Freaking out

[missaw]

I'm working to recover and I am freaking out because I am putting on weight. Now there is the rational, logical side of me that knows this is ridiculous, I have a long way to go before I am clinically 'fat', but then there is the horrific disordered brain that notices every extra pound and views every additional crease with resentment. My anxiety is through the roof leading to extra binge and purge cycles. I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin.

[Caroline74]

I can completely identify. It's so so hard isn't it and yet it's crazy why gaining a bit of weight should be so terrifying and distressing. My only advice is what I'm trying to do - make sure you have a good therapist who specialises in EDs who can support and encourage or if you don't have this then a good friend or family member. Also distract yourself with doing as many things as possible that you enjoy. Take care. You're not alone in this fight xxx

[missaw in reply to Caroline74]

Thank you. I keep trying to remind myself that on the scale of things, (pun unintended) this really isn't a big problem. Many Other people have things much worse whether it be financial or physical problems. Why am I so obsessed with being below a certain weight? this community is invaluable and I am so glad I stumbled upon it. Thank you for the inspiration and support. I wish you all the best xx

[crazycrossstitcher]

Are you getting any support during your recovery - this is the hardest time when the weight is creeping up - and without some support - I had counselling - it is really difficult. ABC has befrienders so this might be an option for you. Its such an encouragement to read that you are recovering and the weight is restoring - so don't give up - don't let the occasional binge/purge take you away from recovery - but do find people who can come alongside you and support you at this time.

[missaw in reply to crazycrossstitcher]

Thank you lovely. I feel so silly for my obsession with weight. My parents are both clinically obese and seem to express a morbid enjoyment of my weight gain, so I will be 'normal' like them (fat is normal in my family). Before I ever suffered with ED they would obsess over my weight, one minute telling me I was too skinny, then telling me that I wouldn't be fat if I kept eating. I cannot win. I have a counsellor but limited time with her due to NHS resources (I am not in a position to fund this myself). I am grateful for this platform and all the advice and support that comes from people like yourself, so thank you. I wish you all the best xx