Update after removal of post and how things are going :)

[newn]

newn

a minute agonewn

Hi

update. ..

i made contact with the suggested options but no one really gets anorexia like i do... not even professionals. Unfortunately for me my journey has shown me everything that happened and what for me it's about. I can't tell you? You'd have to be mad to leave your bubble believe me.

After a number of stressful weeks that i understand to be part of day to day living but which i had no life experiences of and more than to be expected, well living out of the safety bubble anorexia gave me proved to much and i took an overdose.

I was kept in hospital overnight someone from mental health spoke to me assured me of more support and i went home. I attempted to call psychologist or old coordinator noone there. I have heard from psychologist who said i could call intensive team and they woukd call me maybe visit and check on me...that was Tuesday. I rang them Tuesday evening didn't call back. I called wednesday in early hours they called me a someone else when o repeatedly said no that isn't my name. Everyone constantly wants to know where i am, with who and going where. When i tried to call yesterday afternoon to check something with psychologist as they are away for weeks soon. Well the team at that building didn't even answer call and then when it did they cut me off!

It seems they think that having all life can throw at me will force me to cope and get in with it but like i say i doubt any know my experience quite like me or quite how far up shit creek i am without a paddle!

So that is how the mental health team have helped me. I was told specialists won't accept me as bmi too high! At 19 something!!! Basically saying i am fat after how hard i have fought to come this far and learn to eat. Recovery has made my life unbelievably harder and i don't know what else to say...really i don't

i have repeatedly been told by psychologist it will be ok which i now wonder if was genuine cos she thought /thinks managing it =recovery when that is worse th an acute faze or she has neen through it and knows it will be ok iiin end (hard to see right now how at all i survive ) or she been through it knows how shit it is and wanted someone else to tread this path too as some kind if warped joke? To meet someone who gets it too maybe...who knows...i just smile anyway...she's lucky she makes me laugh is all i can say! But where this is all going. ...i don't know

Best wishes, love and light x

[crazycrossstitcher]

So sorry to read of your lack of support - I had a similar experience with my mental health team - I wasn't ill enough to warrant a regular support worker - and was told to phone the emergency team if things got really bad - which they did when I became suicidal - the emergency response told me they didn't have me on their books and to get a referral from my GP - which would take months - and I was in crisis at that point - I was lucky in my friends who rallied round and kept an eye on me - otherwise I might not be writing this to you - so I truly do know the frustration and the desperation. At your BMI you are not overweight - and you have achieved so much to be at that level - which is positive. However - as I've found - living at the increased BMI has issues in itself and it is at this point you really need help to reconstruct your life - without anorexia as the coping strategy - perhaps you could try ringing the Anorexia and Bulimia Care support line or BEAT - I know from experience ABC can be extremely helpful and supportive - you might have to try several times to make contact - as they're often inundated with calls as there are so many of us out there needing help - as the NHS system is a joke - but do keep trying as I'm sure they could be of help. Good luck - and don't give up.

[newn in reply to crazycrossstitcher]

throwing me in at the deep end and having to live and cope is utterly shit! they should have told me and i for one don't want to manage it, that is worse than starving myself and i have quite frankly had enough. thank you for your kind words though

[anadesire]

You're not alone and I promise you everything really will be ok. You have my word.

As for the idiots who wouldn't accept you for your BMI, please don't assume that it means you're fat or anything. 19 is perfect. It is slightly under the perfect healthy BMI so it is almost completely perfect. This means you are not fat under any circumstance. Please don't believe that.

I'm here for you if you want to talk to someone, I have endured similar ❤ x

[newn]

Oh but i am big so big and not proportionally that it has been remarked that i look pregnant

cannot take another day