Is my mind playing tricks?

[littleone74]

Hi. Ive been anorexic from a very early age ( 9 -10) and in that time ive sort of got to a healthier weight but it was very short lived. When i say healthier weight i mean i wasnt emaciated but bmi of 16.5 at the most. My question is to other people suffering is why do i think im fatter at 5 stone than i was when i was 7 stone and even though i can think rationally in my head that at 5'4" and weighing 5 stone i cant be overweight but my eyes , mirror and other people tell me different. I can honestly say i have now had enough

[bumblebee20]

I used to feel this too.

I was told the reason is that the lower your bmi, the more distorted your mind becomes.

The inpatient treatment centre tried to push myself and everyone else there to reach at least a bmi of 18 before discharge as this is when your anorexic mind starts to go.

Quite simply the lower your weigh the stronger the body dis morphia.

I sometimes wish I gave myself the chance to reach a bmi of 18 just to see if the dismorphia goes away, but unfortunately I struggle to get past 17 😖

Maybe give yourself a chance and see....

[littleone74]

Really?!!

[newn]

It is true if a bi can be restored to 18.5-19 it can help the mind work better. The downside is it gets clarity on the real underlying issues for the anorexia and that is what makes them suicidal. I know I had that stage but survived. It is hard but it is possible oh and no anorexics are not possessed by a devil. There is a place for spirit and faith in recovery but there is no demonic possession.

[littleone74 in reply to newn]

Good on you girl. Of course its not controlled by the devil. The replies from a certain someone on here are very disturbing and even shocking. I wish you all the best and hope you get well. For me at the minute im pretty ill myself and am finding that no matter what questions i ask lillybut 33 says ridiculous things and just attacks when she doesnt like anyones reply. Good luck and i hope you get well x

[littleone74]

I never said anything only really?!! So pipe down. I came on here for help and advise about health issues not a sodding religious education lecture

[littleone74]

It just seems to me that you really arent very nice to anyone on here and its either your way or the highway. I would pipe down if i had actually spouted as much crap as you. Ive asked 2 questions and ive given no advice...... untill now. Go to posts where you get help for being a complete freak and nut job. Stop attacking people just cos they dont agree with what you say. We all have our own opinions but dont force them on people. You come across as very immature and a know it all and also some of your advise is dangerous. This is a health forum not a bloody cult

[littleone74]

I understand that, i really do and im not here to fight anyone either and i will also stand my ground! Its a horrible illness that even the proffessionals are crap with treating. We do all have our own opinions, but that is just what it is, an opinion. Your opinion is true to you and other people's are true to them. There really shouldnt be any nastiness over talking help. But i do feel when you mention the devil you have over stepped the mark. Its a strong word and not one i think you should be messing with. Thats my OPINION. However, no hard feelings but please dont reply to me again

[Honeyduke]

Dear lilybut33,

I recovered from anorexia several years ago, and also believe in Jesus as you do, but anorexia and bulimia are mental illnesses, and the internal 'voices' which drive people to control their eating come from the illness. It's very unhelpful just to attribute them all to demons, even if there are spiritual elements involved, because we don't know whether/which elements involved in eating disorders might be attributable to spiritual forces, so how can we claim to know the answers? However, what we do know is that there are strong psychological issues underlying eating disorders, and that eating disorders have serious physical consequences. This forum aims to help people with the physical and psychological aspects of eating disorders, and I feel that your dogmatic replies might well discourage some people from posting their queries on this forum.

[littleone74 in reply to Honeyduke]

Hey. I will say one thing, you're ace. I got overheated and annoyed at lillybuts response. Ive had an eating disorder for over 30 yrs and now been diagnosed with terminal cancer. All ive done all my life from the age of 8 years old is look after my grandparents, parents and siblings and my daughter, all who i no longer have, im the only only one left. I do however think that i shouldnt be on this site, i admire people who truly try and fathem out why we are like we are without blaming someone we have never met or even knowns exixcts.( jesus) but ya know we are a force to be reckoned with, whether right or wrong and none of us know what is right or wrong or what is normal. My only question to lillybut is why are you on here if you have it all sussed out and you know everything??? Go to confession or something and get it out your system whilst other peolpe who arent so high and mighty and know it all and come on here for help etc. Why are you on here? For help? Or to tell people what to do. If you were such a success at getting well from an eating disorder or currently helping someone close to you then why the hell are you on here becsause your advice is not working. You thrive on telling people and believe everything you say and think is right. Get a grip. And im sorry to say your way isnt the right way. I suggest you get help for other issues too cos you are obviously single minded and blaming anything else you can on whats wrong with you besides the truth. I havent got long left on this planet so i really do not give two hoots if ive affended you or if you hate me. I dont know you, ive never met you and believe me i never want to. What i do want tho is for people to be able to come on here and be able to voice an opinion without your snydy know it all comments. Obviously you are seriously ill. I say no more

[littleone74]

I put my hands up and apologize for that one, you did say demon and not devil on this post ( i was going by an older post when you had said this and also the reply you had from the previous to me!!) Its not all sunshine and light. I was taken to a faith healer at the age of 8 ( not my choice, my parents were desperate and didnt know what to do at that point) also went to hypnerthearapy, doctors, shrinks etc etc. Jesus ( in my opinion isnt controlling this. It is a medical, physchological condition that kills. And one thing that does annoy me a little is the debate on how caron carpener died. She was trying to get well, she did not die from not eating at that time, she was still very slight and ill but trying to get better and the healthiest weight she had been for a long time. She died of a heart attack on trying to get better but still taking laxatives and diaretics. This is why the medical proffesion are so confusing. One thing i can agree on with lillybut is that with an illness with any eater disorder is it is shunned and we are left to try and figure it out for ourselves. Most doctors and medics see things as black and white and reds no colour at all, thats their training. Unless you go through it yourself you wouldnt have a clue. And of over 30 years of being anorexic and on death doors i still have no idea. What i do THINK AND MY OPINION THO is all i have done all my life is care for others from the age of 5. So then why do i deserve to be punished by anyone apart from myself. Lillybut 33 i do aplaud you for what you feel is right and for what you believe in and standing up for yourself. I certainly dont agree with it and to be perfectly honest i dont know what to think anymore. My personal experience of anorexia is that when i weighed 4 stone fighting for my life i cant even remember how i got there. Once my weight dropped below way below the norm for my height all rational thinking went straight out the window. There is a connection between weight and rational thinking and the info that was given about people who recover from anorexia go on to commit suicide i very strongly disagree with. They do say when an anorexic or bulimic starts to recover and actually recover fully is when then need the help the most because they can actually lodgically think clearly and have to deal with issues they tried to avoid in the first place. Also some people lose their appatite either thru illness or stress and end up anorexic. Whichever story we all have there is no wrong or right or normal. We all have a different story to tell. No one is the same and we can either relate to someone suffering from this or we dont and we all handle things differently. One thing tho that i have learnt is that our frame of minds don't act logically when starved and personally i just hide away now because i feel safer. I wish everyone the best, i admire you lillybut for your believes, fight and determination but your way isnt everyones way just like mine isnt

[littleone74 in reply to littleone74]

So go and brainwash the next person. Ive read a lot about you not only only on here but on 4 other forums. And have learnt that 2 of the girls that spoke to you and gave advice to killed themselves. One left a note saying ' whats the point in trying to get better when im bound to kill myself anyway. The other one told her brother ' i dont deserve to live im evil'

right firstly now, you are not right in the head, secondly its not your fault so thirdly ask god and jesus for your forgiveness cos. Stop giving out shit advice.

I suggest you seek psychiatric help and pretty quick. Im all for compassion, a bit of lee way cos your ill and not thinking straight but you take the mickey out of people who are seriously ill, confused and dont know which way to turn. You've put a mockery on it all

[littleone74 in reply to littleone74]

And now littleone is dead because of this and you. Police have just gone through all your posts on here and it has come to light that two people have killed themselves because of your words. This site will ultimately be shut down and you will be investigated by police. Angela mcardle

[Honeyduke]

littleone74, I'm very sorry indeed to hear that you have cancer, have been struggling with an ED for 30 years, and have lost so many relatives, especially your own daughter, and that you've had to do so much caring for others throughout your life.

[littleone74 in reply to Honeyduke]

Honey duke .Hiya and thankyou. At the end of the day tho there is nothing i can do about it. Lol im getting a load of ear bashig on here from someone because they are reading replies from me and not looking at who im answering to. Anyway at the end of the day it is one of those, im not the first persob it'll happen to and i wont be the last. Im just shit scared!

[newn]

But telling people they are possessed by demons! ???

I have a faith but sometimes my mind boggles with opinions of some Christians. It seems to me that in some ways religion is something to blame or hide behind. People turn to it thru fear of hell or demons. The story of Jesus is supposed to be one of acceptance and forgiveness so even forgiving anything that hurts us be it others, ourselves or illness so I see no justification in your comments whatsoever. I respect your opinion but please think about keeping that one to yourself and not passing it on to much younger, impressionable and vulnerable sufferers.

[littleone74 in reply to newn]

Hey. Im on your side. Not quite sure at the mo why i got ur message Im getting emails here from both yourself and lilly responding to messages from liily

[newn in reply to littleone74]

Hi

It's because they are all in a thread Started by your original message.

[littleone74 in reply to newn]

Lol remind me not to ask any more questions or type a post!

[littleone74]

Lol. Ive got it. Read my name please. Im littleone not lilly. And good on you tho for saying what you said. Its an illness not a curse.

[littleone74]

Lol feelings mutual!