never got help...should I get some?

[karioke]

ive had a crap relationship with food for about three years, retrospecively I've realised I've had (have?) an ED.

after GCSE's a couple years ago I got much worse, restricting, cutting out many foods, excreting, starving and constantly obsessing/ lying/ feeling weak. ive never had scales and due to body dysmorphia have no idea how low my weight got but lost my period for more than a year (and my worst fear was it coming back). I've always been in denial and good at hiding it, no one ever confronted me (although my parents made a few concerned comments) and I never thought I was ever bad enough or sick enough or thin enough or exhausted enough to have even a slight ed.

a long holiday with my family 24/7 forced me into eating more normally - a reset that did cause me to gradually improve massively. however, even though I actually eat more now the thoughts never went away. I've never received help or talked to anyone and can't eat anything without thinking obsessively about it, even a carrot lol. I always feel guilty and anxious around food, constantly wanting to never eat again and not exist really.

I know i'm a lot better but honestly can't work out if I acc should talk to anyone or deserve it, I feel like I don't have a good enough problem anymore, am I 'better'?

honestly hate my self for writing this because my head is constantly telling me to go back to how I was, who knows what will happen when I move out/live alone?

[crazycrossstitcher]

Glad you're posting - and recognise you have an ED and need to take some action to deal with - especially for your future well being. Suggest you do talk to someone - don't know if you can talk to your parents (know how hard this is from experience - but I also know what a relief it was when I opened up - both for me and for my parents who knew something was wrong and felt helpless). Visit your GP and talk about it - ask for some specialist counselling - its so important to deal with the underlying issues - not just the food - also ABC have a helpline and have befrienders - so that's another way forward - but do seek help.

[Sophie1234x]

Hey, congrats on recognizing your ED as sometimes we tend to be in denial and don’t want to seek help. In my experience I told someone I trusted when I was ready and that was my sister. If you’re not comfortable telling your parents, ask them to bring you to a GP and talk about it with a doctor you trust. But you have to be honest (I wasn’t fully honest the first time which didn’t help at all). I promise you it will be worth it as I started recovery completely on my own and I know how hard it is when nobody understands what you’re going through and you feel so alone. Personally my doctor asked me important questions, blood tests, and suggestions to improve my relationship with food and weight. You will feel a lot of relief and more support.

- Best of luck!! Xx -

[joanna21]

Hi please talk to someone about this -family ,GP. You do have an ED & you do deserve a better life to the one that an ED will give you . You will need support & it will take time but please please take all the support you can & always remember that you are loved by friends & family xxx