What can I say to help ?

[Blue42]

Hi, my 25 year old daughter is struggling with issues with food. She gets anxious that she eats too much and practically starves herself so she doesnt feel guilty about what shes eaten. She has spells where she says she 'over eats in huge quantities ' I have no knowledge of what she actually eats as she lives with her boyfriend..

She has been to the doctors and they put her on antidepressants which she stopped taking as they made her not feel herself. What can I say to her when she says shes feels fat. There is not 1oz of fat anywhere. Shes a size 8 and 5" 5". I am lost for words as to what to say so I dont make her feel worse. She hasn't been diagnosed with an eating disorder as far as I am aware but she does admit having an eating disorder. She was going to counselling but only went a few times as all they wanted to talk about was her relationship with her absent father. And advise eould be greatfully appreciated.

[TPepper]

Oh no, it sounds like your daughter needs help.

I struggled at first with antidepressants. Like your daughter, I did not feel like it was me. However, someone told me if I was diabetic and needed to take insulin, I would not think, hmm should I take this. Although antidepressants are for a mental issue, it is the same principle. If you need medication, you do kind of need to think about the long term i.e. that it is going to help you get to a better place at the end. I think if she is not diagnosed that she should tell her GP specifically, 'I think I have an eating disorder' because sometimes they will not get it if you do not specifically say that.

I don't know, with recovery and getting better, it does take a lot of mental effort and strain so she will sometimes feel in positions that make her feel uncomfortable. She may have to talk about things. Counselling (I thik, please do not take my word for it) is more about talking about the problem. Counsellors cannot (or should not) give advise. So sometimes it feels like you are talking about everything and it is all out in the open and not dealing with it. Other therapies focus on the now and here such as CBT and aim to deal with thought patterns.

It is really good that you are being supportive of your daughter I hope she does get better.

[Blue42 in reply to TPepper]

Thank you for your relpy. I just geel at a loss of what to say to her. I have no real understanding of why she feels so guilty aboyt what she's eaten and she's always saying she'sfat wjen she clearly isn't. I don'twant to belittle how she feels by saying...."no your not fat, I've seen more fat on a cold chip". I normally tell her she's beautiful just as she is. m not sure if she believes me ot if its the right thing to say x

[TPepper in reply to Blue42]

Awww, it is really sweet you seem to be supportive of her.

[crazycrossstitcher]

Suggest you do try to talk to her about returning to her GP - clearly she needs help and I can feel your desperation - its so hard to support someone and to know what to say for the best - ABC also have a carers support line - so do try that as they have wonderful advice. When someone is in denial there is so little you can do and I know how helpless you must feel - but just being there and listening does help - and hopefully she will open up to you about her problems.

[Blue42 in reply to crazycrossstitcher]

Thanks for your reply. She has been to the doctors three times in the last few months. I'm not sure what she has told them but she seems to have lost all faith in themx