just don't know what i must do...

[ale-jandro]

from long time i am bulimia and doing that daily. i think i'm lucky cause still alive.some days cant stop my self and focusing just eat and vomit.few times went to doctor make blood test and doctor said i'm very healthy! yes in my life always been a little fat but sometime lost good weight by diet.only stop vomiting when i'm pregnant and when i'm happy fight for something in my life.i have a bad life and in that my happiness only my daughter. she think i'm sick and that's why vomiting.my nationality is Turkish and i am Muslim. in our culture something and some people are different life is different.before you do something you cant think what its give you you will be happy or not you have to think what other people are think about that.since 2008 i'm living in UK.my husband live here before me since 1999. first years my marriage was good but i found he is the not right man for me we are so different.wanted separate from 3 years but he just threat me if i divorce i cant live in UK any more. i have settlement visa but he threat me with other ways.i wish you understand what i meant.like he is the king of country! for my daughter future i want stay here.from 2 years sleep in different rooms and doing sex like every 2-3 month.i said few months ago i don't want any more and i scare now if he do anything to me.just thanks to god every morning i'm breathing...i was vomiting before marriage too.its mean i never been a good life to stop it forever.if i do that ill hurt my self with different way.i read on a website bulimia stops heart by liquid derangement..i think i don't want die yet..and started search something about that found that web page.ill go to vomit again now its my 2nd or 3 ht don't remember really..

[Hidden]

Hello ale-jandra Cheer up please. You and your daughter need you to stay positive. Sometimes life is just plain mean, sorry all this is happening to you. ale-jandra is it possible to go to your GP and ask for a referral to a counselor who understands your Religon? If you can do this, please start their. You need to be very clear with your GP that you want to stop your bulimic behavior but you don't know how, even show your GP this post.

Thinking of you, Julie.

[ale-jandro in reply to Hidden]

i don't know can i do it or not even when write it cried so much. i don't know why but i'm sure if i go there will start cry again and cant talk by cry lol even now crying.every morning like now too promising to my self for will be good day everything start good have good and healthy breakfast but after something happening feeling bad and just thinking eat and vomit and doing it daily.years ago i went to doctor i don't know for what don't remember actually but remembering i said i am bulimia and doctor didn't say anything about it to me my words just past,probably was about blood test or thyroid. i checked my thyroids too thought maybe have problem on that's so i cant lost weight easy.doctor take blood and said you are very healthy don't have any problem..just wrote here but i don't feel ready to go any GP for help. i wish today past without vomiting i cant swallow very well.

[Hidden]

You have taken a big step by posting,you are very brave I agree that you should go to your gp you have recognised you want to stop and that's another big step your headed in the right direction. ♥

[ale-jandro in reply to Hidden]

actually always try been rave in my life.fighter for explain to everyone this is my life and i want live it how i like not others how think about it..but i'm so weak on that to stop vomiting.just scared to die when i read its can stop heart too cause some times feeling pain around my heart and want write here..

[Hidden]

Dear ale-jandro, well done for posting here! You sound like life is pretty tough for you, and you feel trapped in both your marriage and your bulimia. I hear that you used vomiting as a way to cope before you were married, but I think that if you stay trapped in this marriage you will find yourself needing to hold onto the bulimia to survive. But you are wanting to recover for your daughter and for yourself. Hold onto this - you both deserve better. The first step towards recovery is to find support around your relationship, regardless of whether you decide to stay in it or leave your husband. You don''t mention violence but in every other way it sounds like your husband is using forms of domestic violence to control you. It doesn't have to be violent to be domestic violence! I am not the best person to advise you, as this isn't an area I specialise in, plus I don't know the geographical area you are in, but a quick look on Google (searching for Muslim domestic violence helpline) produced many results. Can you look up such services, perhaps from your local library if you are concerned about your husband finding out?

I wasn't sure from your post if you were pregnant, as you list pregnancy in the boxes as the bottom. If that is the case, you owe it to yourself and your unborn baby to seek help. I am sorry that your GP couldn't see your plea for help when you asked for blood tests, and that he said you were very healthy. Can you be more direct with him about your situation? He/she has a responsibility towards you, and to keep your situation confidential. He/she is bound by a code of confidentiality to not tell your husband about anything you discuss with him/her, but if you are concerned about this, see a different GP within this practice or join another practice.

I hope you are not alone with all of this. Do you have any friends you can talk to? If not, try joining a social group for Muslim women/young mothers. You need all the support you can get, so don't feel guilty about doing this.

Good luck ale-jandro!

[ale-jandro in reply to Hidden]

i am lucky and not pregnant have 5 years old daughter.barely was doing sex and stop it from 3 months maybe.so he is more angry to me and can easy hurt me sure i want divorce.and i think go citizen advise bureau because i will go in may to turkey and he planning don't take me back to here i think he will ask me back and be together with me or stay there! my family support me for where i want to live but its really hard fight with all by my self.before go turkey i need ask help to somewhere i wish citizen advise bureau help me and i'm not ready to go any GP for that yet.i'm just crying from last night i'm not emotional person but its show me i'm not good and i heard doctor or therapist give hard medicines for make you feel better and more relax but its affect more get weight and sleep all day. i don't want use them but i'm a bit better to share that here.like 8 years i'm here and it was hard don't have more than few friends and i cant tell them i'm bulimia cause they will think when i'm their houses i'm vomiting and its make me feel bad.

[Hidden]

Hi again. Thanks for clarifying your situation ale-jandro. I would like to clarify some of what I said now. If you feel your GP will just prescribe medicines that you don't want then you need to tell him this and if possible, talk about why. It is important to emphasise to him that you want support to change your situation, not just medications. However, sometimes medicine can help us think more clearly and feel more in charge of things. Also many medications do not have an impact on weight, and if they help you feel better you might not need to binge so much. Bingeing, even if you vomit, will probably increase your weight. And as far as I know, most don't make you more sleepy.

In terms of social support, I think you are right - telling people who are not really close friends about your bulimia may be too much for people to hear. But not because it is a sign of your weakness (you are certainly not weak, as you are surviving in very difficult circumstances!), more because people don't know how to respond, and might see the illness rather than the person. You need to trust your judgement about who to tell. I meant more that you need friends and acquaintances to feel more connected with people in general, and less alone.

Citizens Advice Bureau might well be a good place to start, as they will probably be able to support you to get help with your immigration concerns.

I hope that helps!

[ale-jandro]

from two days i'm don't vomiting trying have better life.yes its so hard also in a diet.first few days always past hardest.i wish never vomit again.this is my third day i'm ok