Birth after long IVF journey -still traumatised?

[Seren0119]

Hi ladies,

After a five year IVF journey involving numerous transfers, operations, five egg collections and miscarriages - my baby girl was born last week. It was a high risk pregnancy and I was in hospital for a month, but she arrived safely.

I am totally besotted with her. She is everything I ever dreamed of.

I am not sure if it’s the hormones or the sleep deprivation, but I also feel traumatised after so many years or IVF. The adrenaline and dream kept me going through treatment, but now she is here I have time to reflect and the pain of the last five years has scarred me. It’s overwhelming to think she might not have been here. It has also made me so anxious to lose her - what if I lose her now?

How can I move on from the trauma of so many years of IVF?

Can anyone else relate? X

[Jane8412]

I can totally relate! I didn’t have to go through anywhere near as much as you but I still feel traumatised. I did have two rounds of IVF. The second round I only got one egg fertilised and I think I had a bit of PTSD from the medical procedure and waking up from sedation to be told egg collection had gone poorly. The first failed round was also devastating. When the second round miraculously worked I was so happy for a few hours but then the worry set in. I was so paranoid about a MC, worry took over and lasted the whole pregnancy. Every scan would bring a day of relief and then I’d be back to worrying. In the end my waters broke early and I had him early but he was healthy and fine. Then the new worries started where I would drive myself mad. I convinced myself they had mixed up the embryo and he wasn’t my baby and they’d take him away 😩 Then I worried that something would happen to him. In hindsight I wish I had some proper counselling earlier but now I’m so busy with a 4 months old I’m not sure when I’d fit it in. I guess this is all a longwinded way of saying you’re not alone and I would be surprised if anyone who went through IVF didn’t have trauma and these worries. I am hoping it goes away with time! 🤞

Also, sleep deprivation is real torture! But it does get better. ❤️

[Purpledoggy]

I'm sorry you are going through this - it sounds totally understandable ater such a long journey! Have you considered some counselling to help you order your thoughts? You could ask to be referred by your GP or seek a private fertility counsellor. I talked to a lovely fertilty counsellor after my first failed round and she also helps with all kinds of other fertility-related things including post-natal counselling. PM me if you would like her details. She does online sessions so no travel needed. xx

[IVFat40]

I just wanted to thank you for posting this, and also others who have shared in your replies. I feel like I can massively relate to what you've shared, I also had a long journey with IVF (5 egg collections, many failed transfers etc.), I'm currently 11-12 weeks pregnant and really struggling with anxiety. I feel like there's an expectation I should just be full of joy (which is what I want to be!), but at the same time I actually have years of trauma and loss to process (and of course for me it's still pretty early in the pregnancy). Thank you so much for raising this difficult topic which I think sometimes doesn't get talked about as much as it deserves.

[IvfStruggler]

I'm feeling the same but I've not yet giving birth so in my head it can still go wrong. But throughout my pregnancy I've had this sense of grieving while I've also, of course, been so happy to finally be pregnant after 7 years, 4 fresh rounds (and 2 frozen rounds) and multiple early losses. This sounds awful but it was particularly difficult when my much younger colleagues announced their pregnancies. I found it so hard to deal with the jealousy even though I have the most precious baby in my own belly. I struggled to understand these feelings and felt so bad but once I realised it's mainly a reflection of my own pain and trauma, I was able to let some of it go. But I don't think I'll ever get over it. It's not just the medical and mental side of IVF that has been so devastating but I also completely destroyed my life (I lost my career and got into so much debt we had to move in with my mad dad) to pursue my dream baby. When I see my colleagues (who are awful to me so that doesn't help) their ease of falling pregnant and ability to enjoy pregnancy and not spend every minute terrified of another loss- I get hit by this terrible sadness of how life could have been so different. If only... I see how I'm grieving this life which I couldn't have and the parts of my life that I did have which has been filled with so much pain- while also celebrating the creation of a new life and hopefully a brighter future. As I also have to grieve the loss of my mother, I know that this pain will always stay. I'll just get better at giving it space and continuing my life around it.

I think I will be the same as you- also terrified at loosing my girl when she is born. But I'm sure that these worries will also make you an amazing mum being able to understand how precious her life is. I've worked with many children and parents and you'd be surprised how many people take this for granted.

Thank you for posting this. I hope someone further along will also share their experiences as this would be so helpful.

Congratulations with your baby girl. Take care x

[Jogsandwalks]

Gosh, thank you posting this. Thankfully for I didn't have to through IVF and got pregnant on my first month of trying so yes, it was very easy to get pregnant and I can't imagine the trauma of IVF.

Nevertheless, I have throughly hated being pregnant due to the sort of anxiety you describe. I thought it was just me but reading this post and the other replies I see it's not.

I'm on week 36 now and I finally brought myself to pack the hospital bag on the weekend. Mid way through, I just started crying. It was just like, well she's not here yet. What if I'm packing the bag for nothing, it could still go wrong.

I keep praying for rationality and partner doesn't get it. But I won't stop feeling anxious until she's here. I've always wanted to be a mum so badly and having this baby is a dream come true but it's not completely true until I'm holding her and until I am, I'm really scared for some reason.

So glad you posted this because now I don't feel so stupid.

[XOXO13]

Firstly, congratulations on the birth of your daughter. How wonderful 💕

I think how you’re feeling is understandable after everything you’ve been through. I am nearly 33 weeks pregnant with twins after two miscarriages, two IVC cycles and four transfers - I can hardly believe I’m here and as my delivery date approaches (end of February eek), my anxiety is creeping back in because I’m terrified that something may go wrong and I can’t bear the thought of that. That said, I’m also trying to remind myself of how many people go through birth and nothing goes wrong which is a much higher statistic ♥️

It is likely that trauma resurfaces after the actual trauma has occurred, sort of like an adrenaline crash I guess. I think it’s probably worth speaking to someone, to let out everything you’re feeling and to talk it through to try and start to heal from everything you’ve been through.

Sending you so much positivity, love and encouragement in this next chapter for you 💫 xx

[Artmum22]

Hi lovely, I can relate to this except that I’m almost 37 weeks pregnant. I also had 5 rounds of IVF, tried in 2 different countries and had the same fears as you once I got pregnant. I became hyper vigilant and had nightmares all the time. I was glad to read your story and see how you have been resilient. I can imagine sleep deprivation cannot help to process these intense emotions. What I did is that I went for a CBT therapy during my whole pregnancy and it helped a lot. The hospital where you gave birth should be able to arrange mental support to accompany you, or your local council. I know that there are also a lot of support groups in the town I live where you meet other parents who experienced the same trauma as you did. You are not alone and I really wish that you find the right support group or the right therapy to help you process everything. Let us know how you are getting on

[Minnie92]

Congratulations on you baby girl 💕 I think it’s definitely normal to feel some kind of trauma after an ivf pregnancy especially if it’s been a long painful journey like yours has, your focus is on the pregnancy and a healthy baby and then when the baby is born you as you say, have time to reflect on the last few years of your life…I felt the same. I also had horrendous thoughts about loosing my daughter. I have since had another baby through ivf and quite quickly forgot how traumatic it all was as went through it again 14 months after my daughter was born, and can tell you that time is a healer, however definitely speak to someone if you’re not feeling yourself, you will know deep down, take care and enjoy every minute of your baby girl xxx

[Running79]

Yes I can relate to that, we did three rounds of IVF.

Your anxiety will pass, just give it time. Our little one is 9 weeks old now and although I sometimes still can’t believe she’s here, I look at the amazing journey we’ve come on for her to be here, and how she must have been a fighter.

So as I say as the weeks go on it should pass