Sexual Health Matters
986 members262 posts

Ex-husband child sex offender

We hear sadly in the news people committing crimes against children. Those offenders often have loved ones- wives, friends, parents, co-workers- that had no idea that this person would ever harm a child. I married someone who at the time was my best friend. He had no interest in sex and was a very religious person. He told me stories when he was in high school he used to kiss other guys in the washroom. I figured he must be a gay person and because of his religious beliefs he could not embrace that. Also he claimed to never want sex with me because he didn't believe in birth control and he didn't want kids. Whatever the case I was okay being in a sexless marriage. I had very unpleasant experiences in the past and in my early 20's was okay with knowing I was going to spend the rest of my life without sex.

Well it turned out he sexually abused atleast two young girls. He asked me to attend a meeting he was having with his pychiatrist. And told what had happened. The pychiatrist could see my shock although I kept my mouth shut as the person I married explained how he abused these children. The pychiatrist said in a calm voice he thought I should leave the room so they could continue discussing this matter. And he said he wanted me to stay- and that I already heard this before. (No I had not!) One of the things that stuck in my mind was when the pychiatrist asked him if he had penetrated the pre-teen children and he said he didn't know. All this apparently happened 10 years before he met me. But still it was a sensation I will never forget of when my life, marriage and everything once important to me had changed.

I know there many other people out there that had the exact same thing happen to the - even though I never met someone in person who ever wanted to talk about it.

That all happened a lifetime ago and I moved to a different state and even legally had my name changed - birth certificate and all. And the only person who knows this story is my amazingly supportive partner of 3 years. But it still is a very difficult thing to even conceive happened. My ex-husband was not a person I think anyone would believe would commit such a crime.

Anyone else find themselves in the same situation as I did 17 years ago? At the time I thought my life was going to be over- and I really am doing so much better. But it a secret no one in my everyday life knows except my partner. I tell people I was never married before if they ask me. What am I am supposed to say? Yes- but we divorced because he confessed to being a child sex offender? How do other people handle this situation?

1 Reply

I am so sorry.