Recovery

[kylee_mm]

Hey guys. I guess I'm on the road to recovery. I've spent the past month in a hospital for my ed and at this point I don't think I have any other option besides recovery.

[TPepper]

It is great that you are on the road to recovery. I am happy for you! How does it feel? What is the nature of your ED?

I also am - kind of - on the road to recovery. It is great because i now appreciate things more. I enjoy food. I try to eat mindfully. However, it is an every day struggle and I just want to hide away.

[kylee_mm in reply to TPepper]

Thank you, it doesn't feel so great. I have anorexia nervosa.

Recovery is a struggle. That is amazing I'm so happy for you!

[TPepper in reply to kylee_mm]

I get that. For me, it sometimes feels positive, being able to enjoy food. However, it feels like failure a bit. It feels like I am not strong enough to continue restricting. Also, it is so much effort. I have to monitor my eating and I have to try convince myself not to continue with destructive habits even though they feel like the right thing to do. Hang in there. I am sure it gets better. I have a friend whose mostly recovered from anorexia nervosa and she eats without over thinking about it and she is not as preoccupied as food and it sort of gives me hope that one day, food won't be a big deal.

Thank you!

Ah, I guess for you, it may be especially difficult because you've spent time in hospital. Is it like putting life and other things on hold and focusing entirely on recovery?

I hope you continue recovering.

[kylee_mm in reply to TPepper]

I can imagine how exhausting that is. Are you in therapy? What is the extent of your eating disorder?

Yeah... I'm not in school or anything. My complete focus is recovery and it's so hard.

Thank you! You too❤️you can do it,

[TPepper in reply to kylee_mm]

I am not in therapy at the moment. I am waiting for my referral to go through.

My eating disorder is a bit weird. I started of binge eating for like 9 ish years. Then I started university and I was super obsessed with eating healthy and ended up restricting without realising. Then I started to deliberately restrict. Then I started to restrict through the day and then binge in the evening. This was before I went into recovery and now I am trying to eat properly. So yeah, it is a bit up and down.

I had a couple sessions of counselling at uni but they could not offer anything long term.

Oh no, focusing on recovery is really tough especially when the structure of everyday life is just sort of gone. That really sucks. Dealing with stuff head on is a bit hard especially when you have to deal with negative emotions. Especially as for me, my ED, especially restricting calories, has been more about finding distractions. I.e. I think of food all the time and count calories and spend ages planning meals and avoiding food because it takes my mind off other things that are harder to deal with and so even though not eating properly is harmful, it feels safe if that makes sense and so it is like being outside of your safety zone. Do you feel like that?

Though, I mean, you are a string person. A nurse told me that it takes strength to listen to your ED voice and it takes strength to ignore it because it is like you are fighting with yourself. So, even if it feels really crappy, you are strong and you can do this!

[kylee_mm]

Okay that makes sense.

Yeah that is quite unique. But no eating disorder is the same with people. It affects everyone differently.

And yeah that makes plenty of sense. I do, it gives me control over something for once. So letting go to that control and letting go to the strength of keeping Ana around is so hard for me.

And yeah that's really true, thank you