I need help\advice please

So I have just been discharged from hospital due to my eating disorder, self harm, depression and suicide idealization. I have had an eating disorder for 6 years and do not remember life without it. I am stuck in an endless cycle of becoming underweight and then binging, purging, restricting etc and gain weight only to lose it all again every year for the past 6. I don't what to do anymore or how to recover or even if its possible because I am in so much pain in my mind and heart and i just want it to be over, and to feel nothing and be nothing. Please kindly leave any advice or what I should do, thank you

[crazycrossstitcher]

Do you receive any counselling support post hospital - if not I suggest you try to get some professional counselling - or visit the ABC website - you can email them also to see if the can provide you with individual support by phone/email. Don't be alone - see if there's a support group locally - look at the BEAT website - please do make sure the hospital know how you feel - not just what the scales say - its so important to have support through recovery - and its not a one off event - but slow and takes time - but don't give up - don't let the ED beat you - your worth more than that.